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update
I updated yesterday about H possibly having mental issues and me not filing. I guess I was still expecting him to do it - but if it keeps going on like this - I may just have to do it.
BTW - my lawyer suggested we do the disolution just because after looking at our finances - he told me we both be left with zero because a divorce would cost us so much more. Either way a divorce or a disolution - we have to divide it down the middle. I don't have rights to the house but I do have rights to the change in equity in the house in the last 5-years - which I believe is $12,000. The lawyer even said I had rights to alimony (sp?).
I guess I'm focusing too much on what little good there is rather than making the bad have equal focus. It's like this - I'll have one good day in a week and rather give any thought to those 6 bad days - I concentrate on that one good day and keep second guessing myself. *sigh*
I know I'll have a clear head once I can move back home around my family. Living here just seems to make me crazy. I literally have no one. I've thought about commuting from home because it's just over an hour - but I work 3rd shift and I'm afraid that would be too risky. Just got to find a job back home and it'll be okay. I'm actually getting excited about moving - it'll be nice to be in a more comforting environment.
Somebody asked about our living arrangement in my previous post from yesterday. It's fairly normal I guess you could say. But - if you were a fly on the wall - you probably wouldn't believe it if I told you we were splitting up just because we do talk about things, like our day, what so and so posted on facebook, etc. just day to day stuff I guess. We're not yelling at each other or anything - just co-existing I guess.
Re: update
I'm sorry that wasn't an update it was an extension of the other post.
So many of us told you to stop waiting around for him and wasting your life away until he gives you permission to leave. Obviously it fell on deaf ears and you will continue to be the obedient wife and stay until he dismisses you.
I know I'll have a clear head once I can move back home around my family. Living here just seems to make me crazy.
YOU CAN MOVE back home NOW. I wish I could reach through the screen and shake you.
I'm actually trying to find a job near home first before I move. I've been looking for something with health insurance - but so far I haven't been having any luck. That's the only thing that's keeping me from moving home.
I don't want to move back and then have no money at all.
Is your family able to help you financially?
For what it's worth, I'm rooting for you.
I get that when things aren't scary horrible on the day-to-day level, it is hard to break out. I know you're getting grief but I think that spelling all of this out here is going to help you really see how bad it has gotten.
Answer to a previous poster - my family can help, but not that much. I'm still going to need a job, health insurance. I really don't want to make a stupid mistake like quit my present job with no income coming in. H will not win that fight. It was actually my sister that said I better make sure I have a job before I move back home. Originally I was just going to quit my job and move on back, but after my sister started talking I realized what a mistake that would be.
I realize I'm making alot of excuses. I don't mean to - I'm sure if I read this months from now - I'm going to want to reach thru the computer screen and shake myself too. I guess right now it's on my mind - once I jump ship there is no turning back and I know I'll be alright, but I'm still scared to death. BUT - Once I get the job back home - I am doing it though - moving. I'm basically living out of a suit case now. So moving isn't going to be too hard. Alot of my clothes are already back home. I've got a place to live - just need the job, then I'm making the jump.
Look, I know this is not ideal, but you can commute to your current job until you find a new one closer. A one-hour commute each way is no fun, but it gets you out of this situation faster.
I didn't respond in the other thread, but my 2 cents are that your husband has to want to get help and to work on his health and mental health. I absolutely think all of the events you listed have contributed to the place he's in now, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with him. You need to take care of yourself first.
:::sigh:::
Tao- I understand that you are scared of making big changes in your life. I can see why that would be frightening, but the first goal of your new life is to GET OUT of the relationship/living situation that you are in.
The rest will fall into place. You don't have to quit your present job (eliminates that excuse). That means you will keep your income and your insurance. It also means that your gas money will go up and your commute will go up. You can live with your parents for a bit while you work the other stuff out.
Honestly, I am not usually a harsh poster, but I think you need to hear it. GET OUT FIRST and then worry about the rest. Your husband is creating an unhealthy environment for you & you won't start the healing until you are removed from that environment. There are no If, ands or but's about it.
If you want to file then go ahead and do it. Shyt or get off the toilet.
Alright - I'm hearing it and I am getting out. I'm going to make more of a move this weekend. I'll chat more later about it. I've been dragging my feet and I see it now more than ever.
Regarding the job - I want a different one anyway - but I can't make that the excuse not to leave this environment. I can still find one living back home and not quitting this one. It was just easier living 15min where I work. Not looking forward to that drive, but looking forward to getting on with my life.