Seattle Nesties
uwhuskygirl
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Discussion/WWYD: birth control
My cousin is 19 and she's been dating the same guy for 2-3 years. They go to school in different states, but they've been doing the long distance thing for over a year now. He comes down to see her every few months.
Her parents won't really acknowledge that they're dating, so it's my guess that her mom has not talked to her about bc. I'm not sure if my cousin and her BF are sleeping together.
My cousin and I have gotten closer as we have gotten older, but we aren't super close. Recently, she has confided some (minor) things in me though.
She's really smart and I just want to make sure that she won't have any accidents. Is it completely out of line for me to ask her if she wants/needs me to take her to get bc?
How did you get on bc?
Re: Discussion/WWYD: birth control
I would totally ask her. I had the same convo with my cousin who told me she was being safe and wanted to get on BCP but never made time to go with me to planned parenthood. She got knocked up and had a baby at 19...
I had the worst cramps ever when i started my period. My dad never talked to me about that kind of stuff but a friend told me that she was on BCP to help her cramps and acne.. we learned about pp in 8th grade at school so I knew my options. When i was 16 I went to planned parenthood and got bcp without my dad knowing. I didn't want him to think that I was sexually active, I wasn't at the time. But soon after I started taking it, within a year, I had sex for the first time.
well, if you think she looks up to you and would want that kind of advice/help from you, then I don't see a problem with it. I also think there is a lot of info out there about BC and if she has regular Dr visits it would be easy for her to talk to her Dr about it. If she was a lot younger I would be more concerned.
I started BC when I was about 19 because my periods were so painful and I told my Dr about it, so not very exciting
Planning Bio
Married Bio
Do you think it's weird for me to ask her?
I'm trying to remember what it was like to be 19 and have people trying to ask you the uncomfortable stuff...
I don't think so. You could try to casually bring up your experiences with bc, and if she has had any similar experiences. That would tell you if 1) she's on bc, and 2) she knows basic reproductive info.
I started having sex my freshman year at UW, as did a few other girls in my pledge class, and we all decided to go to Planned Parenthood since most of us did not have insurance of any kind back then. And we all got on bc that day.... it was a special college memory
Photo courtesy of jennygg.com
My never updated Planning/Married Bio: http://mgoss228.weebly.com/
Seattle Knotties: Please page me if you send me a PM!
I feel like it would have to come up in a conversation when you are hanging out and already talking about girly things. You don't know if they are sleeping together and maybe they aren't (since she maybe grew up more conservative), so I think you'd just have to feel it out as you went.
ETA: misread the OP about the mom - are the parents against dating/conservative etc.? or do they just not like him? what makes you think she wouldn't discuss BC?
Planning Bio
Married Bio
That's where I struggle because we aren't close, so I don't know how she would feel about me giving her this unsolicitied advice/help, but I don't want her to feel like she has to figure this stuff out alone.
I didn't have anyone else to ask when I started bc and it was so confusing and overwhelming, so I was going to throw it out there, but I definitely don't want to over step my boundaries...
in this case, I think it would have to naturally evolve out of a conversation about sex. you know when you get in girl-talk mode and discuss all that - see if she confides in you about their relationship etc. then I think you could bring it up.
Planning Bio
Married Bio
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
see if she confides in you about their relationship etc. then I think you could bring it up.
Or..."confide" in her a little bit about your own struggles with bad PMS, BC choices as a way to open up the conversation in that direction. Then you could always just casually mention that there are so many choices and info out there that it can get confusing and overwhelming and just casually say, "If you ever want to run some questions by someone, I'm always here with some 'been there' advice."
ditto - you can initiate the conversation and steer it in that direction, I just think she should open up about it before you start telling her all this stuff about BC/PP/etc. If she shuts down the conversation about fun girly stuff, she may not want to have a serious talk with you.
Planning Bio
Married Bio
If she's a smart girl, she can figure it out herself.
Honestly.
I'm 22 and at 19 I was fully aware of BC (although I wasn't on it at the time) and how it worked, how to get it, etc. Schools talk about this, friends talk about this, heck BOYS talk about this. It's not a taboo subject among teenagers anymore, and she is legally adult.
If you are close enough to talk about that without coming off "mom" like, sure why not... But if that's your fear, I would leave it be.
I was having weird bleeding, so i told my mom i needed to see the dr ( i hadn't had a gynecological exam prior to that). He prescribed bc pills. They solved the bleeding problem, and it was during the same time frame that i started having sex, so they solved that, too. My parents never talked to me about bc.
You could also make sure she knows about any relevant campus services and how to access them.
Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
I'm still trying to decide. I'm going to call my other cousin (who's 27 and like my little sister) and ask her advice too.
If I do talk to the 19 year old, I'm going to do it in person when she comes home for Christmas.
Well, I feel super old right now.
I just got off the phone with my other cousin who confirmed that the 19yo is on bc. And, apparently, is a gold digger.
Bwhahahaha. I was so naive.
HAHA
this is a great ending to the story :P
Planning Bio
Married Bio
aaand that's why I said not to bother. Lol. I'm 22 and naive, but my generation is ridiculously aware. Thanks reality tv.