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i've cried my eyes out about 3 times so far today...
and i won't be surprised if i have at least 2 more episodes before i get home in a few hours.
my brothers wedding was just so horrible. i can't stand the child bride and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. i hate being so powerless and i hate that my family is now fully entangled into this mess.
for one- she's just like my brother in all the negative qualities- she has anger problems, road rage, talks trash about others, uses the "n" word ( but "it's okay because her bff is black" *insert eye roll here*), immature, poor at budgeting, feels entitled to everything, loves/wears designer labels they can not afford, doesnt wear her seatbelt (she's pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)......
and get this - her and my brother are "mad at me" because i got pregnant first- and i "wasn't even trying". and they were. first off- wtf does she know? h and i had been off birth control for longer than her and my brother even started dating. then we started officially "trying" 5 months before we got pregnant. wtf. and why the hell were they trying? she *just* turned 19. she got pregnant at like 19 and 1 month old. wtf. she's also not taking prenatal vitamins.
she has the worst potty mouth of any female i met, and constantly talks about "using pedestrians as speed bumps", she can't find her way around the las vegas strip (she's lived there for three years!!) we made 6 u turns in a 20 minute car ride because she couldnt pay attention long enough to get on the right road or be in the correct lane, she's impatient and makes turns too early, then we're on a road that doesn't connect to anything!!!!
and. they're talking about moving back to seattle. i think this will be the only thing in the world worth leaving seattle for. i love seattle, i really do. but if they lived in the same state, they're totally ruining it for me.
end vent.
(crying)
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
Re: i've cried my eyes out about 3 times so far today...
Wow....she sounds like a real peach.
I'm sorry.
It's bad enough to be stuck socializing with someone like that, but to be related to her is even worse. I feel sorry for her child.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. She sounds like a total brat, and a trashy one at that. From the sounds of it, they probably won't get their acts together enough to move up here... Hopefully, at least.
My only advice is to set really clear boundaries. "I'm not comfortable listening to you talk about people that way." "I am not comfortable discussing that with you." "That is my business and is not up for discussion." Her/their drama does not have to be your drama. (So says the therapist i saw for a while... and it really does work. It's also a lot easier to maintain boundaries established at the beginning of a relationship than to make them down the road.)
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thank you everyone for the support. it means a lot.
i sincerely hope not. i *was* going to say they can't afford anything, but with the big wad of cash they got in wedding gifts, they just might be able to afford it....but i really really really hope not. i will be escaping to CA for part of "the holidays", and now...even though my IL's and i don't get along super-well. they don't seem bad at all anymore.
this is all very true. trashy trashy trashy. what her family tipped at the restaurant shocked me.. don't eat out if you can't afford it. and don't order coffee and soda with your lunch if you don't plan on tipping.
and yeah, they probably won't get their act together to move here. my brother thinks he might have a job lined up here.....but i know the company, and i don't think he will be hired with his felony background. *fingers crossed*. he also has a condo down there (that i unknowingly helped purchase) that he wouldn't have an idea how to sell.
that's good advice from your therapist. i thought about this post a lot last night when i first read it.....i've been thinking now that i might need to find one. hopefully a chinese-american one that can understand the cultural aspects of my pain too--about how she's now my "older" sister, because she married my older brother, regardless of her age, and just the differences in relationships between american and chinese families.
i haven't talked to my dad about it, we really aren't that close. but he was drunk/happy/excited at the wedding. i talked to my mom about it, slightly in detail. she says she doesn't approve, but there's nothing she can do about it...so oh well. but i do know my mom likes this girl better than my brothers last gf....because this girl *actually* talks to my parents, whereas the last one (for 10 years) never did.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
**HUGS SWEETIE!!* I'm so sorry, not much I can offer but to be here with everyone else as a sounding board and support! I think the counselor sounds like an excellent idea to help navigate the added complexities your culture adds to the already stressful mix. I echo CDMay - set boundaries right off.
And try to ignore them as much as possible and focus on you, H, and your quickly approaching bundle of love!
Nestie vibes that they're thought to move to Seattle is just an idle fancy/they can't get their act together to do it.
man, like everyone said, I'm really sorry about all of this and I hope you're able to at least get some peace about it.
This might sound bad, but hear me out: you might need to make a conscious effort to let go of some of the cultural norms you've grown up with. I totally agree that you should find a Chinese/American therapist, because only they will understand completely. But my point is, we all grow up with family traditions, rules etc. and sometimes, as an adult the healthy thing is to choose new family traditions. I know it might come off as "get rid of your Chinese heritage" and I'm not saying that, I'm saying don't let some of those things cause you guilt for the sake of tradition. It probably doesn't count because my H is only half (lol) but in some cases he's had to stand up to his mom (who is about the most strong-willed person ever) and do what was right for him. A lot. You are American and Chinese and you are also now not just part of your parents' family, but you have your own family. I think in some ways you can choose new ways of dealing with things and forging your own path with your H.
I hope that makes sense
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*big sigh*
Oy. I don't even know where to start. How do your parents feel about her? How about your mom? Have you talked to her about it? Does your H feel the same way?
I'm not sure what to tell you... except maybe talk Seattle down to them and maybe they won't move here? Because if you move, then Seattle will be WAY worse off. Srsly.
*hugs*
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
All of this, too. Set those boundaries NOW.
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12