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In-Law reaction is confusing and hurtful.
This is a very exciting time in my DH and my life. We just found out we are expecting our first child. We have been married for 3 1/2 years and felt like the time was right. My parents are extremely excited, and we expected the same reaction from my DH's parents.
For the past couple of years that we have been married DH's parents would give us children's books and other not so subtle hints that they wanted Grandchildren. We decided to announce over Thanksgiving about the baby to them. DH's mother was excited, but his father just looked worried.
We have three dogs. Our dogs are very well behaved and most of the time are just lazy and lay around. Two of our dogs are Pitbulls, and one is a Weimeriner. DH's father is starting to voice his opinion about our dogs being around a baby, but he will say things like "I just heard on the news how 4 dogs are being put down because they attacked some runners."
I know my hormones are getting to me, but I can not listen to this anymore. We have a large fenced in yard that the dogs can play in and will keep them seperated from the baby if we need to. I will never just leave my child and the dogs together unsupervised. I know things can happen.
Any advice would be helpful; I just wish he was not so negative...
Re: In-Law reaction is confusing and hurtful.
He's saying this because he's concerned for the well-being of your baby. I get that you are emotional right now and you wish he'd just be nothing but happy and excited for you, but it doesn't sound like he's being hurtful or disinterested in your pregnancy. Don't take it so personally.
Your husband needs to say to him, "Thanks for your concern, Dad, but we're responsible pet owners and we will be responsible parents as well." Then change the subject. If FIL keeps bringing it up, just keep saying, "Thanks for your concern" and don't discuss it any further.
Ignore his comments. Or nonchalantly say "wow, how tragic. I'm so glad our dogs are so well-behaved and friendly!" and then change the subject.
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I don't think you can change people's ideas about pitbulls. People do think they are dangerous, and people do worry being around them. While it is really none of their business, he is probably just genuinely concerned about his future grandchild being around what he considers to be vicious animals.
That being said, I have a pitbull. He is the absolute sweetest dog I have ever owned. I'd have no problems with my dog being around my child, so I understand where you're coming from.
If you can, I'd just let it go. Nothing you can say will change his mind about the dogs... but in time, it'll be proven that kids/pitbulls can co-exist just fine.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
I'm not pregnant - so no hormones here. But I would down right p!ssed if my dad (or FIL) decided to take it upon themselves to drop hints that my two dogs could not be or should not be around a child. I would take him down a notch and tell him that you are not worried about dogs and the child at all - but thanks for voicing your opinion
On that note - make sure they aren't trying to parent your child too.... Wow.
Thank you all! I was feeling like it was something my husband should discuss with his dad. I am glad it is not just me. I guess when you have a pet and a child you become protective over both. I just hope this isn't going to become a pattern for the future that is why I want it taken care of now.
"Ignore his comments. Or nonchalantly say "wow, how tragic. I'm so glad our dogs are so well-behaved and friendly!" and then change the subject."
THIS EXACTLY.
And btw CONGRATS!!!!! what an exciting time!
Agreed. He's excited and concerned about your baby. Even seemingly great dogs can be a problem with newborns, his fears are not irrational whether you're hormonal or not.
I lived this with my MIL, vis a vis my ancient himalayans. She was convinced they'd smother DS or "suck his breath". Even my BIL, an er doc, said he'd never seen a dead baby whose breath had been cat-sucked and she poo-pooed it.
It got to the point where we laughed. It was so ridiculous. It didn't make her happy, but it kept us sane. Cats were great with DS; he outlived both grandma and the kittehs. Those no one ever loved him as unconditionally as she did.
I'm sympathetic to the advice that says you don't have to talk to him about it - you don't - but I'd go a different route. Your FIL is going to be an important part of your child's life, and he (and the other grandparents) have experience you could benefit from. In this case, it's not so helpful, but I think you want to set up a relationship in which they feel like they can bring real concerns to you and have you consider them. This could be important later. What if they notice something about your child that you don't? Parents can't catch everything, and you don't want them to feel like you're going to shut them down if they have something important to say. Please note, though, I say this because it sounds like your FIL is truly worried about the baby and trying to be sensitive, not like he's undermining your parenting. If it turns into the latter, don't talk about stuff like this with them anymore.
Have you talked to your vet about the baby? They may have some good advice about how to help the dogs adjust. In any case, your FIL might stop if you showed him you had given the matter some thought, even if you came to a different conclusion than he would. And sometimes people are more likely to trust information that comes from an expert. I'd probably say something like, "Those stories about dog attacks scared us, too! So we talked to the vet, and s/he gave us some really good advice. Did you know dogs adjust a lot better if you do XYZ?" Then you can distract him by talking about why that is. If you're lucky, he'll leave feeling both reassured and better-informed, and you won't have to talk about it anymore.
I should have stated this in my original post, but my husband is a Vetinary Tech at an Animal Hospital. He choose each of our pets, and this is why I think it feels even more undermining. I understand FIL concern somewhat, but I would never leave any of my pets alone with my child. We also have two cats and when we adopted our dogs we supervised them with the cats as well to make sure there would not be bloodshed...
Well huh. That is weird. Does he show other signs of not trusting the two of you? I'd wonder particularly about his relationship with your husband. Are they having trouble making the transition to parent-adult child interactions? That can be rough for a lot of people, although unlike most other problems, a baby does occasionally make this one better.