Holidays
RenoisPrettierThanYou
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8 family members invited themselves to my house for T-giving.
in Holidays
I'd like to think it's because I did a good job last year, but I really think they're just too cheap and lazy....so, there goes my cozy, romantic Thanksgiving.
Re: 8 family members invited themselves to my house for T-giving.
You and your husband really need to be on the same page about this - it will make saying "no" a lot easier. I'm a believer that family issues, regardless of whose family it is, should be dealt with as a couple.
That being said, if a cozy, romantic Thanksgiving is what you two had planned then that's what should go on (if that's what you both still want, regardless of what family member say). Just let them know that you're not really sure how communications got crossed, but that you aren't hosting Thanksgiving this year. Either way, make sure you tell them together and quickly... Thanksgiving is right around the corner!
If you haven't done anything by the time that I'm posting, it's probably too late. However, I'd make sure to talk to DH that while you enjoy hosting Thanksgiving (and/or any other holiday) for his family, you don't have the energy or the resources to do so every year. I don't know how your family runs, but the women are the cookers/bakers in my family, and there would be no concept from DH as to the time and effort that goes into that kind of meal. I remember cooking/hosting for a group of about 20 once when I was a student - there were 3 of us preparing together, and we were working from early am until dinner hit the table on 7 o'clock. Fun and delicious, but EXHAUSTING. Anyway, go ahead and make it known that you'd like to have a few cozy, romantic holidays in the future so you don't get a repeat next year.
Out of curiousity, is this something where you were all hanging out together and the family was like hey, we'll be over at your house next week? Or did your husband ask you about having his family over privately? We have the rule in our house that we have to discuss it privately before commiting to that type of thing - very important since my parents, his parents, his mom's side of the family and his dad's side of the family all live in state, and we have to coordinate in private to make sure that holidays are getting split as fairly as possible.The appropriate time to discuss our holiday schedule is NOT in front of the relatives who may get left out of that holiday, and I don't think it's fair for one spouse to ask while sitting there with his/her side of the family if they can spend holiday X with them, thereby forcing the other spouse to either cave or be the bad guy. If one side of the family tries to dictate when/where we're spending our holidays before we've had a chance to discuss it, our response is that we're still working out what's going on with family schedules and work schedules and we'll let them know ASAP. That way we can come back with an answer as a united front and be happy with our decision.
Also, even if you love DH's family, that doesn't mean you have to bear the brunt of all the prep by yourself. I know you said you were afraid they were just trying to be cheap and lazy. I'd call them and up and let them know what they can bring - or simply call them up and put them on the spot and ask what they are bringing, depending on how you think that will be best received. Now that all the "kids" in the family are adults, it's pretty much the normal that EVERYONE contributes to the effort of Thanksgiving. There's no reason why a group of adults should descend on you and not expect to help.