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Feeling bad for having to depend on others
Since my exFI left me I have had to really depend on friends because I have had to start working full time recently and because of my commute I need someone to help me a few days a week at dropping off and picking up DS from daycare.
I am just feeling so angry with exFI that he has left me in this position to have to depend on others. And it isn't only the few days a week with daycare but also because I can't afford my own place right now I am having to live with a friend. I have an attorney and should be getting child support sometime in the next few months but I have gone since Aug without much help from him. He has been givng me a few hundred dollars a month voluntarily but that isn't going to help me get a place to live. Even after we agree on an amount for child support I don't know if it will cover all the expenses for me to be able to live in my own place. Daycare is so expensive. He should be the one providing for me and my son not my friends. Because we live an hour and a half away from each other him or his family helping me on weekdays is not an option. And my family cannot help me because they work and usually wouldn't be able to help.
Please don't tell me I am wrong in feeling this way. He made a committment to me and agreed to have a child with me and now I feel like he just threw us out on the street. We were supposed to raise this child together.
Re: Feeling bad for having to depend on others
It's natural to resent your Ex for not living up to his end of the deal, but you'll need to move on and put it behind you. Things aren't how you wanted them to be and it'll be a little rough for a while, but you'll be okay without him.
I understand about feeling bad for having to depend on others. I'm a single mom too and my parents help me out a lot with watching DD. I'm very lucky to have them, but I do feel bad about accepting help...it's something that's always been hard for me. Hopefully with time it'll get easier because we do need help and support from others!
CS is not supposed to be enough for you to live on. Spousal support, also called alimony, helps you get back on your feet, not child support.
Yes, you're going to have to work full time and yes daycare is expensive. These are all things that you should have thought about before planning to have a child. Getting back on your feet is difficult, for sure. Be thankful that you have people who can help support you during this time.
You're not the only one who has had to start over and you won't be the last. I suggest counseling (again, because we've suggested it before) to get over the anger you feel towards him. Also, have you ASKED your family for help? All you mentioned that that they cant, but have you actually asked?
Yes, you're a "victim", but you're going to need to get over it if you want the life that's best for you and your child. There are women on here who have it a lot worse than you do. Start considering yourself lucky that he left you before you were married, didn't give you some permanent STD, didn't beat you up, ruin your credit, make you break the law, isn't rotting away in prison, didn't molest your child, etc...then come back and tell us how you're doing.
ETA: It's ok to feel down about your situation--we all do sometimes--but you've been throwing yourself an epic pity party.
I can relate to where you are coming from. I have been living with my parents since January and really don't like feeling dependent on them.
Here's the thing though: you do what you have to for your child's sake. I don't like living back at home after being gone for 8 years, but it' what's best for DS. If you have to ask your friends and family for help for a while, do it. There will come a time when things are more manageable for you and the favor will need to be returned, think of it that way.
As for the "couple hundred dollars a month" from your ex, be grateful. Use it for whatever you can be it daycare, clothing, food and shelter for DS. This money is not meant for you. I certainly don't use CS as a means to get back on my feet.
It sure blows that you're in this position, but all you can do is suck it up, make the best of it and get on with it. I know personally, once I stopped feeling sorry for myself, talked to a counselor and started living again, things looked 1,000 times better. Life's what you make it dear so grab it by the balls and don't EVER let it make you its biitch.