Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
why is it that i choose them?
why is it that i let guys sort of use me? what do i have to do to change that cus idk what im doing it is how i act? is it that i give men the wrong impressions or something.I want to change this and is it that the guys i like/flirt with think i mean somthing else? what i wanted help with is
1.why do i like guys that use me?
2.how do i change it to guys using me
i keep trying but i dont think im strong enough but i want to be any ideas how i can help this get resolved?
Re: why is it that i choose them?
If guys are using you, it IS because you are letting them. If you don't put up with sh!t, they will either leave or stop pulling it. You weren't very specific in your post about what guys are using you for, but a few no brainers:
1: If they want money, don't give it to them. They are adults and should be independent. The right guy will be a hard worker.
2: If they want to push you around like you're a slave- demand respect. If they don't respect you, send them to the curb and stand your ground. Do NOT spend time with disrespectful men.
3: Don't flirt with guys just because you find them physically attractive. Try to get to know them first to ascertain whether they are a decent man. If you believe they are going to be a healthy addition to your life, then you can see if the attraction is mutual.
4: Don't feel like you have to date/go out with a guy just because he asks. If he isn't a good guy, just say no. You will save yourself a lot of trouble by saying no.
5: Finally, be the right girl. You can't expect a perfect man to fall for you if you're life is a wreck and you aren't doing your best. If you are working to be a good person, you are much more likely to be attracted to/and by good people.
You let guys -- and people -- use you because you have a shitty self esteem issue.
How about seeing a therapist to nip this in the bud?
What you need to do: want to meet a decent guy? Then join activities where you'll meet somebody decent; the best way to meet somebody -- whether it's friends or guys to date -- is through a cause with a common interest.
ARe you a student?
Get involved in decent activities at your school: future ___ society, clubs where you'll nurture a hobby and meet a decent group of people, student government groups, you get the idea.
If you're not a student, try volunteer groups where there is a good cause involved (cancer fund raisers, etc), hobby groups, night school classes, house of worship singles groups (if you're religious and spiritual) -- these are to name a few.
THIS. Also,
6. If you know a guy has a reputation for using women, don't even bother dating him. You're NOT "special," it's NOT going to be different. People usually have reputations for a reason.
7(or maybe 2a?). Get to know the guy and whether he is trustworthy before having sex. Sex can cloud your judgement and make you not take red flags seriously. If a guy pressures you to have sex DTMFA and find someone who respects you.
I think that Tarpon's suggestion of therapy is a good one. There might be issues in your family, past or personality that are warping your self esteem and it would be an extremely positive step to talk things through with a professional. Good luck!