Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dating while going thru a divorce
I know a lot of people that do it- just wanted to hear others opinions about it? Have you done it?
Re: Dating while going thru a divorce
I agree with this completely, especially the last bit. We've all taken different paths. Personally, I wanted to take a lot of time for myself before I considered dating - I needed to do therapy and mourn the loss of my relationship before I could wrap my brain around dating.
I have no desire to start dating while going through a divorce. I don't feel right dating when my legal status is still married. If I really like a guy, I would ask him to wait until my divorce is finalized. I want all the divorce crap to be over with before starting a new relationship as I want a true beginning on a clean slate mentally, physically and emotionally.
Though, honestly, having a son and trying to be the best role model for him and also protecting his heart as well as mine gives me patience and the desire to wait before jumping into another relationship. I am not the same girl I was 5 or 10 years ago and my thoughts on casual dating have changed. I only seek friendship first and if that friendship evolved into something more, then I may consider dating again.
Ditto PP's on making sure you're ok with who YOU are and taking the time to learn from your experience before moving on to another one.
I told myself that I would wait until my divorce was final before I started dating. I was emotionally ready by 5 months post-separation, but with being a single mom to a toddler, working full time and going to school full time, I knew I wouldn't have the energy to actively date. I was ok with being single and I was content with my life.
My FF (firefighter) came into my life at 7 months post-separation (3 months after I filed for divorce) by complete surprise. We went to the same high school together and were in the same 4-H horse club growing up, so it's not like he was a stranger. We went into the credit union where my mom works to get a loan for his new camper. My mom asked him if he wanted his wife on the loan, and that's when he told her he was divorced. My mom took this opportunity to tell him about my divorce and he was stunned. He thought about it for a minute and then said "Well, I'm single now, have her get ahold of me!" Long story short, we started talking on FB and met up for drinks to talk about our divorces and catch up on our lives.
That was 7.5 months ago and neither of us could be happier. It just goes to show that you shouldn't hold back on something simply because your divorce isn't final. However, I was fortunate that I was emotionally ready when FF came into my life. Had I not been, it wasn't meant to be.
I went on a couple of dates when I was separated, but the only thing I got out of those experiences was that I wasn't ready. I dated casually right after the divorce was finalized, and then entered my first post-divorce relationship a couple of months after that. It was a good timeline for me.
It took a year for me to get divorced, even without children. I spent the time strengthening other parts of my life.
My separation/divorce took almost a year and 1/2. SO and I started dating, and became serious before the divorce was final. We were long distance for a year initially. To get to that place I went through therapy 2 - 3 times a month and really focused on me and what I needed.
We are still together now, almost 2 years later. But I am the exception, not the rule. I wouldn't generally advise people to do things the way I did it...it just worked for me.
I've been with SO longer than I was married.
No kids.