Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
providing support to friend
DH and I have been friends for about 10 years with another couple, they have been married a very long time. We just found out he asked her for a divorce yesterday. We are surprised and sad. We'd like to remain friends with both and offer support for both. Any "do's/dont's" for a situation like this? tia
Re: providing support to friend
1. Don't blab on and on about hanging out with one or the other individually, if you do, but don't hide stuff from them, either.
2. Try to stay out of conversations with one about the other. No bad-talking if you hope to remain friends with both. And if they hope to keep you as friends, they will know better than to try to get you to say stuff like that.
I have a married couple (J and R) who XH and I always did double-date type stuff with. After the divorce, her H (J) still hangs out with my XH, and I think R has seen him a couple of times, and I still hang out with both of them, and with just R.
I am closer with R, she is one of my good friends, and I don't care at all that she has hung out with my XH, but I think if I found out that she had been seeing him a lot and lying to me about it, that would bother me. Kind of a violation of trust. Even if she was doing it to "spare my feelings."
So I say, continue to hang with each of them if they want to, and just be honest but tactful about it. It helps a lot if neither of them draw you into conversations about how awful the other one was, or whatever.
Don't have him be your husband's manager and her be your childcare provider. Sorry just a personal experience that ended up being very messy and had me and my husband caught in the middle. We ended up having to find a new sitter and he had to ask his manager to not discuss anything personal with him.
They are now officially divorced and both my husband and I are still friends with the wife but have nothing to do with the husband (mine has since found a new job).
I say don't place blame or make it seem like you are siding with one or the other. Do reach out to each of them individually and let them know you still value their friendship and are around if they need to talk or whatever.
Totally this.
The majority of the friends XH and I had in common were my friends that he became friends with (um...this later proves to be a red flag). There is a set of family friends that were his family friends that I got close to. When we announced the divorce, I spoke to a few of them personally and they made it clear they wanted to support both of us, and I had no issues about this and would have even understood if they had to take "his" side. They have been wonderfully supportive as friends in that they value ME as an invividual and HIM as an individual...not combined, KWIM? They don't talk about XH unless it's somehow brought up in conversation and they keep things neutral. So, my advice is value your own friendship with them and try and keep it as neutral as possible, but don't lie, etc. Be honest...but brief if they ask about the Xspouse