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I have to put out my T-giving vent (IL related)
1 - I don't know if I mentioned this previously, but a few visits ago, FIL needed to take a nap before driving home (about 45 mins away). That particular time, I have no doubt that he probably was tired from "something" and really did need to nap.
But now - it's become a "thing". EVERY time they come now, he needs to take a nap before going home. Usually, their visits are only about 2 hours and they always entail needing to order lunch too. Heaven forbid they come up having already eaten and can actually really focus on DS (who they complain they don't get to see enough).
Knowing FIL, it's really not so much that he needs to nap. It's more about "Oh- I did it that time and it was fine, so eh, no need to make sure I'm well rested before going. I'll just nap while I'm there".
So, of course, same thing w/ Thanksgiving - he needed to nap. And this is a going into our room, closing the door, and sleeping in our bed kind of nap (it being in our bed, I blame DH for. The first time, he should have directed his dad up to the office and the futon instead of into our room (which is RIGHT off the living room)).
2- Gifts. DS is turning 3 soon. IL's asked DH about what to get him, and all in all the gifts themselves are fine. But on Thursday, they show up w/ ALL the gifts - none wrapped, all still in their original boxes, etc. They give them to us for US to figure out what to give DS for his b-day vs Christmas and for US to wrap.
They've been going down this path faster and faster - not wanting to think and not wanting to extend any real effort. Really - they are RETIRED. They dont' have much to do on a day to day basis, and they can't take the time to figure out what to give DS when and then WRAP the gifts themselves? It's now OUR responsibility?
It just floors me. I'm fricking BUSY. I have to find the time to wrap our own fricking gifts. Now I have to worry about theirs too? And it's just the laziness. Show a little excitement about giving DS a gift!!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Re: I have to put out my T-giving vent (IL related)
First, eww about napping IN YOUR BED. Next time say, "Gee, FIL, I've got laundry/boxes/craft supplies piled on our bed. Why don't you go rest on the couch in the office?" That's, of course, AFTER you play dumb and tell him you are concerned about his health and maybe he needs to see his Dr. because he needs a nap after visiting for only 2 hrs. As for the gifts, why perpetuate the lie? Give your kids the gifts as they are, tags and all.
Gah, that's a maddening situation. Sorry you have to put up with that shiz.
Coming out of lurking because my ideas are so brilliant I have to share.
1. Next time ILs are coming over, pile a bunch of stuff on your bed. Laundry, gift wrap stuff, etc. Then when it's "nap time," just explain that you don't have time to move anything, so he can just use the futon. Do this every time. He'll decide whether the futon nap is worth it or not, but you'll have your bed back.
2. I really don't have a brilliant idea here. I guess you can have stuff (on your bed, perhaps) ready for them to wrap it themselves when they show up. Maybe even tell them to arrive 30 minutes early to help wrap. More likely than not, though, you or your H will have to wrap them. I'd invest in gift bags you can reuse, because I'm betting it will become a pattern.
What is your DH's stance on all this? Can he maybe diplomatically have a chat with them about it? That's pretty strange that you even have to deal with either scenario.
I agree with PPs about "forcing" your FIL onto the futon next time.
The gift thing- he was just as "WTF?" about it as I was.
But the "sad" part about this- talking to his parents can often be like talking to a brick wall. If DH said anything to them, they'd likely forget about it, or change the topic, or... who knows what. We've brought up important stuff with them before and the conversation will go in a direction (or just die all together) that we're both like "Well, so much for that".
I think DH feels it's not even worth it because it will go in one ear and out the other. And honestly, I kind of feel the same. They have just gotten to this place of not wanting to think for themselves.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ohh I forgot about that issue.
What DH will do occasionally, though, is take DS down to visit at their house. He can be in and out within his time frame and all is good.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
ECB this sounds like a bummer.
Definitely pile things on the bed and shrug. Its kind of presumptuous of your FIL to want to take a nap EVERY time in your bed. Its also kind of blech. It is also monumentally rude for them to be late all the time. That is one of my pet peeves (being late). Why do others who do this feel that they can keep everyone else waiting?
The gift thing is a big WTF-- it doesn't take that long to wrap gifts (when they don't have a job or little children to run after like you do) and bring them over. Why in the world would you want to make your DIL do it? Also, isn't half the fun the surprise for everyone when they unwrap it? Weird.
I feel you on the IL issues. I think if it were me I would have a heart to heart with H. Maybe he can have a chat with them?
ECB - is he napping in your bed or laying on top of the bedspread? Either way it's icky, but much ickier if he is under your covers.
I don't understand why this doesn't bother your dh. But the fact that it bothers you should be important to him. The master bedroom should be off limits to company, IMO. But I'm particular that way.
I'm going to say yes, it matters.
I'm not a germaphobe, or really a clean-type of person at all, but even I will draw the line at someone else sleeping on or in my bed. If someone did, I'd want to clean the bedding before I sleep in the bed. Also, it would make me self-conscious if they sleep in or on the bed before it's been cleaned for them. I mean, what if there was DH drool on pillow? Or there had been some, uh, recent action in the bed. Or my hair that sheds everywhere. I'll eat food off the floor, but someone in my bed really gives me the heeby jeebies.
ECB, I'd just flat out say that he can't sleep in your bed anymore. The futon? Fine. Leaning his head back on the couch? Fine. Or they can stay home and nap in their own bed. I'd say it was OK for that one time, but you don't want to make it a habit. If necessary, just say that you then have to wash all the bedding, etc before you sleep in your own bed at night.
And for the gifts, I'd say, "You're OK with me just giving DS the toy without wrapping it, right? If you want it wrapped, would you mind doing so the next time you come over?
They're on the older side, right? I feel like this is just one of those things where older people just don't care anymore. DH's grandmother does that when she grabs onto strangers to steady herself while she's walking. She just doesn't care about acceptable behavior anymore.