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Stuck...
Me and my bf have been together for 3 years. He Still till this day will not let me touch his phone.. And every time I do there is always some mysterious person texting him.. Half the time Idk if its a girl or not but most the time it turns out to be some chic who is just a "friend". Now this is after 3 to 4 times of these "friends" sending messages back and forth of extreme flirting.. Which he says he is just being nice and does not see it as flirting.
I want to believe him but am having a very very very hard time doing so and this is causing a rather large prob;em in our relationship.
He has not cheated on me that I know of, and I know he wouldn't fully cheat on me cause he was cheated on while in Afghanistan so he totally despises the whole thought. Hes a really friendly guy and always has chic friends who flirt with him and text him all the time.
My question is.. Is it fair to me that I just put up with this?
I have friends who say if I rly love him Ill get over it since he does come home to me every night.
And I have others who think Im nuts for even staying.
This is the man I want to have a family and a life with, but I just do not know how to handle this problem. When I talk to him about it, it turns into im being jealous he does have his own friends and that I dont trust him.. so on and so forth.
I want to be able to pick up his phone I want to be able to trust him. Is there any one out there who has gone through this.. Is going through this that I can talk to? I really need some help and just dont know what to do.
Thanks for reading... And thank you to any one who comments.
Re: Stuck...
If you don't want to date an overly-flirtatious guy who's possessive and secretive about his phone, break up with him.
And seriously, if you stay, be prepared for this to blow up in your face at some point. You two have different boundaries about the opposite sex and about trust in a relationship. I have no idea if he really is crossing the line with his friends or if you're overly jealous. But either way, one of you will end up disappointed because you're not compatible.
He may come home to you every night but lord knows what he's doing up until then.
Just curious, would he be totally 100% OK with you being just as secretive with him?
Really you have to ask?
Youve been putting up wih his BS for 3 years what could we possibly say to make you wake the F up?
You have been a total puashover for 3 years are you really going to face the truth now?
If you're not comfortable with his phone issue now,. you never will be.
And if you don't like his secrecy when it comes to his phone, or how "friendly" he is with ladies, please do yourself a favor:
Move on and find a guy who can devote 100% of his time to you...and who doesn't care if you go near his phone -- that's because he has nothing to hide.:)
Please tell me your *real* last name isn't your username.
If it is, delete this and come back w/ a new name.
You want to believe him. And as long as you want to believe him and not what you're seeing with your own eyes, you'll be stuck with a cheater.
Please explain to me why you want to have a family and a life with someone that you do not trust.
Please answer the Fuss's question as well. How would he react if you acted the way he is acting?
I'll tell you what my 2nd husband did..He was the same way. Always had a lock on his phone, passwords on his computer. I couldn't see anything. He was always playing with his phone. Every time I looked, it appeared he was playing solitaire so I didn't really think anything of it.
One morning he went to work and I got up and turned on the computer to check our banking account and noticed he forget to log off from the night before while I was at work.
He had been sexting a couple different women on Yahoo chat. I looked at his FB page and he had been chatting with a couple others about how beautiful they were and he'd love to take photographs of them at a park. Creepy shiit..I went back through months and months of this stuff and printed out 6 or 7 of the best nasty chats.
7 hours later when he got home, all his stuff was on the front porch and the chats were taped to the front door. I haven't seen him since. And at the time we had a 5 month old baby..Winner huh?
My point is, if he's got locks and passwords on everything, he's hiding something he doesn't want you to see. People who have nothing to hide are open books..Think about it.
Kudos to you
Im the the process of divorcing my cheating husband. I thought he was incapable of cheating because, before me, his fiancee cheated on him and broke his heart and ended that relationship.
He also had his computer password protected
All of this! Why, oh why, OP, would you stick around with this jerk? There are trustworthy men in the world - many of them. You aren't stuck.
Either he's cheating or is having an emotional affair and enjoys attention from other women b.c. it makes him feel good. Not someone I'd want to be with either way.
I don't think its that uncommon for someone who was cheated on to become insecure and look for outside sources of validation, ie attention from lots of women. Its not like being cheated on because a universal bar to becoming a cheating no matter what he says.
You had me and 'me and my bf'.
'Fully cheat' = intercourse I'm guessing?
Extreme flirting and possessiveness over a damn phone is not a recipe for happiness as far as I'm concerned.
Honestly, move on. There are better, more honest men out there. I promise.
I feel for you, I too, have been in a situation like yours. Best advice I heard while going through it and what I am passing onto you is this: If it is something that can not be shared with your SO/BF/GF, etc then it probably is not appropriate and should end; whether it be the texting with that person or the relationship in general. Example would be the texting situation: If your BF is hiding it from you, then it is probably inappropriate and unacceptable.
Best of luck to you. It sounds like in your gut you know what is right or wrong, it is the following through that is the most difficult part, whether you love them or not. You deserve to be in a relationship that is open and honest, at all times. It does not sound like you have this based off of the times you attempt to discuss this and he becomes defensive.