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Already sick of wedding drama (vent... long)
I seriously don't understand why weddings bring out the very worst in people...
back story: My MOH at my wedding (the one who backed out 2 weeks before) and I started patching things up around the time I got pregnant with Wyatt, and over the last year or so we've been getting close again. We've both changed quite a bit, and we decided to keep each other at more of a distance than before.
Back in June she got engaged (she proposed to him), and asked me to be a BM... I reluctantly agreed because it meant a lot to her, but I told her the moment that serious drama was up, I was out because I didn't want a repeat of last time.
FF to September we all went dress shopping. She loved 2 dresses, one that another BM (very very pushy girl) really liked, and one that I (and another BM) liked better. She ended up buying the one that I liked, not because I liked it, but because she had a lot of things she wanted changed about the other one. It just made sense. We also looked at BM dresses and found one we were all comfortable with (I thought). One bridesmaid is a big, tall girl, and I hope to be pregnant by summer, so I asked if we could get a dress that would accommodate that. The pushy BM is a tiny little thing and wants something sexy, form fitting and short, which wouldn't look good on either of us. To make things much more difficult, my friend does not want us all wearing different styles (ugh!!!).
Today she came over and explained to be that the pushy BM is getting really upset (2 months later!!!) that she chose the wedding dress that she did, and thinks it is because she wants to keep me happy. She is also upset that she has to get a 'frumpy' dress because I'm 'inconsiderate' enough to plan to get pregnant before the wedding (even though I've been completely open about our plans from day 1).
Apparently pushy BM is upset about a lot of other things including the invitations, which I am helping my friend make, and because we're using a lot of decorations from my wedding (to save some serious $)... I'm pretty sure this girl is only interested in being in the wedding so that she can plan it, because her boyfriend refuses to marry her, but that is just my opinion.
I tried to be nice about it, and explained to my friend that if I was going to be involved in a bunch of drama, I would spare her (and myself) the headache and just back out. She told me not to back out because she really wants me there.... My Mom (and several friends) think I'm crazy for even thinking about being in this wedding, and I'm starting to agree with them. I told her that I will help out as much as she wants me to, and if it means not walking down the isle and sitting at the head table to keep the peace so be it.
Needless to say, I came for opinions. I feel bad backing out, since pushy BM predicted that I would back out, but I think it could very well be for the best. Thoughts?
Re: Already sick of wedding drama (vent... long)
1st - I didn't know you were TTC! Although I should have guessed from your pinterest pictures :-) Best of Luck to you and Lance!
Do you know pushy BM well enough to have a heart-to-heart with her? I think that even if you were to bow out now there would still be the drama - the dress has been ordered (I assume), the invites are already being made. Is there something she can be 'in control' of? Shower? Bachelorette?
Just another thought - You don't strike me as someone to pick a 'frumpy' dress, PG or not.
Thanks! Yeah, we're hoping to get the deed done this month, we're really trying to avoid another winter/spring baby so that my Mom can be there this time... plus feeding cows + new baby = a lot more work lol.
I do know the girl quite well, and I actually really like her, and I know that she likes me, which makes this so much harder. She told my friend that she is just 'looking out' for her, which I can kind of understand, seeing as she likes to play the victim, so everything that happened with my wedding is being viewed as my fault... whatever.
We were going to go ahead and order dresses in January (wedding isn't until Sept. 1), but I guess we'll have a little bit more shopping to do first. I think I might do what you said and sit down and talk with her about maybe having some more control over her shower or decorating or something... I find it strange that she thinks I'm controlling everything when all I'm doing is trying to help the bride. That being said, my friend has a way with escalating the situation, so it probably would be a good idea to talk with her first.
This "pushy BM" sounds like she has other issues besides needing to feel in control of something for this wedding. It also seems like the bride is really immature and unable to stand by her own decisions.
IMO you are already bending over backward to avoid conflict and be helpful to this bride and it isn't working out. If it were me, I would tell your friend that you are happy for her and wish her all the best, but you feel that being part of her bridal party is putting too much strain on your friendship. If you back out now then you aren't out dress money, she has time to figure out invitations and any other things you may have done as a BM.
I think sticking around is only going to allow the situation to get worse. That isn't fair to anyone involved.
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