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Custody and filing question
Hello all. I have two things of "importance" today - one simply to share, and the other as a question.
First off, I spoke with H last night about where we are and where we're headed and I suggested we try counseling again. He said he would think about it. I said ok, that is all I ask, and I appreciate it. I told him I felt as though I was getting mixed signals from him and I was becoming confused because of it. He told me that he is also confused (that even though he has stated it's over and he wants a divorce, he still doesn't feel confident in making that decision. That even though he says he doesn't love me, he does love me. etc.). He texted me this morning that he'll go to counseling and could I set something up for this weekend. I found a counselor for us that appears to be a good fit and we go to see him on Friday of next week.
My question, though, is if divorce is what we decide, will it make a difference on who files first as far as custody goes? My dad and sister seem to think that if H files first that I will have a hard time "disproving" the custody arrangement he proposes in that filing.
Re: Custody and filing question
I am not a lawyer. But I can tell you that when I moved out I immediately filled for temporary custody. This gave me the upper hand. At that point my ex could not see my son until we had a written agreement in place. A few days after I moved out my ex signed a temporary document giving me primary physical custody and him visitation every Weds & every other week. My attorney told me that was a standard arrangement because my son is so young and because we live 1.5 hours apart.
If he files first he could be the one to keep you from seeing your son until you negotiate and sign a written agreement. My attorney said he has seen parents go for as long as a month without seeing their child.
I know you all seem to be on decent terms but once you decide to divorce it almost always gets ugly when children are involved. Both parents want as much time as they can with the child so unless you are willing to give him 50/50 it could be a battle. And like I told you if you think you want to live out of state you need to discuss it with a lawyer and do it from the get go. Wherever you file is where your child will stay unless you both agree otherwise. But like I said yesterday if you can get him to agree to let you go home with some of your belongings and get it in writing that might help your case for living in another state.
Thank you. I did tell him last night that I had spoke with a mediator (this is what he proposed we use rather than use lawyers) and she had given me some advice. I asked her "her opinion" while I had her on the phone if, with one parent living out of state, if it was anywhere reasonable to think that each parent would have 50/50 custody of a child and she said no, in all of her years, she had never seen something like that and she felt it was an unreasonable request and not in the best interest of a child. Perhaps by telling him this I made a mistake, but I just wanted him to know what his choice (divorce) was truly going to entail.
At this point you need to look out for you and your son. If he wants a divorce which it sounds like he does you really need to just start thinking about yourself and your son. If you have no support in your current city you really need to figure out how you can get to a place where you have support. If I were you I would consult with an attorney to at least know your rights. Consultations are usually about $150. You could probably also do a phone consulation with an attorney in Washington.