Hmmmm

QuirkyIntellect · November 2011

Just need to get this down and out there and some thoughts/feedback would be nice. So as H and I were decorating and getting in the holiday spirit today, he turns to me and says, "So when we have kids, what holiday traditions do you want to have with them?" 0_0

Well, the last time we had this conversation, we had agreed we both didn't want kids, for a very very long time, if ever. We also have been talking about me going off bcp and using the FAM-TTA. I don't know what to think...

larzhope · November 2011

wow. My first question would be: was that a deliberate use of "when" or did he mean to say "if"?

Temp222512500003295 · November 2011

Wow, that's certainly something that you need to discuss. We're in the no kids camp and that sort of comment would be pretty shocking.

sarack · November 2011

I assumed you guys wanted kids because you were talking about going off bcp. If you guys talked about not wanting kids, that would be weird. Maybe he meant whenn like in the distant distant future. That is a convo I'd wanna have again.

uwhuskygirl · November 2011

larzhope:
wow. My first question would be: was that a deliberate use of "when" or did he mean to say "if"?

This, but I will add that even though H and I are firmly in the no kids camp, we play the what if game a lot with children we see in public. Like "what would you do if your kid were throwing a tantrum like that kid over there" could it have been something like that?

sarack · November 2011

uwhuskygirl:

larzhope:
wow. My first question would be: was that a deliberate use of "when" or did he mean to say "if"?

This, but I will add that even though H and I are firmly in the no kids camp, we play the what if game a lot with children we see in public. Like "what would you do if your kid were throwing a tantrum like that kid over there" could it have been something like that?

i'm kinda surprised that you play this game uw.

amandasw · November 2011

Unless you were like UW and had agreed absolutely to never have kids, it doesn't sound that weird to me

uwhuskygirl · November 2011

sarack:
uwhuskygirl:

larzhope:
wow. My first question would be: was that a deliberate use of "when" or did he mean to say "if"?

This, but I will add that even though H and I are firmly in the no kids camp, we play the what if game a lot with children we see in public. Like "what would you do if your kid were throwing a tantrum like that kid over there" could it have been something like that?

i'm kinda surprised that you play this game uw.

It always ends up in us realizing that neither of us have patience for a child.

QuirkyIntellect · November 2011

Let's put it this way... after the few initial conversations of "Do you want to have kids?" "No." "Okay, me either" we check in about once a year and it always goes the same way. We don't play the "what if" game or even talk about kids otherwise. It was completely out of left field. I was literally speechless, then he changed the subject.

QuirkyIntellect · November 2011

sarack:
I assumed you guys wanted kids because you were talking about going off bcp. If you guys talked about not wanting kids, that would be weird. Maybe he meant whenn like in the distant distant future. That is a convo I'd wanna have again.

I want to go off bcp because it has wrecked havoc with my body and I hate the side effects, especially the whole not being interested in sex business.

CDMay2006 · November 2011

QuirkyIntellect:
Let's put it this way... after the few initial conversations of "Do you want to have kids?" "No." "Okay, me either" we check in about once a year and it always goes the same way. We don't play the "what if" game or even talk about kids otherwise. It was completely out of left field. I was literally speechless, then he changed the subject.

Maybe a more formal/in-depth discussion is in order, like what degree of confidence each of you has in the kidless arrangement or if there are any circumstances that would change one/both or your minds.

amandasw · November 2011

CDMay2006:
QuirkyIntellect:
Let's put it this way... after the few initial conversations of "Do you want to have kids?" "No." "Okay, me either" we check in about once a year and it always goes the same way. We don't play the "what if" game or even talk about kids otherwise. It was completely out of left field. I was literally speechless, then he changed the subject.
Maybe a more formal/in-depth discussion is in order, like what degree of confidence each of you has in the kidless arrangement or if there are any circumstances that would change one/both or your minds.

ditto. And like I said, even though you thought it was obvious maybe he didn't necessarily think it would stay that way forever. H and I could have the exact same conversation you guys had, but a more in depth discussion would reveal that both of us think we might want to in the future, we just can't imagine having kids now. I have ZERO inclination to get pg and don't know when I'll want to (which would be interpreted as "maybe never") but I also know that I can't imagine not having kids and hope some day I'll suddenly 'feel like it'.

QuirkyIntellect · November 2011

Thanks for the feedback, ladies. I'll be talking to H about it tonight. I don't know how I feel about it now. I've been in the "never want kids" camp for as long as I can remember, but now that he might want them, the idea of having a family with him is kind of appealing. But, I'm not a big fan of kids or all the work that would go into raising them. Ugh... I'm so jumbled up right now.

amandasw · November 2011

QuirkyIntellect:
Thanks for the feedback, ladies. I'll be talking to H about it tonight. I don't know how I feel about it now. I've been in the "never want kids" camp for as long as I can remember, but now that he might want them, the idea of having a family with him is kind of appealing. But, I'm not a big fan of kids or all the work that would go into raising them. Ugh... I'm so jumbled up right now.

good luck I feel pretty similar and honestly I think this "now that he might want them, the idea of having a family with him is kind of appealing" can overcome this "But, I'm not a big fan of kids or all the work that would go into raising them" - I also think there are special super mom things that only kick in once you have the kid and you'll know how to do everything and love it

uwhuskygirl · November 2011

QuirkyIntellect:
Thanks for the feedback, ladies. I'll be talking to H about it tonight. I don't know how I feel about it now. I've been in the "never want kids" camp for as long as I can remember, but now that he might want them, the idea of having a family with him is kind of appealing. But, I'm not a big fan of kids or all the work that would go into raising them. Ugh... I'm so jumbled up right now.

you might want to rewad the book two is enough a couples guide to living childless by choice. even if you decide that you want kids, it brings up a lot of interesting points for discussion. the author even interviews one couple who was in the no kids camp and ended up changing their minds. their story was pretty interesting.

QuirkyIntellect · November 2011

amandasw:
QuirkyIntellect:
Thanks for the feedback, ladies. I'll be talking to H about it tonight. I don't know how I feel about it now. I've been in the "never want kids" camp for as long as I can remember, but now that he might want them, the idea of having a family with him is kind of appealing. But, I'm not a big fan of kids or all the work that would go into raising them. Ugh... I'm so jumbled up right now.
good luck I feel pretty similar and honestly I think this "now that he might want them, the idea of having a family with him is kind of appealing" can overcome this "But, I'm not a big fan of kids or all the work that would go into raising them" - I also think there are special super mom things that only kick in once you have the kid and you'll know how to do everything and love it

This is what I keep being told by my mom and several of my friends who found themselves being moms before they meant to. It's something to consider.

QuirkyIntellect · November 2011

uwhuskygirl:
QuirkyIntellect:
Thanks for the feedback, ladies. I'll be talking to H about it tonight. I don't know how I feel about it now. I've been in the "never want kids" camp for as long as I can remember, but now that he might want them, the idea of having a family with him is kind of appealing. But, I'm not a big fan of kids or all the work that would go into raising them. Ugh... I'm so jumbled up right now.

you might want to rewad the book two is enough a couples guide to living childless by choice. even if you decide that you want kids, it brings up a lot of interesting points for discussion. the author even interviews one couple who was in the no kids camp and ended up changing their minds. their story was pretty interesting.

I'll be sure to read it... I'll probably get H to read it too. Sounds interesting.

Hmmmm

Re: Hmmmm

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