September 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Moms and expectant moms
What did you do in preparation of TTC as far as research? DH and I are definitely thinking more and more seriously about TTC now that our finances are well under control. Did you read books? Find info online? Talk to other moms? What does a person need to know! Aside from the financial aspect, I'm just not sure where to start here! We won't start TTC until maybe the spring so I figured I've got a good amount of time to do some research! ....Is it silly to want to research things?
Re: Moms and expectant moms
I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility before we got pregnant. Everything else I kind of held off on until we found out Maddy was on her way.
Definitely had some online resources as well, I was a regular poster on the Nest GP board (and am a regular on GP Moms now).
And no it is not silly to want to research. Pregnancy and motherhood are definitely huge life changing experiences.
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Whatever $ amount you think you need to have saved or whatever, double it.
I'm not a Mom (obviously) but it seems like a lot of people have underestimated the actual cost of having a kids.
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Ditto reading TCOYF - even if you don't intend to chart, I think it's a book that every woman of childbearing age should read - the amount of information that I didn't know (and that I didn't know I didn't know) was surprising. FTR, I did chart when we were TTC, but mostly out of habit - it had been our form of birth control for over 2 years.
Other than that, we didn't do a ton of research. The one huge expense you may want to ask your local board about is the cost of childcare in your area.
I read Taking Charge of your Fertility back in 2009 and started charting my waking temperatures and cervical fluid (CF/CM). This helps you figure out your cycle, when you usually ovulate, and how long your luteal phase (days post ovulation) is. I found this very helpful and I really learned a lot from the book. I'd recommend that.
There's What to Expect Before Your Expecting, but I think it is similar to TCOYF. I didn't read this. I think if you read TCOYF you'd be set and it probably goes more in depth about your cycle than the What to Expect book.
I started taking prenatals 3 months before we started trying. That is what's suggested, but then again plenty of women accidentally get pregnant and only start taking their prenatals then and have perfectly healthy babies. So not a big necessity.
I continued to chart while we were TTC. That's it.
Thanks ladies! I'm definitely on a hunt to find that book!
Our hope is that by the time my mat leave would be over, one of us at least may be able to be a stay-at-home-parent. My mom's also offered to help us with child care, and the average cost per day is around $20-30.
Just curious, and maybe this is something I can find out on the GP board, but as far as "supplies" (as in nursery furniture, bottles, pump, essential clothes, blankets, etc), how much do you think is the average cost? I think that's what I'm curious in figuring out! Haha. I could probably just spend a day oogling baby things to figure it out myself
All the supplies you just mentioned is what I call "The Stater Kit" You could go to babiesrus and print out the check list of things they recommend that you get for a newborn then pick one of everything and put it in your cart. That should give you an estimate as to how much the stater kit will be. obviously expenses will continue throughout the baby's life but this could be a good jumping off point.
Other things to think about, the front-facing car seat is $$$$ compared to the baby carrier, ask a friend to give you an estimate of how many diapers per week they use, ask a bottle feeding mom how much formula she goes through a day or week, not sure if it's the same in Canada but look up hospital charges for you and the baby through your insurance or the hospital.
I'm new to all of this but this is what I've been looking at to ensure I have atleast a starting point.
I know I'm probably harping on the money thing, but personally I wouldn't want to be cutting it so close we couldn't do any fun things (vacations, dinners, concerts, dates).
I know when you have kids you're more likely to spend your spare money on them, but you can't forget you're a couple too.
Maybe I'm just worried because it wasn't that long ago you posted about financial troubles and not knowing about bills etc. I'd need all my debt to be paid off (exceptions for me would be student loans, mortgage and car). My comfort zone for emergency fund is pretty high. I don't feel comfortable unless we have a pretty large savings (I know this will vary for people).
If I were you I'd also prioritize where buying a house fits in there. I think you've mentioned that before too. I'll say, it's a lot easier to save now when you don't have a baby than when you do.
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This is TOTALLY why we're trying to figure things out now. We do have a ways to go before we'd look at TTC, but we just wanna get a handle on everything well in advance. I don't really have any friends here who have children to ask.
There's no expenses (hospitals, doctors, tests, pre-natal, ultrasound, specialists, natural delivery or c-section) here for having a baby, and my insurance boosts me up to a private room. So I'm all covered there.
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Since I haven't gotten anything yet for the baby I can't give you an estimate. Plus it can vary greatly with that you want, brands, stores, etc.
When I started getting baby fever I began a list of baby gear I liked and/or was highly recommend via lurking on TB. When we were getting close to TTC I literally went through the things we'd need and made a spreadsheet of those items with prices from: Amazon, Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, and Target. But that's pretty anal. You can just look at once place to get an idea.
A lot of the things you mentioned are "up front" costs. You'll need to get them pre-baby, but hopefully someone will throw you a shower when the time comes to help with that. If you can breastfeed in the beginning there probably won't be too much of a cost in that area until you go back to work and need to buy a pump and storage supplies, plus the bottles. And you'll need larger bottles over time once you figure out which brand works for you. You'll get a lot of clothes initially but you'll need to supplement, but that cost is big since they grow out of stuff so fast. You can check out consignment shops to help with cost.
I'm obviously not a parent, but we are in the stage of thinking about it, so you can take this with a grain of salt if you want.
I agree with Jaime about the money thing and Kara about daycare costs. We could have afforded a child and daycare at my old job, but would have been cutting out our fun stuff and may have had to compromise some of our savings while said child was in infant care. Now that I have a new job, we have much more wiggle room and are able to save a bunch until a child is here. That's something that was important to us and was enough to keep us from having kids on its own Most of my friends do not have the same savings attitude that we do, though, and have not let it keep them from having kids and they have done just fine. Money wise, you have to have enough to provide basic needs, but beyond that it's up to you how much you are comfortable with.
