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Any Catholics in the house? I want to discuss potential Xmas issues...
So I married in the church. I'm in the process of getting an annulment (meaning I'm starting the paperwork).
My sister and her H are very Catholic. My grandma would classify them as "more Catholic than the church." They are coming to Xmas along with her FIL and the family priest.
Her in law's family priest is nice, I have met him a couple times and he married my sister.
I am obviously divorced, not annuled, and have a Jewish SO...whom is also coming to Xmas. She has not met him yet (despite us dating for 2 years) b/c of the annulment issue.
The annulment comes up ALL THE TIME in conversation with her. I would hope she would not mention it at Xmas, but should she, what advice would you have for me? I don't particuarily want to air my business in front of a priest, you know?
Back story is also that FIL lost his wife this year, so he is coming to Xmas because of that. Priest is off work that day too, and since he normally spends it with them or at work, he is coming along. My mom felt it was rude to not invite him.
I def. want to go to Xmas this year b/c my grandma is dying and this is likely my last holiday with her.
Re: Any Catholics in the house? I want to discuss potential Xmas issues...
Not Catholic, but wanted to offer my advice.
Personally, I would contact sister prior to the gathering and let her know that discussing anything related to the annulment would be highly inappropriate and that you would appreciate her restraint on this particular day.
Hopefully she'll go with it.
Sorry about your grandma. (((hugs)))
If she says anything, you could respond by saying, "That topic is not up for discussion." and leave it at that.
ETA - No matter what religion anyone is, it is NO ONE'S business where you are in your divorce/annulment. You do not have to discuss this openly with your sister, your guests or anyone that you do not want to.
I like this advice. And if she does bring it up, just say firmly but politely that you're in the process of obtaining an annulment and are hopeful that it will come through soon. Then change the subject. (I'm Catholic, but definitely not uber-Catholic.)
Oh this is good. Or I can tag team with my dad and have SO do a Jewish prayer. We said grace at TKgiving and my dad asked him to do a Jewish prayer too...it was nice, but it would totally freak out my sister.
~Benjamin Franklin
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How about a polite. " I would rather we talk about something else."
Or how about " I do not think this is the time for a conversation like that"
I'm legally divorced, but "married" in the eye's of the Catholics.
I'm not Catholic (so this could be all wrong advice) but I have similar family members.
Your call on whether you should say anything ahead of time (some people would be irritated and then go out of their way to bring it whatever topic you don't what discussed at Xmas).
I would wait for her to bring it and then say
"While I appreciate your concern, I'd rather not discuss that topic right now. I am sure you can respect my wishes."
If she pushes just cut her off mid sentence with "I am sure you can respect my wishes." ..if she keeps talking about it cut her off again.."I am sure you can respect my wishes." ...and again if needed.."I am sure you can respect my wishes." until it become ridiculous that she is still talking.
That way
1) She has been complimented (appreciate concern and all..)
2) You've told her not to talk about it
3) If she insists she is admitted to being disrespectful.
If that doesn't work redirect to what the holiday truly is about. Something like..."This is a holiday season when we need to come together with love to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. I am sure you can respect my wishes..."
Yeah, still none of her business, and completely inappropriate for her to bring it up at family gatherings.
Or at any other time.
I really like this. You look like the bigger person then but you are politely pushing back.
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When exactly is the time or place for your sister to be badgering you about your annulment? I vote for taking the subject off the table, not just when FIL and priest are visiting for the holidays but for all time. Tell her this ahead of time, and if she brings it up, then say something like "That subject is private and not open to discussion."
And from my experience (12 years of Catholic Schools and lots of clergy contact), the priest isn't going to give you any grief. Priests and sisters are used to walking into mixed faith environments and aren't going to be rude by hassling other guests.
I wouldn't call SIL -- she will just get the bit further into her sanctimonious teeth. I think the responses that other posters mentioned were great. I would also have some deflections up my sleeve...like "I don't think we want to discuss it now. What I really want to know is what were Christmases like for you (grandma, priest, random person walking by)?"