Starting Over
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Advice needed

My STBXH makes triple the amount of money I do

He has primary residence of the kids and we have joint custody.  I have them every other weekend, Monday nights and Wednesday nights.  This just worked better because he can rent a house, whereas my apartment is in a noisy area of town.

The marital home went into foreclosure.

I'm barely getting by, sometimes unable to buy groceries to the kids without borrowing money.  I had a second job but the attorney is in early retirement and just doesn't make enough to utilize me any longer.  I'm unable to pay my rent on time and asked STBXH (we are on good terms, mainly because money was never an issue) to borrow money until the 9th so I could pay the rent and he is refusing.

I'm scared to ask for child support or alimony because I don't have the kids full-time and am just wondering what situation others were in.  I have a lawyer but we haven't really discussed the terms of this yet as he is away.  We were married 6 years.

Re: Advice needed

  • I'm not sure why he has primary residence of the kids, what is the reasoning behind this?

    This really sounds like a legal question, and, since you work for an attorney why wouldn't you ask him/her? 

    I also don't think you can ask for CS when he has the children more than you do, but don't quote me on that. 

    This entire post has me confused.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Like achase said, I doubt you'll qualify to receive CS since your STBXH has the children more than you do.

    It varies state to state, but where I live, the duration of the marriage is a factor in determining if spousal support (no longer called alimony) should be awarded. Other things, like prior "quality of life" are also considered.

    Talk to a lawyer to get the real answers.

    image
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Talk to lawyer, you may qualify for CS since there is a large discrepancy in your income and your exs

    image
  • In all honesty if the situation was reversed I would tell you not to give your X money too. So, I do not for one second hold that decision against your X.

    You need to ask a lawyer about spousal support, see if you qualify for government asistance and look for more work. GL.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Can you find a part-time job on the nights you don't have your kids?
    The day I left was just my beginning.
  • I am looking for a second job but everyone wants weekends and I have my kids every other weekend and with the holiday season that isn't flying.

    He has primary residence because he rents a house in a quieter part of town and we just agreed it was best.  I rented what I could afford but it isn't the best part of town and is pretty loud.  We have just about a 50% split of the kids....I still buy their clothes and groceries. ETA - I buy for them on the days they are with me and not all their clothes just for my house.

  • image+Mama2Aaron+:

    I am looking for a second job but everyone wants weekends and I have my kids every other weekend and with the holiday season that isn't flying.

    He has primary residence because he rents a house in a quieter part of town and we just agreed it was best.  I rented what I could afford but it isn't the best part of town and is pretty loud.  We have just about a 50% split of the kids....I still buy their clothes and groceries. ETA - I buy for them on the days they are with me and not all their clothes just for my house.

    My suggestion is looking at hospitals and universities. They have many more shifts and schedules available which would make it easier. I still think you should look into government assistance if you are not able to afford food. Until you can find a beter paying job or extra income.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • image+Mama2Aaron+:
    He has primary residence because he rents a house in a quieter part of town and we just agreed it was best.  I rented what I could afford but it isn't the best part of town and is pretty loud.  We have just about a 50% split of the kids....I still buy their clothes and groceries. ETA - I buy for them on the days they are with me and not all their clothes just for my house.

    Have you spoken with an attorney at all?

  • I typically give the side eye to moms who do not have physical custody of their children no matter what the reason but I am not going to judge you..yet.

    Most, if not all, states have a formula that is used to determine support.  Spousal support is almost impossible to get.  If your EH income is significantly more than yours then you *may* qualify for child support.  You would have to talk to an attorney and go to court.  

    In addition there are lots of services out there for assistance...heating, food, rent but they are all based on income and the amount of people in the home.  Seeing as though technically you are alone, you may not qualify.  But it is worth a shot.  

    And am I understanding correctly that you buy ALL their clothes?  Your EX should give you something towards them if he isn't providing you CS.  I buy all of my DD clothes but she is with me 90% of the month and it is figured in my support.  

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards