Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
religion - do you ever mislead?
i've noticed more and more lately that i've become part of a (mostly one-way) conversation about God and religion. often including Biblical references and Him this and Him that. i'm not terribly religious (very spiritual, but not religious), but it seems like nodding and not indicating that i don't necessarily agree (implicitly agreeing) is easier (safer?) than objecting.
kind of like politics, you aren't often going to change a person's mind (not my intent anyway) and people can be very passionate about their religion.
example: this afternoon, i had a conversation with a potential client. i mentioned that my service is not religious (she asked), but some have said it was a spiritual journey. she goes off on a tangent, quoting the Bible and making references to things i know nothing about (i admit, i'm not religious, couldn't tell you a passage from the new vs old testaments - don't even really know what they are). so i listen, because that's what was expected and appropriate. and she said "you are listening so intently, i can see what i'm saying (she was preaching) is affecting you." uh-huh.
how do you handle such situations? i feel like i'm being dishonest with those i engage with as well as with myself for what i'm nodding to is in disagreement with my own beliefs.
Re: religion - do you ever mislead?
the only person who ever drones on about religion to me is my grandpa and with him I just smile and nod and act like I agree. He's 93 and if I told him that I'm basically an atheist he'd probably have a heart attack.
in the situation you presented with a potential client, I don't really know what I'd do...I guess it would depend on how badly I wanted the business, lol. if it was a co-worker or a friend, I'd probably just say "look, I respect your religion/political views, but mine differ from yours and I don't really feel the need to discuss them."
I work at a church and I have no idea, but I do the same thing you did all the time, mostly because I don't want to offend these little old church ladies.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
I've definitely been in your shoes considering I was raised in Jerry Falwell's church, my dad was a pastor and professor at Liberty University, my step-dad is a pastor, my step-brother is a pastor, both of my uncles are pastors, and my whole mother's side of the family (including my 9 cousins) are also very religious. I can't get away from it. I'm more of a spiritual person but I definitely don't share their beliefs.
For me, it depends on the conversation and who it's with. In some cases, I just do what you did but in other's I'll say something like "Well, I'm glad that your religion brings you comfort" or "It sounds like you are really knowledgable about the Bible"...something that sort of indicates that I'm not necessarily in agreement. But if I feel that they are trying to "save" me and that it could go on and on, I just try to nip it in the bud by changing the topic or just flat out saying that my beliefs are different and that I don't want to get into a lengthy discussion.
all interesting thoughts, thanks for sharing!
i guess i feel an expectation (obligation?) to believe in a more mainstream, organized religion (my parents do, my grandfather was a fairly well known Baptist minister for 60 years). but i don't. and it's uncomfortable territory when it comes up in discussion. the only person i've really ever shared my beliefs with is DH.
and since i don't have a mainstream belief system, i'm afraid i'll have to defend against those who feel it's the Christian duty to save my soul. i suppose i can't say that with any certainty, since i've never put myself out there like that. i wonder how some of the lines you've suggested would work for me!
I am Jewish by culture but atheist and I have no problems letting people know that I am not interested in being preached to. At my work, we don't discuss religion so this wouldn't come up. Pretty much everyone who knows me knows that I am an atheist, I am very open about it.
I pretty much do the same thing as you - polite silence - if someone is talking about their beliefs and not actively trying to convert me or anything. When there's a break in the conversation, I try to change the subject.
If if I feel someone is trying to "convert" me to their religion, I tell them I have my own beliefs, which I'm happy/content with, and then change the subject.
I'm sure it's more complicated if you're talking to a potential client, because you don't want to offend them!
Polite silence is how I handle it. I am a nonbeliever, and respect other beliefs but don't want to be converted!