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When do you bring up the Divorce to dates?
So, I met my date on eHarmony, where it doesn't say if the person has been married previously or not (whereas Match does). While date and I talked all week via email/phone, it wasn't brought up. I don't think it's really something for the first date either. (there was one point where I guess I could have brought it up as it was in relation to another topic, but still didn't think it was the time to bring it up).
So, for those of you who have gone on dates where the guy didn't already know, how/when did you bring it up? I'm pretty sure there will be a date #2 at this point, and I'd rather do it sooner vs. later.
The good thing is that I dno't think I have alot of drama for my divorce and it was a clean break, so hopefully it goes over smoothly?
Re: When do you bring up the Divorce to dates?
I don't know why it would be an issue? I usually disclosed my divorce in early conversations. 1st or 2nd date. It is was never a big deal.
ETA: Since I have a kid and I always disclose that fact on the first date or before it is very natural for the "Where's her father?" question to pop up. I just say we are divorced/not together.
LOL telling a person WHY her father is not around is the most uncomfortable thing to tell anyone (date/friend/coworker) so I save that for later on. Everything else is just not a big deal to me!
Not saying it's an issue...it just hasn't been brought up yet.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I get what you are saying. I just don't think it is awkward to ask a person on the first or second date if they have ever been married. I mean i wouldn't be aggressive about it, lol, but I don't think it is an uncomfortable question to ask or answer.
When I was in eharmony, guys assumed I'd been married because I have a kid. They would usually say something like, "So are things friendly with your ex for your kid?" And then I would give some info about the situation.
I did meet a guy on there who had been divorced - no kids. He mentioned it in one of our email exchanges. I think he said something like, "I wish there was a place to put this in the profile, but there isn't. But I did want you to know I have been married before and am now divorced." I thought that was a nice and easy way to get it out there.
Maybe you could do something similar. "Hey, I had a really nice time with you and would love to go out again, but I do want to be honest with you (since eharmony doesn't give me any place to put this out there) and let you know that I was married once before."
I have only been separated a few months and have talked to a few guys, been on 1 date but I always tell them right off the bat that I'm getting a divorce.
If they can't handle that then they can go kick rocks.
<a href="http://s941.photobucket.com/albums/ad259/laurens1122-bfp/?action=view
I'm sort of a WYSIWYG kind of person, so I think I'd tell before we even got to the first date. I assume there would be talking/e-mailing/etc before that, so I'd try to bring it up early on. I'd be put off if I went out with a guy and on the 2nd or 3rd date I found out he'd been married before. IMO, that's a pretty big part of who someone is. Not that we're damaged or anything, but it is a very important part of our past. That's just me, though, and I haven't started dating yet, so I don't know how I'd handle it if I was actually IN that situation. I also have kids and was married for 9 years, so that's probably why I think it's such a biggie. If I was married for a much shorter time and didn't have children, I might think differently.
I always considered it 2nd or 3rd date conversation, unless it came up naturally in another way.
I also think it can make for some really interesting and enlightening conversation about relationships -- it can be a good segue into what you each expect out of relationships, what you usually find hard or easy, etc.
Personally, I would consider it TMI if someone busted that out on date #1. Hey dude, I barely know you and am not even sure I want a second date yet. Hold off on your skeletons.
But that's just me.
Ooh I totally had different thoughts on this and so did my friends. My counselor has been encouraging me to date to see what else is out there (I think to get me more hopeful), have fun and get my confidence/social skills back. I decided to finally try it out after 6 months of being alone. Since I don't really meet new people often, I decided to give Match.com a try.
On there, you can put divorce or separated but instead I selected single, which inadvertently then lists you as never married (I wish there was just a single option).
I was iffy putting it like that but my friends thought it made complete sense. They think it's ridiculous to put that personal detail out there like that so soon. It's not really a way I identify myself even with people I know really well. They also thought putting it out there would then require me to answer questions or talk about it when I really have no interest in doing so. They think I would only need to tell someone if the relationship got serious, which I have no intention of doing. I totally agreed with them.
But now reading all your posts make me think I am totally in the wrong. I guess when I am dating, I really have no expectations or need to hear about possible baggage/dealbreakers/issues until things get more serious...so we're talking months here until those kind of details come out. Granted, I am also not dating for the purpose of meeting the one. People online have asked me what I am looking for or want and some have shared they are looking for marriage/kids. I just say I am taking my life day by day and have no plan, which I think is honest.