So you all know about our TTC journey and troubles. But I haven't gotten to the point yet where other people's pregnancies made me upset or jealous....until now.
My mom just told me that my cousin is pregnant and due in June. And I had a minor break down at work. A little history with my cousin....she is the golden child of my family, she can do no wrong in my grandparents eyes (even though she's not the angel they think she is) and has always been the favorite. She is pretty, popular, athletic and has a successful job in NYC. So I already have some deep seated issues with her of my own. And knowing she is having a baby before me just crushed me. And now at Christmas I will have to listen to and see my family fuss over her and gush about it...God give me the strength!
I just need a hug ![]()
Re: Need some hugs
Lots and Lots and Lots of hugs to you!
You are an amazing girl, and I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. All the happiness in the world is just around the corner, I can feel it.
xo.
Lindsay,
I'll be thinking of you & sending you lots of good thoughts & prayers. I haven't had jealously rear her ugly head yet but I fear that it will happen. We're here for you if/when you need to vent. Just keep smiling & know that your time will come and it will have been worth the wait.
::HUGS::
My sister in law found out she was pregnant one month after DH and I were married and in all that time I have yet to be pregnant. There are days when it's difficult to venture to her Facebook page because, while I love my niece more than anything, I just can't face the blatant reminder that she has what I have been praying for for over a year now.
This is hard...really really hard...harder (I think) than most things that happen when you're trying to conceive. A lot of people don't understand how you can say, "I'm happy for her but sad for me" all in the same sentence...I understand. And I'm here if you need me. I wish I could say it gets easier but it really doesn't...you just learn how to separate yourself from certain things so you can cope better. As I would watch all the hands swarm to my SIL's belly I would have to excuse myself so I could gain my composure...no one truly understands until they're facing the monthly reality that they're not getting pregnant and they're not getting any younger. I am so here if you need me.
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Oh Lindsay, lots of hugs coming your way.
That really stinks that your grandparents treat one grandchild extra special. Be we all know (and I guarantee your family knows) that you are a very sweet, nice, wonderful and amazing girl and we April girls and your family will all fuss and gush all over you once you get pregnant, which will absolutely happen soon. I know that it will be hard to watch at Christmas, but you are a strong person. If you need to, leave the room for a while, and we are always here to listen.
Sending more (((Hugs))) your way!
HUGE HUGE HUGS!!!!!
You are not alone on this very difficult journey. I know it feels like you are at times, but we are all here to support you 100% and be by your side. I absolutely know the feelings of jealousy that you have. I was there. Earlier this year, my cousin, who has had a lot of things handed to her in life, announced she was pregnant. I was *raging* with jealousy...How could she be pregnant, she's not even married yet. Why her and not me? She's too young to be a mom yet. We've been trying for over a year, when is it my turn?....those were some of the thoughts that went through my head.
As a matter of fact, I was so jealous and bitter about it that I didn't even go to her shower. I want to be happy for her, but it's hard.
I wish there was a way to make this easier, but anyone who has been there knows there isn't. All we can do is offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on and all the hugs you may need. Please know that you are not alone, we are here with you.
Jeni, what you said is so, so true....and so exactly what I'm feeling. I'm still reeling from the news and honestly, I don't even feel happy for her right now...which makes me feel like a bad person. I know I'll get there eventually. I feel like it's hitting me harder b/c it's her....and I already have weird feeling towards her b/c of the family dynamic. It's strange b/c my other cousin and his wife are expecting (any day now!) and I am sooo happy for them...but they also struggled for 3 years to get pregnant and she's been my sounding board through all of this. I said to myself that they will give my grandparents their 1st great grandchild, but I'll give them their 2nd....and that's not going to happen.
Anyways...I'm rambling. Thank you all so very much for your support. DH doesn't quite "get" it and I can't really talk to my IRL friends about it. Love all of you girls!
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I'm so sorry sweetie, sending big hugs. Believe me, I know how you feel. One of the worst parts of IF is how hard it is to deal with pregnancy announcements... and then I would always feel guilty for not being happier for the person.
I remember being out to dinner with one of our close friends, and by halfway through it became very obvious to me that she was pregnant and not ready to share the news yet (I was right, she has a little boy now). I barely said a word through the rest of dinner and then came home and cried my eyes out. And this is a friend who took over a year to get a sticky pregnancy, including a late first trimester miscarriage, so I should have been ecstatic for her. Every time I heard about a pregnancy it was a reminder of what I didn't have. You can't help how you feel, and you can't know how that feels unless you're going through it.
All I can tell is that, for me, once I got past the initial shock I really did get excited about having a new baby in my life, even if it wasn't my own. So hopefully it will get better for you. And it will be your time very soon!
I'm so sorry. :-( Nothing more hurtful than having salt poured in your wounds, I know. Especially in these types of situations with certain people. Here's your big hugs and a kiss on the cheek. :-)
Hang in there hunny! Try to bear it as best as you can while you're cousin is having her moment and remember YOUR TIME WILL COME!!!!
Good luck vibes heading your way on all counts! xoxoxoxxo
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I'm really sorry you are feeling that way
I remember when it felt like everyone was getting engaged and we weren't yet and I was like literally filled with rage every single time someone would announce an engagement - and that's something that is hardly comparable to the struggles of not getting pregnant I'm sure.
I know it's cliche, but I am so positive that everything happens for a reason. And when the time is right, you will love your baby all the much more for your hardships!
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This is exactly how I felt before we started TTC. I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers your way that you have the strength to get through the family get togethers and that your TTC journey is near an end!
((hugs))
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