Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Question about children and entertaining themselves..
So, SD is not capable of entertaining herself AT ALL. We are expected to entertain her 100% of the time - and she runs from project to project all.day.long. She probably lasts about 5 minutes with each toy/project. She has a massive amount of toys/stuff here and based on what her grandfather has told me, she has a gazilion toys at her mama's house and that her mama is constantly buying her stuff. I used to judge but now I wonder if her mama doesn't constantly buy her stuff in an attempt to keep her entertained? Anyway, it was especially awful yesterday when we were trying to cook lunch (for 10) and attempted to sit her down at the island with a coloring book or puzzle or barbie thing or whatever but then she had a meltdown and started screaming "Why don't you want to play with me?" After lunch when everyone was over here, we were trying to talk with the adults and she threw another fit and said "I want to go home, my mom will play with me." We loaded her up and took her to the park.
Now, we don't get to see her very often, so 99% of the time we are constantly doing something with her but it just isn't possible all.the.time and it is certainly ridiculous for her to throw a fit if we are obviously busy.
It is probably just my inexperience with children....so...thoughts? She turns six in January.
??????? Please advise.
Re: Question about children and entertaining themselves..
I think it is fine that you can't entertain her all of the time. I think kids need to be able to entertain themselves a bit too (for them to learn how to do that and for your sanity!)
She is just over a year older than V, and he jumps from one thing to another quite a bit too (which I do think is normal), but he does have a few things that keep his attention for longer periods (for him its mostly airplanes/cars/trains or coloring). Maybe letting her choose what she wants to do for a time to play alone? Or have a toy that is special to play with by herself?
I noticed with my kids, when they had less options for toys, they stuck with one thing longer. I weeded out a bunch of their toys and when they only have a few choices it seems to work better for them.
As far as cooking goes, I often sit my kids at the bar with crayons too, but sometimes I can get them involved with the cooking (maybe have her tell you how many cups of this or tablespoons of that you need or whatever, or dumping stuff into a bowl, mixing, etc).
I have't tried this becuase it takes patience that I just don't have, but I also read that it helps kids to learn to entertain themselves a bit if you tell them "I need to XYZ for 5 minutes, and you play by yourself and then I will play with you" and set a timer. That way they know that you are coming.
I don't know about other kids, but I was most certainly capable of entertaining myself as a child. In fact, I preferred to be alone.
I have, however, baby sat for a friend (in the past...long ago) and her daughter definitely needed to have attention all the time, and it drove me batty. I guess it's just a case-by-case basis. However, the child I baby sat belonged to a single mom, and maybe that made a difference? I was the younger of two children in a two-parent household.
In my opinion, her mom has done her a huge disservice here. At that age, I could entertain myself for hours. Playing by myself did great things for my imagination, and it sounds like she's never really had the opportunity to learn how to deal with herself. I'm sure it's uncomfortable for her mom when she throws fits, but she needs to not reward her every time with something to do.
That must have been really annoying. I think being a step-parent has got to be one of the most challenging roles out there for sure.
I think her mom has conditioned her to think that if she wants someone to play with her then they will, and if she wants something else to play with then she's got it. It'll take time, but if you reinforce it enough that sometimes you're busy and she needs to entertain herself then eventually she'll get it. You'll lose your mind if you have to play with/entertain her 24/7--I know I would!
I know I entertained myself when I was younger - in fact, my mom busted me talking to myself all the time - as I got older (esp in my teens) I always wanted to be doing stuff (I am still that way which is probably why, career wise, I am relatively successful). And I still talk to myself.
I think Jenn is correct, she probably has too many toys. She has toys she has never even opened! It makes me sick. Maybe we need to take some of them away.
DH and I talked about this on the drive home today - his parents were way annoyed too - but I am glad because I think more and more they are starting to see the reality of the situation rather than what the mom tells them. Regardless, when she had her meltdown when his parents were here, I felt guilty and didn't want to look bad in front of his family, or have SD go home and talk about how bad we are, so we went for a walk to the park. I SHOULD HAVE said "Well, SD, you hang out here in your room and work it out" closed her door, and left her alone. I guess?!? We certainly don't want to stick her in her room to play alone every time she is here, that would defeat the purpose of her visits but right now, something has to give and the constant nagging to play all the time may cause me to lose my mind.
As far as the timer thing, we do that, especially in the mornings so we can at least sleep to 7am - DH will give her his phone and tell her to get us when the alarm goes off - doesn't work. She will be in our room every two minutes "when are you getting up, I want to play, I am thirsty, I am hungry, when are you getting up Daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy." As far as this situation, do we reset the timer and say "Hey, we get another 20 minutes because you kept bugging us?" or do we just get out of bed (what we did)? ????
Sorry for the vent- I am just super frustrated. It is so important to me to be a good (perfect) StepMom but I am wore out and today I definitely lost my cool.
And yes, she does play with Dasher but poor Dasher gets worn out too. You should see her now, passed out in bed, sawing logs.
Give the kid a time-out Supernanny style, one minute for every year of her age, when she wakes you up before it's time for you to get up. And definitely give a time-out when she throws a tantrum. Set up a space in your house just for that purpose.
LOL. I needed this - thank you!!