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The Vegetarian vs. The Meat Eater? Meat Eater wins?
My husband and I have been married just over a year. I committed to becoming a vegetarian 6 months ago. I made the choice without talking to my husband first, because I thought it was one of those things I should be able to decide for myself, and had always wanted to make the change. Time has gone by, and I've realized that I was definitely wrong to make that decision without him.
He constantly brings up that I can't eat what he eats anymore, and never helps to make the decision of what to eat since I apparently can't eat anything anymore. It's driving me, and obviously him, nuts.
Should I just stop the vegetarian thing for the good of our marriage? I became a vegetarian for health concerns mostly, the ethical ones sort of being bonuses.
Problem is I've never really liked meat anyway, and I've developed a strong conviction that meat isn't good for my diet. Is it right for me to eat meat when I don't like it, and I don't think it's healthy either (at least not in the quantity he consumes...)
Re: The Vegetarian vs. The Meat Eater? Meat Eater wins?
You guys need to sit down and work out a compromise. I have been pescetarian our entire relationship and it hasn't caused many issues, despite the fact that DH is a huge foodie and meat is important to him. I'm just not interested in it for a lot of reasons; health, humane, etc. I do support local sustainable humane, but don't eat it.
I regularly cook meals we both like that are vegetarian, or I make something that I can easily add a meat component to for DH (I rarely cook meat for him). Some nights we make separate things but at the same time, so we can still sit down and eat dinner together. While DH doesn't necessarily agree with my decision not to eat meat and my reasons, he respects that it is important to me and accepts it.
What do you mean by, "he never helps make the decision what to eat"?
He isn't helping meal plan or what? I do think if you've decided to become a vegetarian, that does kind of make it your own job to decide what you eat...
Why on earth should your DH have any say about what you put into your body? You don't need to discuss becoming a vegetarian with him. You just become a vegetarian.
That said, since you have the more restrictive diet, you do the meal planning. Make delicious, healthy vegetarian meals and then if he wants, he can cook a chicken breast, burger, steak, or sausage to go along with whatever you're serving.
This whole post is weird. I'm a vegetarian and H is not; we never have problems figuring out what to eat. We eat vegetarian at home 99% of the time, but if he wants meat he can make some for himself. He's never been critical of what I eat or refused to participate in meal planning because i won't eat meat.
"Should I stop being a vegetarian for the good of our marriage" might be the weirdest question I've seen on the nest in a long time.
Also on my weird list: you decided to become a vegetarian without even mentioning it to your H? It sounds like you thought about it for a while, so I think it's very strange not to even discuss it with him. Of course it's your decision, but you just announced it one day out of the blue? You have a very weird marriage.
This.
This is about you not cooking meat for him, right? He doesn't shop or cook for the two of you and he wants you to do it for him.
What did he do before you married?
ummm exactly.
I eat meat maybe once a month but it's a staple in my husband's diet. Somehow our marriage is not faltering.
I suggest your husband be less of a numnum and you have more backbone.
Everything Smock said. Funnily enough my H was really craving a burger today, so rather than having spaghetti with provolone and green beans on the side we went to Red Robin.
Eat what you want and your husband should STFU about it.
He isn't being forced to eat whatever you eat. If he wants meat he can waltz over to the stove/grill/cooking apparatus and prepare it himself. You are both big people with two hands & minds of your own.
Stay vegetarian, hon. Don't compromise something like that. If he wants meat, he can cook it. Me and the boyfriend are in the same situation, and we keep the meat separate from the non-meat and cook them separately. I don't touch it, at all. In my ideal world, there wouldn't even be meat in the house, but he's not to that point yet, and I'm not going to push it.
Meat isn't healthy, and it's bad for the environment, and it's gross, ethically.
That said, check out this cookbook. Total life-saver. http://www.amazon.com/Meat-Lovers-Vegetarian-Cookbook-Steven-Ferry/dp/0875730701
you "dont make a meal decision" in my house, you dont eat.
just let him be. quit bugging him. when he gets hungry enough he will "make a meal decision".
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
You real question should be "Should I consider his feelings or just starve him?"
Even though you both sound immature. You decided something that effects everyone's lifestyle with out even thinking out loud about it? I mean it is your choice, but you should at least talk about the idea before it happens.
I say apologize to him for making a decision that means a lot to him but that you are not going back to meat eating. Then try to make it a positive thing. Introduce him to the wonders of non-meat products. To just start with you can have him try dehydrated tofu or Boca burgers. There is some mexican spiced meatless crumbles Boca mades that I slip into chili, eggs, potatoes, any dish really, and my BF never even notices, and he hates vegetarian food.
Check us out
There are four people in my house; a vegan, a vegetarian, a meat and potatoes man and me, who will eat anything as long as it's kosher. We manage to eat two meals a day together at the table. I get the feeling from what you're saying that your dh is unhappy that you're not fixing meat for him to eat anymore and is using this bulllshitt line to get you to drop it and start cooking for him like you're supposed to (in his mind).
All of the bolded for us too.
Your husband sounds like a jerk, but I don't understand how you made a relatively large decision like that without mentioning it to your husband.
Although I do think it is strange that you didn't communicate your feelings to your husband, I don't understand why what you eat or don't eat would destroy your marriage. You are right when you say that it is something that you are able to decide for yourself.
I'm also in the Smock camp. I'm veg. DH is not. I do most of the cooking, and he eats it without complaining. If he wants meat that night, he is welcome to make it himself. Mostly, he just eats meat outside of the home. This is not a huge issue, other than the fact that you seem to have problems communicating.
The short answer is no. You don't need to change your diet to make someone else happy, but I would recommend working on open communication.
this exactly. and if SO and I are debating on restaurants, he is okay with me choosing the more "veg-friendly" option, because he knows I'll have a better chance of finding something I like.
Each person can cook for themselves or
You can preplan meals where you have dishes that both can eat or
You can use a meat substitute in dishes that he enjoys (spaghetti, chili etc) or
You can talk about the situation like adults and find a plan that works for you both.
It sounds like the true issue at hand here is that there are some feelings and emotions built up around your decision to change your eating habits without discussing it with your husband. Giving up on your personal choice may make the issue go away - but it seems like this is something that's at least somewhat important to you!
My suggestion is this: Start at the root of the issue. You didn't talk through the change with your DH before you started making it - and it seems like he's never been able to work through his feelings about this.
Sit him down and talk to him about it. Apologize for not involving him in your thought process, and also for letting the situation go on for so long before having this conversation. He probably has a lot of feelings built up about it. Hopefully you can get him to open up and vent to / on you about it. Understand that some of what he has to say may be hurtful - but it will be just him trying to heal from feeling uninvolved for so long in this part of your life. Let him talk, listen, and then maybe ask to take a little space to hear and process what he has to say.
Then, I would suggest that you come back together and discuss a plan on where to go from there. This is when it's appropriate to bring up your feelings - and him bringing up his outstanding feeling and concerns again at this point will probably get you some more helpful and objective information than the first conversation. Approach it from a problem solving / compromise standpoint, and you'll be able to get through it without either of you having to give up your preferences, I think.
Meat eater wins?
Whoever cooks wins.
If he's cooking, the considerate thing to do would be for him to leave meat out of your dish and add it in later, but he can always just cook for himself if that's too onerous for a particular dish. If you're cooking, make a vegetarian meal.
If he's kvetching about YOU cooking food that YOU want to eat, then he's being a jerk.
Have you guys really talked about this at all?
July 3rd, 2012 ~ Hang in there sweetheart, we can't wait to meet you!