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Question regarding christening gift
I wasn't sure which area of the forums to post this in, but I was just curious about what is appropriate to give as a christening gift. I?m asking because my hubby and I went to one yesterday for a family friend and there was some debate over how much we should give. Mind you, my hubby has never been to a christening before, so whatever he thinks is based on whatever his parents have told him is appropriate. I've only been to a small handful in my lifetime - the last one I
remember going to was about 15 years ago for one of my younger cousins,
so I don't know if things have changed from then until now in terms of what is appropriate. I always thought you give the child something of religious significance or money, but how much is the question. I really what to know what you all think in terms of how much money you would give because I am sure this is not the last christening we will be invited to and I want to be sure I?m following proper etiquette. Would this be similar to what $ amount you would give for a wedding?
And speaking of which, is it a common thing for people to have a huge party for a christening? Think 'wedding' style - catering hall with cocktail hour (lobster and all), full on dinner, Viennese table, dj, and about 100 or so guests. (ps - this is the couple's 3rd child too) The christenings I've been to have all had something afterward, but more low key, like lunch at a restaurant or even at the parent's house. I guess if you have the money to do something bigger, then more power to you, but my hubby looked at me like I was crazy when I said I've never heard of anyone having this big of a party for a christening. Different strokes for different folks, I guess....
Re: Question regarding christening gift
As far as amount, I think the same "give what you can afford" applies like at weddings. There isn't (or shouldn't be) an actual set value.
And all the christenings I've been to there have been low-key parties held at the parents house (or sometimes lunch at a local restaurant) after, but never a reception-style. I wouldn't be thrown off by it though. Some people like to go all out.
When my kids were christened, I got everything from religions gifts to teddy bears.
The majority of people gave savings bonds, with the amount being anything between $50 (which means the person paid $25 for it) to $500 (which means the giver paid $250 - but that was from the Godparents).
When I had Christening, we received cash gifts, bonds, a few childrens bibles and her godmother gave her a gold cross. Most in the range $25-$100, with a few $200+. We had a private mass and a catered lunch after with lots of wine. It was lovely. I've only been to Christenings where there was a catered lunch or restuarant lunch. I did not have a DJ. But I have heard of some folks doing it wedding-style. I'll get a call form a friend like "Let me tell you about the Christening I went to yesterday." It was a little more common on Long Island, I wouldn't expect that at all where I live now. I would give more money in the gift for a big venue like that, but its pretty typical for most Nesties to get outraged at the thought for giving more to swankier parties - most of the advice is "give what you can afford/ always give".
Proper etiquette for christening gifts is the same as for gifts given for other occasions: a gift is never required, and if you do choose to give a gift, you should spend whatever you are comfortable spending.
In general, my family has kept the christening lunches pretty low-key, but I do know of people who don't. Big parties at banquet halls are fairly common among certain cultures.
There is no 'right' amt...the amt we give (or the gift we give) depends on how well we know the family.
Yes, sometimes people do have big parties for Christenings/Baptisms etc Again, there is no 'right or wrong' way to celebrate.
The big parties, or luncheons, or no party is probably more cultural/regional/religion based than general. Or could be a sign of a future pageant mom.-lol
As for gift giving, my rule of thumb is the closer I am to that person then more they get.
For example, My neices/nephews would get a small gift maybe $20-$30 priced, plus I'd give about $100 cash/check/bond
If it was my BFF's child- then the same as above but $50 cash/check/bond
any other friend or more distant relative then just a gift OR $25cash/check or $50 cash/check/bond ($ based on just how well known, how distant/close.)
But that's just my rules.
I've never given more than $50-100 cash for a christening. This was for extended family and the children of friends. I would give more if it was my godchild, a niece/nephew or a very close friend's kid ... and those are the only kids that I would buy a religious keepsake for.
I live in North Jersey ... I don't think I've personally been to a christening party that rivaled a wedding reception, but they're not at all uncommon in my area. The parties I've been to were in restaurants, VFW halls, a condo clubhouse or at the parents' home. Some guest lists were larger than others.
But I've never been to one with a DJ, photographer, multi-course dinner, etc. (the only non-wedding I've attended like this was an engagement party and I was amazed ... and I know that a few girls on my local Knot board had bridal showers like this).
I appreciate the responses and would have to say that I'm in agreement with you guys. I just wanted to make sure that what I was thinking wasn't wrong or rude, because I haven't been to too many christenings to genuinely know what would be 'proper etiquette', but the ones I have been to have all been smaller, more low-key affairs. And hey, if someone has the money to do a full on affair and wants to do that, more power to them.....
My hubby's 'community' basically is all about 'keeping up with the kardashians'. Pun intended. So any time there has ever been any kind of debate over how much to give for any kind of event that involves monetary gifts, he only sees one way. I don't blame him entirely because this is what he learned from his parents - it's all about appearances and what people think of you. What annoys me is the fact that when I mention that giving someone that we have barely any relationship with at all (like, we've seen them a few times in church and maybe like 2 or 3 times outside of church) $200 for a christening gift and suggest maybe we shouldn't give so much money, he tells me that I?m wrong and then questions what kind of family I came from and says giving any less would be insulting. Really? Insulting to who? I'd like to see someone who is not even family to say something to me about any gift I give to them. In the end, we came to a reasonable compromise, but he mentioned again the next day that we should have given more and it still ticks me off nonetheless because this is not how I was raised. I was always told by my own family - you give what you can afford, you maybe give more to those who are closer to you depending on your situation, etc etc. That doesn't make us rude or wrong....it's just being realistic about what you would give for a gift.
Anyway, thanks all for your advice/thoughts/opinions and happy holidays