Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Bizzarro situation with niece, kinda freaked the heck out (long)
My dh, kids and I went on a trip for 6 days a couple of weeks ago. While we were gone we paid my 23yo niece to house/dogsit for us, as she is currently unemployed. We love her to death, and she has been our go to babysitter before she recently graduated college and moved further away.
Today, my 3yo son come out of our bedroom with an *adult* toy that we keep locked in a lockbox within a nightstand drawer in our bedroom (only effective childproofing we have found for this!). In this lockbox we also keep some medications, condoms, etc that we don't want the kids to have access to, but nothing valuable.
Here's the thing, we always lock it, and the last time we know we locked it was early Oct. the box was open and discovered by my ds. The lock has obviously been tampered with as it is bent, actually unable to be closed now, and there are a couple of deep scratches near the lock, so nothing my ds did could have caused . The keys are where we always keep them, somewhat hidden in a different dresser drawer. Nothing from the box is missing. Nothing else in the house obviously taken or messed with, and we have plenty of valuable things sitting in the open. Only other strange thing, a blazer of dh's that he wore the day before we left was crumpled into a ball in the corner of our bedroom. He doesn't remember exactly where he left it, but he never leaves clothes on the floor, much less balled up. Oh, and niece and dogs all slept in a different room, had no reason to be in our bedroom, and I left the door to our room closed.
There are only a couple of possibilities here (no way it was like this before, as it is a fairly new lockbox, has never been dropped, moved around much by us, and we would have noticed it not closing before)
1. My niece forced it open, or had people over to our house and one of them opened it (maybe just curious or hoping for cash or drugs??)
2. We do have housecleaners, it's a mother/daughter team, completely sweet and trustworthy in my opinion, been working for us for years, but they have come over twice in our absence in the last month
3. Some creeper broke into our house and only wanted to break into our *toy* box. (no way, right??)
How in the world do I bring this up to my niece? If it really had nothing to do with her, I need to know, as possibility 2 or 3 are what's got me super freaked right now, and we need to do something about it ASAP. Though if she did have people over, and they got to the point where they were snooping and vandalizing our stuff, well then, I'm obviously pissed as he**, But how to ask without her resenting me forever for not trusting her if it wasn't her?! and the part about it being *toys*, well, just makes it that much more awkward to bring up.
I know she had a couple friends over to our house, I don't know how honest she would be about exactly what went on. I wouldn't say we're close, in that we don't talk on the phone very often, just keep updated on each other's lives and chat at family get togethers. I am close with her mom, but don't feel comfortable bringing this up to her either.
How would nesties proceed with this odd situation?
Re: Bizzarro situation with niece, kinda freaked the heck out (long)
Hmm. Wow. That's an odd one.
You know she had people over - did you say she could have people over?
I'm honestly not really sure how you would bring it up besides asking her who she had over and if they were in your bedroom. But you didn't notice anything amiss until several weeks after you got back? It seems that if something had gone on while you were away, you would've noticed differences right away.
We didn't say she could or couldn't have people over- no rules per se, because she's an adult and we trusted her. It's kind of rural where we are and a big house, so I wouldn't blame her for wanting a friend to stay with her some or part of the time. -But did it cross the line from friends hanging out to friends messing with our stuff? I'm not necessarily worried about other things being missing- yeah, I think we would have noticed anything important by now. It's just more wanting to know if there's a bigger issue at hand here- i.e. possible that we have had an intruder, or can't trust cleaners anymore, or can't trust niece anymore! I'm thinking someone suspected something valuable was inside the box, since it was locked. (ps, what a joke of a "lock" box it turned out to be!)
That is a super awkward situation.
I think it has to be your niece or one of her friends. Some people are snoops. I think they must have been looking for cash or drugs or a gun. But the odd thing is that she had to know that you would notice that the lock had been tampered with (right?).
I think that if I were to address this, I would take the route that YOU have nothing to explain or be embarrassed about (which you really don't). So just brazen through that part of it. Tell her it was clearly broken into and you are wondering if she knows what happened.
For the added issue of the blazer balled up in the corner - you KNOW it has to be #1. And I would actually bet that it was one of her friends. (I want to give her the benefit of a doubt that she's family and wouldn't do something so blatant. I can see a friend not caring.) She may actually not even realize what happened (although, once they found the box, I would expect there would be "guess what I found - giggle giggle" from whoever found it).
I would be direct about it, but big picture about it. "Hey, neice, this is awkward, but I need to ask about this. When we got home, it was very clear to us that someone had been in our room and gone through some of our things. What can you tell us about this?". You don't have to bring up the toys specifically.
Don't be wishy washy because if you give her room to deny, she may take it. If you're direct, she may admit to what happened.
There IS still a chance that she doesn't know one of her friends went into her room (if that is what happened), so if she denies knowing anything, you have to run w/ what YOU feel is the truth. If she denies, though, i would then push on "who came over/ what were you all doing/ did they spend the night (and maybe slept in your room?)".
I know you want to tread carefully, but from what you told us here, I have a hard time believing it wasn't your neice and/or her friends. You never know, she may fess up in some way and even be pissed HERSELF that one of her friends snooped.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Definitely. I'd say "We're thinking we had a burgular break in our our cleaning people were trying to steal from us. Before we call the police, we want to see if anyone knows anything."
Then the OP is then left wondering "is neice lying to me, or is it #2 or #3?".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would say what wrapped wrote. Word for word. Do not talk about suspecting a burgler or the cleaning people, b/c they will scatch their head and say "you know, maybe you should ask your cleaning lady...." even when they were playing with your vibrator.
I don't think you have to handle anything ASAP. I think you have evidence that she or someone she gave access to tampered with a locked box in your bedroom and she's not going to housesit anymore.
You're not imagining the bent lock and scratches. You're not imgining the adult toy in your son's hand. It happened. It happened on her watch. And since its not money that can be replaced or charges that can be filed, you move on.
Why discuss it? She's been discredited and while you might want to give her an opportuity for a plausible explanation, you know she can't produce one - and that's just going to embarrass everyone.
Because you know it's not the housecleaner/daughter or a burglar. Get real.
Perfect. This is exactly what I think.
I bet it was one of her friends.
If it were me, I'd bring it up. Not accusatory, but very matter of factly say, "Hey, when we returned we noticed the lockbox had been broken into. Did you have friends over? Who?"
And then see what she says.
I don't think you should bring it up. It probably won't make you feel any better about the situation (and will probably make your relationship with her more awkward). Replace the lockbox so the kids can't get in to the goody drawer and don't let her house sit again.
I agree with this and livingitup.
Part of me thinks you should point it out to her, so if it was done by one of her friends, she knows the kind of people she's hanging out with. But what if she was the one who actually did it? Do you really want to delve into all that? And would she actually admit it if she did? It might just be easier not to have to her housesit again.
Honestly, nothing was taken and no one was hurt and if your neice did do it or one of her friends and she knows about it, I bet she knows better and probably feels like an asshat. I wouldn't bring it up and next time you need a dog sitter, see if she'll take the dog at her house instead of coming to yours.
Are you united with the CCOKCs?