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son more financially responsible than parents?!
Oh the drama!
so this is my first post on here and to give you the story you need to know the history..
forgive me this is a long one.
K and I met 8/2006, started dating 10/2006. 9/2007 we decided we wanted to move in together. So we started saving and looking at places and planning. 7/2008 his parents dropped a bomb on him. They were filing bankruptcy and were losing their house. They had no place to go. He and his 2 younger sisters all lived there with the parents. They pressured him and he wound up getting a big house (4 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom) in 8/2007. The original plan was that they would pay the mortgage and we would pay the other bills while we live there until they got back on their feet and could afford it all themselves, then we would move out to our own place. We started working on fixing it up... new floors, paint, doors, windows, etc.. 1/2008 it was livable and we all moved in (me, him, his parents, and his 2 younger sisters).
It was tense right from the start.. the women in his family didnt seem to like me.
it is now 2011 (almost 2012) and we are all still here together...
so recently his dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and so he is no longer working and is trying to get on disability.
tonight when he asked his parents for the mortgage check so he could pay it they told him that they dont have the money for the mortgage this month.
they have known that for the last month and didnt tell him!
so he and I had to dip into our savings to pay for this months mortgage..
in our 5+ years of being together Ive seen him cry 3 times (including just now) and this just tore him apart.
the fact that his parents were just going to let the mortgage lapse and tarnish his credit (the house is in his name) and not care. it broke him.
Im so pissed at them!
how can a parent be so irresponsible?! they are supposed to be setting a good example for their children.
K and I are planning a wedding..
we are getting married June 30th!
we dont need this stress!
this wont be forever though..
they (his parents) KNOW that after we get married we are putting the house on the market because we are going to be looking at starting a family about a year after we get married..
we need a smaller house for just us.
we keep telling them and reminding them that they need to be prepared for it.
how is it possible that the son is more responsible than the parents?!
just needed to vent
thank you for reading if you made it through this.
Re: son more financially responsible than parents?!
What about Section 8 or subsidized housing?
You and he are in a bad spot --- they are expecting you to take on a huge financial load -- is this cultural? It sounds like it is to me.
What happened here that they are bankrupt? They owe you a full account and a full explanation how they got into this mess.
What about his mother? isn't she working? and if she is not, why isn't she?
In this market and with their financial history the wise thing is put it on the market now! It is only going to get worse, especially if his dad's condition gets worse. I wouldn't marry a guy who had his whole family living with him.
btw he is not more financially responsible than them if he allowed them to talk him in to buying a house he could not afford the mortgage.
Why not put the house on the market now? It will probably take a while to sell and even if it doesn't then you can get started in your own house sooner then planned.
I guess it's a good thing that you have been living rent/mortgage free since 1/2008. That 3+ years should have allowed you to save quite a bit so you can now take over the mortgage in your soon-to-be DH's name.
Crying over parents that are broke after declaring bankruptcy sucks, but at least your DH is "responsible" enough to have $$ in the bank to cover the mortgage, right?
Are you united with the CCOKCs?
Everything about this situation completely baffles me. Why would you and your fiance expect people who are filing for bankruptcy to have money to pay the mortgage on a regular basis? Why did they have to get a house, especially with someone else's name on the title? Why didn't they just rent a cheap apartment for awhile?
I would think very carefully about whether I wanted to marry someone who is so willing to bail out his irresponsible parents to his own detriment, and who allows his family to treat you poorly in your home. This is not a mutually beneficial situation- you're all strangling each other.
And no, if your fiance took on a mortgage that he can't afford and planned to rely on people with a track record of poor money management habits to pay it every month, he's not all that responsible.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Lurker here - but can't resist. I agree with imoan - wtf about this situation made any sense in the beginning? They file bankruptcy, yet you buy a house that you can't afford under the agreement that they pay the mtg - which they were JUST unable to do at their OWN house? ::smh::
Yes, it is possible that a person is more financially responsible then his/her parents. It is also possible that he is a pushover and has made bad decisions because of it.
You need to get this all straightened out before you get married. You know that, right? This is a long term problem.
agreed. sorry OP, but it sounds like the apple did not fall far from the tree.
good luck.
He might have more money, but he is not as responsible. Buying a house that you can't afford, even if someone PROMISES to make the payments is not responsible.
Good luck with everything.
Your FI is not financially responsible. Sorry.
Take his parents out of the equation. If he purchased a house he cannot afford, then it needs to go on the market now.
I'd think about postponing the wedding. You two need to live on your own and run your own household budget in a responsible manner before you get married, and definitely before you start a family.
And OP, you have to know that if Gioia is agreeing with me instead of essentially calling me an azzhole... you have a MAJOR problem.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I agree with the others. I am one of several people on here whose ILs had financial troubles when the economy tanked. Of course we helped, but within reason. Although my ILs would never take advantage of us or mooch off of us.
You guys have a lot of issues here. Buying a larger house to suit them was not a reasonable decision. Lending them or even giving them a security deposit for an apartment would have been much more reasonable. Allowing himself to be used and manipulated and then being surprised when they used him makes me worry about his emotional stability and ability to separate himself from toxic parents.
I would plan on selling the house ASAP and finding a more suitable house for yourselves. Get into pre marital counseling to work through some of the emotional ramifications you're going to face from cutting them off and possibly help them find an appropriate apartment and come up with a security deposit. After that. they're on their own.