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Dear....
The almost-Thanksgiving edition!
Dear annoying head of division,
No, you do not need another revenue report. You know why? Because I sent you one MONDAY and it will be the exact same thing today. I will literally forward you the email I sent Monday with a note saying "please see the attached report from MONDAY." Do you see why this is annoying and a waste of my time? Because it is. And I'll kill you.
Dear annoying husband,
When you give me a list of days and even specific times at which to make a follow up RE appointment and then tell me 3 days before the appointment that we need to reschedule, I am going to freak out at you. Especially when you give me a new list of days/times for just the following week. They book more than 4 days out, big guy. And if you're the one with the crazy schedule than YOU call and make the f'ing appointment. And again, it's not like I picked the last date and made you fit it in to your schedule, YOU PICKED IT.
Dear annoying sister,
Don't call me at 3am from New Orleans. I'm sleeping. And I need my sleep to deal with things like my annoying head of division and my annoying husband.
Anyone else?
Re: Dear....
Dear stomach,
why are you always hungry lately, I do not want to gain any weight thank you very much and all you want is crap.
Dear H,
Can you please get up with the baby tomorrow morning? You have been off all week yet I am still up with her.
Dear Primary Doctor,
I've called you twice looking for referrals for my infertility treatments and no one has called me back. I've been stressing about paying this bill since I wasn't expecting it. I had another appointment today and they informed me that you called and gave the referral but for only going forward. Thanks a lot for calling me to let me know that, it would have been a 2 minute conversation and saved me days of not being fustrated.
Dear Husband,
Please let me win just once in words with friends
lol
Dear Mind/Body,
Just because you are going to see a nutritionist in 2 weeks, does not give you the okay to crave/eat all the bad things in the mean time. This will not help in the long run.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
Dear Boss,
I know I inadvertently mentioned I would stay until 5pm today, but PLEASE have a change of heart and let us go home early!
Dear Heartless Client,
NO, we will not schedule closings for tomorrow afternoon.
Dear Mom,
Please stop freaking out about potential vacation plans Chris and I might have in April. We don't even know what's going on yet, so trust me, as soon as we do, we will let you know if and when we need you to watch Sam.
Dear everyone who is off for the rest of the week,
You suck! ;p
updated 10.03.12
Dear Back,
I am sorry I was acting dumb at the bar and fell off the stool. If you could stop hurting long enough for me to get through work I will treat you to some ice cream later! (Pinky promise!)
UPS man,
Sometimes you get here at noon, and sometimes you get here at 7:30PM. I really hope today is a noon day, because you have my new replacement wedding band, and I want it now!
Grandmother,
Please quit acting all offended that I "uninvited" to our mini-Thanksgiving. A) I never invited you in the first place,
But I also never uninvited you. I just reminded you that I have a tiny 1 bedroom apartment and we'll be doing a full Thanksgiving with the whole family 24 hours later. I love you dearly, I just really didn't want to cook food for 8 people. Hence the "mini" part of tomorrow's plans.
Dear New Apartment,
Please pull yourself together. I am over cleaning and organizing all day every day I have off. I just want to lay around and sleeeeeeeeep.
Oh, and you owe me a parrafin manicure, because my hands and cuticles are beyond normal repair.
Dear Grace,
I love you and I'd love to stay home with you all day every day, but momma has to go to work sometimes. Or to the grocery store. Or to IKEA. It will be okay, I promise you to come home and give you extra loving, but you need to stop freaking out. We have a new house. It is okay, better even- you have your own bedroom! I promise to go through leave training with you this weekend, but in the meantime I'm going to have to leave at least 2 different times. Please be calm.
Stand up for something you believe in.
ETA: Verizon lady,
You're really annoying me. You called claiming you wanted to conduct a quick survey to see if my plan was meeting my needs and maybe save me some money. Then you proceeded to try and upsell me on a bigger data plan and an iPhone. Seriously? I want to hang up on you.
Aw yay, Amanda! I'm glad to hear you're getting a new ring!
Speaking of rings...
Dear ring finger,
Can you please shrink back to your normal size so that I can wear my rings again?! Please!!!
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
Dear SIL,
Thanks for waiting until Tuesday night to let us know that you invited an extra 5 people to Thanksgiving. I did my grocery shopping on Saturday. Now, I get to make a return trip today. I am not thankful about it.
Dear Black Friday email ads,
MAKE IT STOP. Waking up to like 30 emails worth of Black Friday ads and coupons and doorbusters and pre-black friday stuff makes my head want to explode. I don't need a reminder everyday about how much I don't want to shop on Friday.
Dear extended family,
Stop sucking. I'm kind of over it but for my parents sake, please stop being asshats. My dad is your brother after all. And my mom is your sister. Start acting like it. And if you can't, then let's stop pretending we're one big happy family and stop spending the holidays together.
I know! I'm so excited! It matches all my other jewelry, and we found it at an estate sale. I had to have it resized, but it should finally be here today! Sooooo excited to no longer hate my ring!
Also, apologies everybody for the ETA fail. That's what I get for attempting to multi-task while annoyed.
Dear Husband - it would be awesome if you would clean the house so I don't have to.
Dear company - the memorial page you did for Frances was really lovely. Thanks for doing that.
Dear self - shake it off and get into the holiday spirit!
...Kitchen. Clean yourself.
...Me. Quit being lazy and finish getting the house and all you're stuff ready to leave tonight!
...Stuffy nose. Please go away.
Fedex - my shipment was supposed to come yesterday, and according to your update, it didn't get delivered because you were too busy sending it to the USPS to deliver? Now who knows when I'll get it. This displeases me.
This= my worst nightmare of shipping issues. I have had it come on time once when they transferred to USPS, otherwise, it is completely hopeless, you'll get your stuff in 3-5ish days from the point of transfer.
Stand up for something you believe in.
Dear Husband,
Stop bitching and complaining about how much you hate your job and make some changes in your life. It's not that hard ; I just did it myself....
Dear Appetite,
Curb yourself flabby ass!
Dear Coffee,
I love you so much; you help me work and have energy to play with Nate when I get home. AND you are delicious even without your friends cream and sugar. Thank you dear....
Unless they (USPS) completely lose it and take a month to admit it. This is what happened with a bra I ordered two months ago.
Niners- I miss you! I've been trying to keep up. I wrote out Jesse's birth story and I've been meaning to type it up and post it.
Siggy- I promised myself I wouldn't be the type to let my ticker go to an absurd amount of pregnant, but here it is... I wish it would automatically change.
Oh good ol' FedEx SmartPost. The absolute bane of my existence.....