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My MIL was "sick" again....
This is becoming a pretty regular thing now. And I've noticed that it has to do w/ any gatherings that are beyond immediate family. If it's just immediate family, she can always make it.
We had DS's 3rd b-day on Saturday. That morning, they called to tell us she was sick. This happened for my wedding shower, baby shower, a crab feast this summer, and quite a few other events over the years. Now this.
Usually it's "something she ate". This time it was a head cold and DH said she really did sound sick. I personally think she has some social anxiety issues that have worsened over time and I think she actually gets herself so worked up - she probably really does get sick.
We're not surprised, and not even upset. It's kind of par for the course now, and DH and I just both feel sorry for her - she's missing out on so much in life. Although I will say that I know DH is sad. The woman his mom used to be - she would have been SOOOO super involved in DS's life. That woman just isn't there anymore and I do think that makes him sad. As it does me.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Re: My MIL was "sick" again....
I'm really sorry that your MIL seems to be a shell of her former self. Maybe in the future she can work with a therapist to ease her stress. The anxiety probably makes her prone to illness and there goes the vicious cycle.
It is super sad for your family though because she is missing out. I hope it gets better for her. In the meantime take lots of pictures so that when she finally does come around she can share those memories with you in some way. (((hugs)))
Due to numerous health issues, we know she's depressed. It's been suggested to her many times (by FIL, DH, and some of her doctors) to see a therapist and she shrugs it off. Recently, FIL brought up how they went into downtown DC so that FIL could meet w/ his therapist. She waits in the waiting room. The therapist has offered to talk to her, FIL has even said "take my entire session" and she gives this "oh- I can't do that" speech.
But DH was like "I think you should mom" and she was kind of caught off guard. He was like "if he is willing to talk to you, why not?".
Who knows if she'll really do it - she really is caught up in this "poor me" cycle and feels sorry for herself, but does nothing to fix it. I've talked about this before so I'll skip the details, but FIL admits he enables her, but I think she also verbally abuses him and it's just easier for him to go along w/ what she wants vs dealing w/ her being pissed off (Like on Saturday, why couldn't he come up to the party???)
Oy.... it's a complicated situation.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Is you MIL married? Can your husband talk to her spouse or to her about how concerned he is? About how heartbroken he is that she has not been able to participate in the grandchild's life?
If she refuses to get help for her fear of crowds, you may just have to accommodate it and schedule one on one times with MIL and the child. Or ask her to come over early in the day so that she can spend time with you guys and then leave when the crowd arrives. Or make frequent videos of the child and send them to her so that she can see the progress.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ok, now that I see your follow up, ignore my soft-pedal approach. Time for the big guns.
Tell FIL that you EXPECT him to show up to "represent" them, even if MIL doesn't want to go. I will bet that will shake her up.
Well, Happy Birthday Baby ECB!!!
Sorry your MIL couldn't make it. It's really sad that she is a different person than your H remembers. And also that your FIL is missing out, too.
This is one of those things that it makes us sad, and at times angry too. We want to shake her and say "what are you DOING?!" - but we realize that it just isn't that simple either.
In the end, we do try to arrange times for them to come and spend time w/ DS. And we talk them up the same way we talk about my parents (who he sees all the time). In his world, he loves them and knows no difference. As he gets older, he'll notice the disparity - but we try hard to not make issue of it around him.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Dandelion - she has recently had the bloodwork. I've thought the same thing and w/ DSs diagnosis, I was expecting it. But it came back negative and I don't know that she would willingly do the biopsy. She was happy that DSs issue isn't her "fault" (background - she has PKD (polycycstic kidneys) and both DH and BIL have it too).
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Gotcha! I had ILs respond the same way (even though they really should have looked into it more).
I'm sorry you're all going through this.