Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Suppose to be enjoying Honeymoon.....
Yesterday was suppose to be the best day of my life. I was to marry the man I thought I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with at 2:30 pm. Family and friends were looking forward to celebrating our union. Our small boys and his older daughter were in the wedding party. I still can't believe our date, that we choose together to wed.....never took place. We have been together for 4 years, have two handsome boys..ages 18months and 3 yrs old. Never in a million years would I think that he would call the wedding off two weeks before we were to get married...all because he has been cheating!!! He told me it had been going on since 2006. We met in 2007!!! I don't understand..he is such a nice, caring, loving and kind hearted person with a great sense of humor. He loves his boys dearly!! I would have never guessed!! I found out this woman has been around my kids and in my house. So disrespectful!! I know our relationship wasn't a bed of roses.... and what relationship is? I am not perfect either..but I think I am an atractive 36 year old woman...who takes care of her family and works hard!!! What could I have done to keep this from happening? He claims he is truly sorry and wants us to work..he wants his family...and he'll fight for us! So hurt and confused right now!! The trust is broken!!
Re: Suppose to be enjoying Honeymoon.....
First, you need to understand that there is nothing that you did or could have done. He is a terrible man for doing this to you and one day you will consider yourself lucky that you didn't end up marrying him. Right now, stay on this board, it's a great source of support. Many of us have been there.
Also, are you in counseling? Talking to someone will help you get through things--it's a process and things will get better but they will be hard for a while. You need to take car of yourself and your children. ((hugs))
This is not your fault. You were lied to, by a lying scumbag. Please do not blame yourself. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Fight for you?! What a piece of shiit. He's been lying from Day 1, he's not going to change now. The only thing I can offer is you'll soon be glad you don't have to deal with an actual divorce.
Yes. He's already shown you his true colors. Onwards and upwards.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. This man is not worth anymore of your romantic energy. He is a good father, that is great so try to focus on redefining your relationship as a co-parenting relationship.
I agree, counseling is a great idea.
ETA: spelling... Iz sux at it
He led you on --- look at it this way: you dodged a bullet.
Extramarital affairs -- and your FI counts as having an extramarital affair --- need not guarantee that the other person is a hunk or a raving beauty. Look at Camilla Parker Bowes. Yuk...dogmeat if there ever was any; Charles threw away a good catch.
What I am trying to say is you could not have prevented this; don't blame yourself.
He is only sorry he got caught --- see an attorney for child visitation and child support; don't marry this sh!thead.
Technically he was cheating with you on this other woman since that relationship predates your own.
At least he had the sense to call of the wedding.
What a mess.
I am sorry you are going through this. My story is very similar. I have a son who was a year and a half when my FI announced to me that he wasn't happy and needed space. He started spending the night at an undisclosed location and contined saying he didn't see our relationship working. So I moved out. I found out a week after I moved out that he was dating his coworker. I think it is very safe to assume that they had already begun their relationship before I moved out.
You need to look at this situation with a clear head. I don't see any way that you can continue a relationship with a man who lied to you for your entire relationship. You need to hire an attorney and get primary physical custody of your children and child support.
I am still hurting a lot and this happened to me in July. But I am starting to see that there is life after my exFi. There are a lot of men out that there are not total douche bags. Trust me you'll be ok.
aww, I'm so sorry.
I'm going to agree with PPs - there's absolutely NOTHING you could have done to stop this and it was not your fault at all, so quit thinking that!
I also agree that talking about it - even when you find yourself thinking, oh my god I've talked about this way too much- just talk it over with someone cause it really helps. And dont rush getting over it. This would be a trmendous blow to anyone and you need support
((hugs!))
this.
I just want to thank you guys for the love and support...it means a lot right now. Everyone"s input has helped me out a lot. Trust when I say...I literally can't think right now. So many thoughts and images going through my mind at this moment. I have been suffering with a headache on and off for the last few days, beacause I have thought about most of things you guys have touched on. The living a double life, the whole time frame that all of this has gone on, the possibility of actually getting married if I hadn't foound out and getting custody of the kids..etc. I don't want to think anymore..it just literally makes me ill. Now I have to figure out how to articulate this to my 3 year old son. How do I tell him that Daddy won't be living in the same household...or when he sees us together..why we don't kiss and hug anymore. He's already asking, I am at a loss for words.
If you are feeling as overwhelmed as I was I would suggest counseling to talk out your feelings and maybe even an anti anxiety medication to get you through the first few weeks or months that are the hardest.