Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
does your husband care if you talk to your ex?
i have 2 ex boyfriends from my past.
one from high school that i dated for 6 years. We were very close. But i broke up with him cause he messed up(cheayed on me)
2nd ex dated during college for 3 years. i am friends with him.
my husband said it makes him uncomfortable for me to talk to my ex from high school. he wont state why. i am frustrated.
my ex from highs schools mom died in the summer. i just found out today. i want to call to say i am sorry. my husband said it will make him uncomfortable. what do you think? anyone go through this before?
Re: does your husband care if you talk to your ex?
What do you hope to gain from talking to your ex? Obviously you aren't close if his mother died months ago and you just found out.
If it bothers your husband just don't contact your ex. Your husband's feeling are valid even if he can't necessarily put it in words.
No, i havent gone through it, If my x's mother died my H would expect me to call.
i am a grown woman in an adult relationship. My H and i trust each other and our judgement.
Of course if i talked to him very often there would be a problem on both our parts.
When my mother died 2 years ago my x from 20 years ago showed up...he loved my family and spent 5 years as part of it. I thought it was extremely thoughtful and showed me again what a great woman my mother was. My H thought the same,. The was no hidden motive..i havent seen him in probably 15 years!
.He told me in the past the reason...I just forget....It really bothers me that he wont compromise on this. I have never done anything to make him not trust me.
he doesnt like my ex. I thik he in some way feels threatened by my ex. My husband and I have trouble getting along. I think he feels threatened by my ex.
Nope, Fi doesn't care.
He knows that I have sporadic phone or email exchanges with exes. He doesn't care. He jokes that he likes them - for being stupid enough to let me get away.
if he trusted you he wouldnt have a reason to be mad.
and then you say his x cheated, what does that have to do with you/ oh yeah that means since his x cheated, he doesnt trust you either,
Oh, and just to prove the point...I flew to CA to see my ex who was dying of a brain tumor and then returned for his memorial service.
Does he want to be in the room when you call? Does he think that "I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother was a lovely woman." is code for "Ooooh baby, I want to do you now!!!?"
Why did you post this on three boards?
And why are you with a H who is "undermining and disrespectful" and perhaps "emotionally abusive"?
Weren't you recently asking when it was time to give up on a marriage?
Honestly - it seems like you've pretty much reached that time.
If you just found out that his mom died, you can't be that close.
Personally, I don't see a reason to talk to an ex, but that's just me.
I would understand if you were good friends with this person and talked regularly and really valued them being involved in your life. But again, I don't think you are that close since you just found out about his mom's passing. Since you aren't that close, I don't find it worth it to make your husband upset by doing something he expressed made him uncomfortable. I would value my husbands feelings over some ex any day. And I should hope my husband would feel the same about me.
I feel like there's more to the story here. Is there a reason for your DH to be worried about your conversations? What kind of relationship do you currently have with your ex-BFs?
I feel as though you are an adult and should be able to make your own choice and your DH should trust you, but something doesn't feel right to me in this post. Somewhere along the line it appears you lost (or never had?) trust in your relationship and I'm wondering what happened.
My boyfriend doesn't particularly like my exes but wouldn't flip a lid if I called one to say I'm sorry your mom died.
I think this is just one in a long list of problems in your marriage, OP.
What everyone else said, but I also think it's weird and creepy of you to contact old high school boyfriends when their family members die. I mean, it's not like you're close, and can truly be a support while he's grieving. So what are you hoping to gain from this?
I don't know, there's something off and opportunistic about this. It just doesn't smell right on your end.
Team Kuus.
I feel like there's something you're not telling us. I am friendly with my ex (not friends, but we chat through email on rare occasion), and DH doesn't have any problem with it. I think most of them don't, as long as you are clearly not interested in one another.
Either he thinks you're into him or he's into you. Either way, that doesn't work for a friendship. I believe Kuus said once that you can only be friends with an ex if NEITHER of you is interested in the other. Why would he suspect something isn't right here?
Of course, we may be looking at the wrong issue. Why don't you and your H get along?
I see no reason to talk to ex's unless you see them out and about and say hi. However my H doesn't like it at all to talk to an ex (which I prefer if he doesn't either). But when my highschool ex-boyfriend's (of 4 years) mom died this past summer- I went to the visitation, no questions asked. I asked him if he'd like to go (we are all from the same town, very small) and he said no thanks. If you feel like you should say sorry about his loss- then do it but if your H is really against it, I'd just forget about calling him.
Why would you want to do something that would make your H uncomfortable? Is it really that important to contact a high school ex to express sympathy for the loss of his mom over the summer that you found out about now, months later?
If you're already not getting along, maybe you should be working on that instead of worrying about contacting exes.
And no, my H wouldn't care. Because we trust each other and know that one of us isn't going to be participating in something that's inappropriate.
My ex contacted me when his dog died. It was totally innocent and in no way a ridiculously transparent attempt to reestablish contact with me and push his skeezy self back into my life. No no, not at all.
We moved in together like a year later.