Health wise, I'm trying to get in to good shape. We have also really changed our diet to include less processed foods, less refined grains, etc. We've always been good fruit and veggie people, but cutting out artificial ingredients was another step for us.
I really think you should also have discussions about how you want to raise children. Discipline, division of work, focus on academics/activities/etc., how you will still find you time, etc. There are obviously things you can't plan for, but if you and DH have different views on how to discipline a kid, it's best to find out now and work on it instead of finding out when the kid is in trouble.
Lastly, we have had the discussion of what we will do if we are not able to have a biological child on our own. What kind of infertility treatments we are willing to do, adoption, fostering, etc. Obviously, nothing is set in stone but, again, I think it's good to have already had the discussion.
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I did zero research regarding costs of stuff. As far as prepping before TTC, my sister works in a doctor's office so she got me prenatal samples and I took them about 2 months before going off the pill.
Our crib was a hand me down from my sister...my MIL bought the bedding, PNP, and travel system for my shower gift. She also bought more than a few outfits throughout the pregnancy, plus a crapload of different size diapers. Luckily DS wasn't fussy regarding bottles. My one sister got me 2 starter packs of the Soothie bottles for my shower gift (not even the ones I registered for) and DS took to them with no problem. I didn't buy a ton of bottles. I had 10 of the 4oz and about 8 of the 8 oz. I washed bottles, by hand, every night.
My biggest expense was buying the formula. I used Similac Soy, and the big tub was about $23 at Walmart, I was going through about 1 tub almost every 2 weeks. But, the peds office gave me coupons, and samples if they had it, and MIL and I clipped coupons for it.
sleep now while you can. just kidding. sort of. hah.
I think financially, save save save.
Do your research - boards are helpful, books are good too. For baby supplies check out Baby Bargains - prob a bit won't translate for Canada but I think it's a great resource of things you REALLY need vs nice to have, etc. You really don't need a LOT. What we have needed most is burp cloths, blankets, and diapers. We also have just like 5 newborn outfits that fit Ada so I just do laundry daily as she usually goes thru 2-3 a day (my child is a spitter-upper and she often pees immediately after we take her diaper off).
Anyway, start taking prenatals now, work on getting in good shape (the healthier you are at conception the easier it will be to lose the weight after, plus you'll be at lower risk for complications during pregnancy if you start from a good place). TCOYF is a good resource, I also found the tutorials on Fertility Friend really helpful.
I agree that you really are never ready. We have had many a "what were we thinking" moments in the middle of the night, but it is worth it and I know things will get easier and harder as she grows.
For us the big change is figuring out how to deal with not having my income. If I stay home, we lose a lot of income. If I go back, we still lose a lot as about 85% of my take home would pay for daycare. We have decided that that little amount of take home after daycare probably isn't worth it (thought I'm hearing from coworkers that part time might be an option for me and now I'm feeling tempted to explore the option if only to keep a foot in the working world). Anyway, we didn't really think about a budget til like, oh a month ago? We just assumed we had enough income and we kind of freaked out. So I would suggest doing that sooner. We will be ok, but it is tighter than we wanted to admit. I get $20 a week in fun money to go out to lunch or buy something for me and that is it. After we go through a few months we'll see how our budget goes and I am sure we can relax a bit, we're just doing worst-case stuff. And we have like a year of bare bones expenses (mortgage, car payment, heating/utilities, food) in savings right now.
I am late on this but I highly agree with Jaime on save, save, save. I am very conservative with this. While I know we have been T-TTC, it has not dettered us away from saving and paying off our debt. I am paying extra on my car payment where I can pay it off sooner (next year!). I am making more than the min payment
Payoff debt while you can now. I know it is easier said than done and may not feasible, but if you can do it now, do it.
An e-fund is a must for us. It has saved us so many times.
Also, what about the car(s) you currently have. Would the cars accommodate a growing family? Would you need to buy a new (used) one? If you do not have the $$, that might mean a car loan.
HTH!
If you have debt, pay it off.
Save as much as you can.
DH and I banked nearly all of my income from when we got married until Lucy arrived. Now we have a budget that we stick to.
FOR US, me staying home was more important than vacations, extra gifts etc. We still go on date nights and have time for myself but him being a teacher and me SAH (and doing some work on the side) definitely gives us a DOABLE but tight budget.
Diapers- decide whether you want to do cloth or sposies. If you are doing sposies you are looking at $100 a month at the beginning and a little less later on depending on the brand/how many you go through
Carseats- look into this one http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4360518
it has a removeable base, can tip back to be like a infant carrier (though I don't think you can carry it like one) and will go all the way to a booster. I may get one for #2 (or Lucy depending)
You don't HAVE to do an infant seat you could just do a convertible that starts at 5lbs. We have an Evenflo Triumph 65 that we love but I personally don't think it tips back far enough for a little baby.
Bottles/etc-Do you know whether you want to try to BF? Will you be SAH or working? If you WANT to BF and will be working I'd look into a double electric pump, if you aren't working then you could get away with a single electric (though the double was much nicer once I got it).
Regardless of whether you are going to BF or FF bottles shouldn't necessarily be bought in BULK until after you figure out what LO likes. For instance, the glass bottles we thought we would use made Lucy's reflux terrible. So we switched to the Avent ones and no more issues.
This is the same for paci's as well.
I would recommend checking out (or buying) baby bargains and using that to help you make decisions as far as cribs/etc.
We got rid of our glider because Lucy hated it and it was taking up room, though some mom's really like it.
I'd recommend a baby carrier (moby/sling) if you are into it.