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Long Distance Marriage +
Hi all, first post here, and just looking for some friendly advice. My H and I were together 10 years before we were married in April 2011. I am currently in veterinary school overseas; the H was here with me for the first year of grad school, and we decided it was time for him to finish his undergrad. He moved back to the States in August. I see/will see him every 4 months (my breaks between semesters) for 2-3 weeks at a time, then it's back to school for me. I am really proud of him for wanting to go back to school.
So now about me 
. I am
extremely happy and very proud to be his wife, and can't wait till Vet
school is over so I can finally be a 'married couple'. Unfortunately,
right now, with being so far away it just gets so lonely. We talk every
day and I see him through Skype. He's noticed that I am upset more
often now, just because I'm lonely. I try to keep busy with school, but
there's only so much studying one can do in a day.
Anyone have
any advice to dealing with the loneliness? It's almost getting worse
the closer I get to going home (18 days!). I'm very excited about going
home, but since I seem to be counting the seconds, it is going by SO
SLOW. The H tells me to try not to count the minutes, but just take
each day as it comes. He's told me he will come back if I need him to,
and of course I would love that, but I also feel that it would be
selfish of me to take him away from his schooling, which he is really
excelling at.
Here's hoping it gets easier. I'm on this island for another year...
(original post on married life, and someone suggested I try here) Thanks!
Re: Long Distance Marriage +
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We did the same every break schedule for awhile (every 3 months for us, but same difference).
Honestly, b/c I'd dealt with deployments for so long, it seemed like a good deal! School of course keeps you busy. It's also easy when you have an end point.
One of the things we did to keep us sane was plan what we call rock star vacations. Because we both lived so frugally when living alone, whereas we would have gone out to dinner once or twice a week, we splurged on our trips together thinking that it evened out from our overall budget living together. It made it much easier to look forward to an awesome vacation as well as expend effort toward planning it.
We've both always sort of been loners, so the time apart wasn't a big deal. I love having a day with nothing to do but read and cook. I really don't need much interaction. But I realize not everyone is like me.
One of my tricks was to write down in a tiny notebook things I wanted to say to him throughout the day as they happened. Because of the time change, one of us was always exhausted when we talked, and therefore forgetful. "Um, I, um, sleep, nothing to say" doesn't make for good conversation, so it was nice to not only have a topic but also to have a connection of when I thought about him throughout the day.
I definitely agree with this!
I also journaled a lot to get out my feelings that maybe I didn't have an opportunity to get out when I talked to him.
This one is a little extreme/strange(and it also may sound selfish/weird/not sure the right word), but definitely helped me suck it up and deal with it. I always tried to remind myself that someone has it worse than I do. For example: When I would catch myself moping because I hadn't talked to DH in XX weeks, I would try to remind myself that at least he is alive and I will talk to him eventually. LIke I said, for me it was pretty extreme"it could always be worse." I don't really know how to explain this one, but it always seemed to slap me back into reality and make me realize how good I do actually have it.
If you are finding it difficult to fill your days, find a project or a hobby. Are there any opportunities to volunteer? Can you hone your cooking skills?
Also, remind yourself that you and your DH have made this decision for good reasons. This will help further the possibilities and opportunities for you as a couple. It's not easy, but doing the right thing is often difficult. If it were easy, everyone would do it! Good luck!