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early holiday drama
Of course, we haven't even left for Thanksgiving yet, and I'm getting family Christmas drama. How would you guys react to this?
My parents retired to Tennessee about a year and a half ago from Michigan. Last year they flew to Michigan (where we grew up and they lived for their entire lives, and where all our family and friends live) for Christmas, and stayed with my Dad's brother. My sister stayed in Michigan, and I was visiting my in-laws for the holiday (it was their year for Christmas).
This year, it's our year to see my side of the family for Christmas, so they want us to come to Tennessee. Fine with me, I'm travelling no matter what, but I was bummed that they moved to TN because now I can't see any friends over the holidays like I used to (used to catch up with my good friends over the same week). But whatever, I dealt with it and made plans to see my friends at another time.
My sister on the other hand, has now told my parents she is "conflicted" about whether to come down for Christmas Day, because she has a long standing tradition with her best friend and their family on Christmas Eve. They are her 2nd family, and she exchanges gifts with them every year. This will be the first year she has missed it and she's bummed.
My mom is now REALLY upset with my sister, who she sees this "confliction" as choosing her "friend" over her real family, and told me to "talk to her" about it, and let her know how disappointed she and my dad are that she doesn't want to be with her own family for Christmas morning.
I see both sides. My parents help my sister out a LOT over the year, and they were really looking forward to having our whole family together for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. So I get their side. On the other hand, they were the ones that decided to retire in another state, far away from everyone, and is now expecting everyone else to change their traditions because of it.
In all honesty, I think my sister needs to come to my parents house this year, and accept that she might have to skip her friend's Christmas Eve every other year (or whatever). Yes, it was my parents choice, but it is what it is, and sometimes you sacrifice for your family. BUT... my sister is not always the "sacrificing" type 
Advice? Opinions?
Re: early holiday drama
I'd tell your sister to suck it up.
Both sets of our parents have moved since we graduated from hs- mine to a different suburb of the city where I grew up (so, NBD for seeing friends) but his from Dallas to Kansas City, MO.
H doesn't get to see his friends now- not even his second family (his coach's fam) unless we're down there for weddings or Christenings. It sucks for him, especially around New Years and times where you're typically home but with your friends- but his real parents are more important.
Stand up for something you believe in.
my advice is to stay out of it. your mom can express her sentiments to your sister herself if she wants them known.
no good can get out of you being in the middle.
to be fair, this is my feeling on the matter too. as you grow up, things change. it sucks, but it's part of being an adult. she can do early exchange w/ her friends family or they can come up with a new tradition.
Ditto this. My BIL is causing quite a bit of drama this Thanksgiving, and DH and I are staying out of it.
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Ditto.
I think it's time for them to start a new tradition. Sure, it sucks, and I can see both sides of the story, but family comes first.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
The reason this was not my answer is because when I have kids I want my siblings around for the holidays with their aunts/ uncles/ cousins. We're going out of our way to be in Cleveland for our nephew's first Christmas Eve (they do a big thing 12/24) and driving all night to spend Christmas in St. Louis with my family, because it is important to us to see our nephew AND our goddaughters each holiday season.
If it were just adults, I would probably stay out of it, but I'd be annoyed about her not being there for your son.
Stand up for something you believe in.
I agree with staying out of it. It's your sister's choice and your mother's feelings. They should communicate directly. If your mom pressures you, just reiterate that you'd prefer Sis was in TN, but it's her choice.
Actually, I side with your sister. Your parents moved away from friends and family so I think your parents need to suck it up and spend the holidays in Michigan.
My view might be a little tainted because my dad and his wife moved 3/4 of the way across the country to a place that is super difficult and expensive to get to and we are constantly getting the guilt about not changing our holiday plans to come visit them. They are the ones that made the decision to move! All of us are here!
I think it depends on your relationship with your sister. In a situation like this, I could tell my brother to quit being a butt and he wouldn't be offended, but all families are different (and I probably wouldn't change his mind anyway). If you think your sister would feel ganged up on or defensive, then by all means stay out of it.
I wonder though if there's something else at play? Can she not afford to travel? Does she feel resentful that she doesn't get a say in the holidays b/c she's single? There might be more to it than just not wanting to go to TN.
I say have your sister travel to TN.
I think yes, there is resentment that she didn't get a say in where Christmas is because she's single. But in reality, we don't have more options. My parents can't come to Michigan because we would not all be able to stay together (we can't fit my parents, my sister, and my family including our dog in my sister's place). Without our own house, it's just not a feasible option. So it's either Tennessee or DC
So once my parents moved, my sister KNEW she was going to have to travel for Christmas. Why she waited until NOW to figure out how she felt about it, I don't know.
She's done something similar before, where my cousin flew in from Hawaii (where she lives), and my family spent Christmas eve with her that year because it was the first time we saw her (and her daughter) in over 4 years, and we didn't know how long it would be until we saw them again. But my sister skipped out because she didn't want to miss the Christmas Eve thing with her friend's family. So her priorities between our family and her friend's family have always been a little skewed.
I have already set the precedence in the past to act as a go between for my mom and sister. They both can't control their anger and say things they regret when confronted. It's easier for someone (me) to get them both to see each other's sides. I've kept the family peace in the past
But this one was hard...
Thanks for all the awesome advice!
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Why doesn't your sister fly down on Christmas morning? Growing up we always traveled on Christmas day.
But really, I'd tell your mom that it's her battle to pick, not yours (nicely, of course).
I have family spread out all over the place, and I'm tired of traveling for the holidays, so I can understand where your sister is coming from.
it might be worth trouble shooting to come up with ideas on what to do in the future. It could be everyone renting hotel rooms in MI every few years or maybe getting together on new years instead of xmas or everyone travel to someplace else or whatever. perhaps if there's a compromise for the future, your sister won't feel so trapped this year (I assume you already have tix or whatever for TN so MI is off the table).
although, arriving on xmas day is a great idea. i've heard air travel isn't too bad that day!
i think traveling on christmas morning is a great idea. everyone gets what they want with (hopefully) minimal issues.
i think your mom is putting you in the middle and that you should stay out of it. i see both sides but she is an adult so it's her call. my family makes christmas such a pain in the @ss that i would much prefer to spend the holidays with my best friend. we're closer than sisters and honestly, she has been more family to me than a lot of my own family.
i echo what others have said about figuring something out for future christmases.
It sounds like your sister may be tired of being expected to "take one for the team" because she is single. While it may not be possible this year, I think your family should travel to Michigan next year to be with your sister. If not for anything to show that you guys are willing to be inconvenienced/support for her every once in awhile.
I would stay encourage my sister to come to TN this year and then take that time for EVERYONE to start discussing the plan for next year you are due to spend Christmas together.
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