Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
looks like the honeymoon is over......
I dont know exactly where to start with this but here goes: After my hubby and I got back from honeymoon, I took a good look at him and thought "i just made the biggest mistake of my life"....I seriously feel like I just pulled a Kim Kardashian
He did nothing wrong; Nothing has changed; I dont know why I began thinking it and it makes me sick to my stomach. He cares for me, he loves me; I can only hope i love him just as much but i feel like I dont.
Does anyone else feel this way after they got married?
Re: looks like the honeymoon is over......
Yes, I TOTALLY felt this way. Let me tell you what I did. First off, I didn't panic. Panic is the WORST thing you can do. Don't do that. Each day, take your husband's nicest pair of shoes, and write a note in it. The note should say, "Dear H's Shoes. Good morning! How are you? Do you like going on my H's feet? Do you think the steer who gave his leather to make these shoes liked the feel of the warm sun on his eyelashes? I dunno WHO CARES? I don't know anything about how the world works so it hardly matters, poor dead steer."
Then, take your husband's nicest sport coat or suit jacket. Take it and slip a note in the pocket that says, "Dear H's clothing, Good afternoon! I am a total_fucking_retard who hasn't planned out her life in a sensible manner! I don't take responsibility for myself. I expect others to make me happy and keep me warm and dry. I have no sense of shame."
When you're all done with that, go out into your front yard -- yes, your yard! -- go out there, and find the coldest, wettest place you cand find. Make sure it is very late at night, and you are very tired from working to support yourself and need to recuperate to work to support yourself for the next day.
Lie down in that cold, damp place and say to yourself, "Dear Lordie, I feel so good after a long hard day of working hard to support others who depend on me, to lie down in this cold, dank place. The more I lie here and don't do anything, the better off everyone else is." Please report back.
Its reasonable to feel such a way when you rush into something. How long were you two dating before getting married? Did you live together for a while? A little backstory is needed here.
You may have rushed the marriage, and this is where your fear is coming from. However I suggest you don't act on it. Take the time slowly, to get to know your new life, you may find that its your fear that was controlling your thoughts, and you shouldn't let fear dictate your future - ever.
If you have other more serious "issues" in your relationship then that is a different answer altogether. Like I said, we need a little bit more information.
To answer your question, no, I never felt like that after we got married.
Ditto - all of it.
Oh dear. No, I did not feel this way. I'm sorry you do. Is there any reason for your feelings?
The others have asked really good questions - if you answer those you'll probably be able to get some good advice here.
I did with my exH - I just knew in my heart of hearts I was doing the wrong thing, but that was after living together over 9 years, having a child together, and I was going to leave. He begged me to stay, he could and would change, and then he convinced me to marry him.
We divorced 2 1/2 years later.
I think you are just scared at the prospect of marriage itself. Seek out some counseling to sort out your feelings.
Worst advice ever. Marriage =/= living together. If you have a bad feeling caused by nothing, you need to get to the bottom of it, OP. And Aero, you had a bad feeling because you're rushing an immature relationship and don't want to acknowledge what's going on.
It is a shame you have not come back to expand more on your situation as people can only give you pretty limited advice as a result. That being said, it does sound like either this relationship, or marriage, were not what you really wanted after all. Perhaps the relationship is lacking something, or perhaps marriage is just not for you and you were happy being in the relationship and not married, or perhaps you were looking to marriage to resolve other things internal to yourself which obviously cannot work.
Who knows, but I do think that you do need to take time time to get to the root of it. I do recommend you find a therapist to work through what is going on to address the source. If you cannot be engaged fully in this marriage though, you do need to end it, as that definitely would not be fair to you or your husband, nor would it be authentic.