Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Feeling better
The past two weeks or so, I've been feeling really good about myself, my life, my relationship, and everything. I've been going to therapy and discussing how I feel about everything, including my co-dependant behavior, and how I'm making a concious effort to break it. My therapist is excited about my progress, but feels that because I'm trying to break co-dependancy on my own without support groups, I may fail before I succeed, but being aware and making an effort is two thumbs up in his book.
Well here's the deal...I have been very insecure my entire life. I have had body issues, eating issues, I have been 100 lbs overweight, I have also been a healthy weight. I was molested as a child by my brother, my father was an abusive alcoholic, and my mother had a hard time accepting me. She let me know every day that I wasn't good enough and she felt the need to compete with me in every aspect of my life. Every relationship I've been in has ended badly and I have been cheated on repeatedly because I let people walk all over me and I wanted so badly to be loved.
Fast forward to age 27 and my mom and I finally have a decent relationship. I'm divorced from my cheating addict XH, and living with BF who has a past but is proving to be a good man (you all don't think so, but I do and that's what's important).
The thing that usually gets me lately is anxiety. I'm anxious because I can't trust people. I'm anxious because I feel like my life is going to crumble and I'm going to end up alone. I have abandonment issues. The medication I've been put on is helping severely with the anxiety and depression. Turns out that I'm not bi-polar, just anxiety/depression.
But something recently changed in me. I'm more independent. I've been doing things alone. I've been hanging out with my friends, be it in baby steps for short periods of time, but I have been. I have come to terms with the capacity that I can actually give and if something is needing more than my capacity, I say no and walk away. I'm actually positive for the future, and hopeful of things to come. I wake up easy and don't want to stay in bed all day, depressed. I've been taking things as they are, and saying "Oh well" if it's bad. I know that the bad crap isn't going to be here forever, and I know I worked hard for what I do have.
I think I'm making progress. I guess I just wanted to vent a little. Not in a bad way, just to get it out.
Re: Feeling better
The only reason we feel you SO is not a good man is because of information YOU have told us. You just posted in the FFFC post about your BF having a psycho moment. Here was my response, and your original question
Perhaps this could be contributing to your anxiety? Why do you not want to see the writing on the wall? You need to love yourself enough to recognize the signs of a bad relationship and unfortunately it appears you are stuck on this situation.
Eh forget it.
Holy crap, what is it that you want here?!
People here listen to you -- they actually pay attention -- but the second you hear something you don't want to, you storm off in a snit. You've gotten a lot of sound advice and you continue to discount it. Stop asking questions if you've no interest in hearing the answers.
At this point, I don't trust you as a narrator; you're too unreliable. Your story changes too much.
All I have the energy to say at this point is that your own mental health issues should be your top priority. Did your psychiatrist revoke his/her bipolar diagnosis, or did you just decide it didn't fit. If your dr. did change the diagnosis, it might be wise to ask why. Why were you diagnosed in the first place, and why the change so soon after? You might also want to get a second opinion. I seem to remember you weren't a fan of this person in the first place.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Ditto this. If this is your decision on your own that you are not bi-polar, you should really talk with your psychiatrist. My father is bi-polar and he either refuses to admit and says he "may be just a little depressed" or decides he is "cured" after a few month of medication. He is not cured and he is not just a little depressed. Medication for depression will certainly help during his "down" period, but will exacerbate the "high". Are you sure your current euphoria isn't a "high" period?
The bolded part is what I was going to say. I agree with the PPs. It's great that you can recognize where your problems began, and that you just want to be loved. So now you need to work on loving and respecting yourself. Nobody in your life will do this unless you do.
I think its great you are making progress. One of the best moments of my life was realizing I don't have to fix things for other people or put everything everyone wants above everything I want just to make people like/love me.
Hopefully as you continue to make progress, you will continue to re-evaluate your decisions and your relationships in a way that is healthy for you.