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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hazardous tour & explaining to young kids...
Hi Ladies,
Just some background...my husband has been going since April between basic & AIT with the Army. He's now deployed on a hazardous tour after just 2 weeks home. We have 3 very little boys (6,3,9mns).
Did you explain to your kiddos where he was exactly or just left them in the dark? My boys think my husband is living at the airport, since that's where they last saw him. I"m torn as to how much to explain, and wondering what has worked for other mom's.
Thanks in advance for your help
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Re: Hazardous tour & explaining to young kids...
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LittleL 8/10/07
Baby E 11/27/10
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Have you thought about posting on Military Families? We've got a lot of people with kids on this board, but I don't really know what to answer. I know what I *think* I would say or H would say if I get in and deploy, which is to start the conversation long before, let the kids watch all the preparations, explain it, even if they're little, have a map on the wall with a picture of whoever was gone in the country where they were, and talk about them a lot. Would I tell the kids that Daddy is up in a helicopter getting shot at with LAADs? Would he tell them if I was honored to be a part of a FET (MC version of a CST) and kicking down doors? Probably not. But I would tell them that Daddy is flying like he does at home, and I think he would explain whatever safe aspects of whatever job I had. "Mommy's helping the women of Afghanistan by making them less afraid, because in their culture, women need women like Mommy to talk to because they can't always talk to men like Daddy," (except smarter, more articulate, and hopefully inspiring curiosity rather than closemindedness). And then maybe they would watch some kid friendly specials about Islam, Afghanistan (sans violence), etc.
That's what I *think* our family would do. But I don't have kids (nor am I in the military), so this is all purely conjecture.
We don't have kids yet, but we would do something similar to this.
Blessed.
ditto this, except my son was 2 1/2 - 3 1/2. He understood Daddy was gone for work and does not confuse deployments with his regular work now, even with my husband going TDY fairly often. and I would never, never make even the slightest suggestion of danger.
Thank you! Yes I wasn't going to explain the danger to them
I was more curious if you show them on a map where you are vs where Daddy is, etc.
Last deployment my oldest was 4-5 and my youngest 3months-1 year old.
I just told my oldest "Daddy is in Iraq and will be back after a long while."
No need to explain a ton of it or scare them.
Click me, click me!
meh, people change jobs, work elsewhere all the time. I just told them daddy was working far away when he was deployed and when he was at home, I told them he would be working on post and wouldn't have to work far away for a long time.
Click me, click me!
When he deploys, we tell them he's going on a deployment. He's gone so much, they know the difference between a long work trip and a deployment. I show them (3,5,10 and 13) where he is on the map, as far the country. With the little ones, we don't talk about the dangers. I do talk about it with the older kids because of the questions they have. Be prepared, my kids started asking about those things when they were about 6 or 7.
My LO was born while DH was last deployed, some was too little at even realize that his daddy was gone. DH's next deployment is going to be more difficult as LO will be closer to three. I plan to explain that DH's job is to go help people in a place far away. I'm going to ask DH to send pictures of his desk, where he sleeps, the DFAC and other locations so LO can see where his daddy lives. I am also going tom get him a daddy doll and hang up even more pictures of DH. I might make a book, too. My plan is to keep DH as present at home as I can, without upsetting LO.
Good luck! Do your best to take care of yourself, as well as your boys. Having your DH gone for *that* long is rough, but, it does become your current normal.
If that is where your DH is, communicating with him is much easier. My DH was there for a year almost ten years ago, and he was able to make inexpensive calls to the US. And, the safety concerns are minimal (unless things go south on the peninsula). You could see if you can find some books that have stories set in Korea or with character who are Korean. You could also take the kids out to eat at a Korean restaurant.