September 2008 Weddings
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
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My mom drives me nuts!
So I know I've talked about my mom drama a few times lately.
Now that the shower planning is done and the invitations are sent, she has decided that it's up to her to plan the baptism luncheon (which won't be until JUNE). She also informed me that she will be taking care of the 1st birthday party as well.
I don't want to hurt her feelings again, but how can I explain to her that this is OUR child and we want to plan those things ourselves? I've tried just telling her, but she won't listen.
I'm extremely frustrated.
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
Re: My mom drives me nuts!
I know I don't have kids, so I'm probably grossly unqualified to answer this but...
Can you approach it with, "I know you're very excited about the arrival of H and all the milestones that she'll be achieving as she grows, but Aron and I are excited about this too. We appreciate your love and support, but hope you understand that these are things that A and I want to plan together."
ETA: But, if the trend continues {a bonus?} you won't have to buy her a car when she turns 16 or pay for her wedding!
That sucks. I agree with Kara. I don't think there's a way around not hurting her feelings if you've already tried to say something and she ignores you.
It may have to be as blatant as, "We, as the PARENTS, will be planning the baptism and 1st birthday. I will ask for your help, but if you try to take over these events I will plan my own that everyone will come to but you because you'll be at your own party alone."
I would love to be as nice as Brit, but I know that won't work. I am much more direct anyway, and I feel like I might have to be borderline rude to make her understand.
I feel like she wants to be H's parent, not grandparent, and I have no idea how to make her see otherwise.
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
I'm just shocked that she thinks she should do the planning. I know you don't want to hurt your feelings, but as her parents, you two should get the joy of planning these things (unless you specifically say, can you please plan this for me?)
And with the drama, I'm sure the LAST thing you want is her to plan another party for you! Don't give in with the baptism, or she will assume it will be like that for all other parties!
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Ditto. I agree with Kara-be direct to the point of being rude.
If she continues to to this, she is not only going to drive a wedge between her and her granddaughter but also her daughter.
I figured kill with kindness... rather than... "b!tch step off".....
Ditto Amber, I can't believe she'd think that was her place at all.
I know a bit about your issues with your Mom and I think you just need to be direct and probably the sooner the better.
Say something like "Mom, there's no way you're planning the Baptism or her first birthday party. Aron and I will plan these events."
Do you think she's just trying to help financially since these will be expensive events and she thinks that by taking over the planning she can pay for them?
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This sounds good to me!
I just can't believe that she really thinks that she is the parent here. She even said that she'll give us a list of parenting rules that she wants us to use for H. Say what?! Shouldn't we get to decide how we parent her?
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
Definitely a possiblity. I told her (in front of my reasonable dad) that we'd rather have money for H's schooling/savings. He said that makes sense. My mom can't seem to understand the logic though.
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
Excuse me! She WHAT?! Oh my god Sarah. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like you are just going to need to sit her down and explain that no H isn't her daughter and you and A will be making the decisions for H as you see fit.
UGH!!!!!! I can't even put into words how mad I am for you right now. If this were my mom I would be tempted to guilt trip her and make her feel bad saying things like "don't you think A and I will be able to raise her on our own? Don't you think you did a good enough job with me that I will know what best to do for my child?" Ugh. (yes I know I said that already but oh my god!)
Amber - words right out of my mouth!
Amy - she's already working on that wedge with me anyway
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the phone. She said this?!? Ok, this is where I would draw the line.
Yes, YOU and A have 100% say in how you raise H. End of story.
If you need me to help you during ML, I would be more than happy to fly over there and keep you out of harms way!
You're more than welcome!! A is going to a fire convention in Indy Apr 17-21 ... I'd be happy for a visitor
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
Yeah. It's wacky. and OH MY GOD has come out of my mouth on more than one occasion. Is it any wonder my BP has been on the higher side? UGH is right!
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
Ditto Paige 100%. I might be a big jerk but if my mom were acting like this I'd not only guilt trip her, but I'd pretty much have to tell her that if she wanted to actually see her grandchild, she would need to stop. That's not a bridge anyone wants to cross, but it sounds like you are at a point where nothing else is working. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. It's completely insane.
As far as her planning the birthday and baptism parties, you should tell her that she can go ahead and plan them, but H will not be attending.
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Hold up seriously??? Um you guys will be the parents of H and there may be things that you would love to pull from your experiences of childhood but really your mom has no say other than maybe specail extra rules that apply to things in grandma's house.
My MIL used to watch Maddy nearly everyday and it drove me insane how many times she would do things that Eric and I had asked her repeatedly specifically not to do. Her worst offense however was that she called Maddy granny's baby all the time and would tell her(while she was still BM fed)that granny was gonna scoop her up and take her to Kentucky. Um unless you ask me specifically you aren't taking my child anywhere thank yoiu very much.
Sorry I got off topic there...lol I don't understand what it is about grandchildren that helps accentuate or even bring out the crazy in some people
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