Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Did you/do you have a legal separation agreement?
How long did it take you to get it written up and finalized? How involved were your lawyers? Did anyone use a mediator? If my h drags his feet, is there anything I can do about it?
I'm just getting started on this roller coaster.
The day I left was just my beginning.
Re: Did you/do you have a legal separation agreement?
If you have any other questions, I can certainly try my best to help. Good luck.
We didnt have a separation agreement because while we were still married a he was living in the house, he had to be responsible for the bills and payments. Under law he couldn't remove me from the health insurance so that was fine.
As soon as he realized I meant business we drew up a property settlement agreement PSA and that became the basis of settling issues. It stated that he would pay for things like my car and insurance until the divorce, I pay for it after. I wasn't working and so it's not like we had to negotiate who paid what during our separation. He stayed in the house so he paid for rent and utilities, etc.
How long did it take you to get it written up and finalized?
Just a few days. We wrote it up at the kitchen table together, using a website tool (virginiadivorceonline.com or something...)
How involved were your lawyers? No lawyers
Did anyone use a mediator? No
I can offer up my divorce lawyer
Second, I did not have a legal agreement. I kicked him out, at that point he technically lost some legal rights to what he left behind. I was nice enough to let him come back a couple times with his moving truck. When he "left" it was technically voluntary b/c I gave him $50 to leave.
My lawyer was as involved as I needed him to be. He refused to sign off the lease, so I had to get my lawyer involved. At one point, I thought he'd have to fill out interrogatories (pretty much to scare him into stop dragging his feet).
I did not use a mediator at all. It won't work if one party is being a PITA.
In MD you need to be living apart and not having sex for 1 year. Then you can file for divorce. That said, you should still do a consultation with one to know your rights. If there are no issues during that one year, the lawyer is just on stand by for when you can file. If there are isues in between, the lawyer can still put something on file with the court (especially if you think he will contest the separation date). I had to do that, but it worked out well for me. The only way you can file before 1 year is if you can prove abuse or infidelity. Abuse was part of my marriage, but I could not prove it (no medical records, etc....just my mom saying she saw bruises).
This is a roller coaster, but it will be ok, I promise you.
But if you have more MD questions, I can do my best to answer.
ETA: A contested divorce in MD can take 2 years before you can file. If you think at all that he is dragging his feet or will pull shanigans, get a lawyer ASAP. I also didn't own property with him, so I don't know if an agreement would be needed. I can tell you tha if you bought the house after you married, it is split 50/50 or you owe 50/50. Anything you brought INTO the marriage is yours free and clear.
We didnt have a separation. He moved out and refused to get help with his adiction. He didnt want a divorce, just wanted me to keep paying his bills and to go on his marry way. I filed a month later, and 5 months later we are still in the divorce process because he refuses to come to the table. He attorney cant even get him to call her back, and he doesnt care if he is in contepmt of court.
we had no lawyers, i wrote our separation agreement, i used an on-line template and then we went and had it notarized, i filed it with the divorce complaint. it took about a week because of his schedule. I had it easy, he wasn't going to drag his feet and we agreed on everything.
I'd start one, and then try to file it, maybe that will compel him to not drag his feet and if a court date is assigned to go over it, he'd probably have to show up or risk it going into effect because he didn't...but check with your lawyer first.