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F/U to my post below...
I went to talk with H last night and he gave me some options.
Option 1 - Move on from my grudge holding that I've been keeping for the last 2 months and work on our marriage.
Basically, the straw that broke the camels back was that we were "trying" to have a baby...unsuccessfully and my doctor wanted us to have testing done. He freaked out over giving up his sperm without even discussing it with me or a doctor. Totally dismissed me; laughed at me, went and bought alcohol instead of facing the issue upfront, etc. That just brought up a number of other issues that we were having and of course it also "forced" him to start drinking again. I went ahead with testing just to know and here I'm unable to have children. After all of this happened, we started back to therapy, individually and once as a couple, our counselor said that we were in no way ready to have a family. Which I started to realize that after the fact and I am very thankful that it didn't happen. I refuse to bring a child into a family with abuse issues but like I said before, I thought he finally had some control and we were both ready.. Boy was I wrong!! Whew dodge a bullet!!
Option 2 - Move out. He'll pay for all moving expenses but the only problem is that it will be done on Saturday - THIS SATURDAY!!!, if he can find a mover on short notice - which he did.
So after he was done with his speech, he asked me to make a decision.
My decision...I'm moving out on Saturday - on his dollar!! My friend's are awesome enough to let me live in her house (she's trying to sell - with absolutely no luck and the house sits empty for the time being until it sells) and my rent is practically next to nothing and utilities which are super cheap. They are just more concerned for my safety. AND I get to take my Ivory.
A sense of relief, yet panic is setting in. I know this is the best thing for me but it still sucks. Project move me out is underway tonight...wow!!!
Ivory
Re: F/U to my post below...
Good luck with your quick "move-out" date. It sounds like it's the right decision for you. Most importantly, this will allow (hopefully) you to focus on yourself, and move "onwards and upwards!"
Wow, he sounds like such a peach. My bet is that he wanted to give you those options in hopes that you wouldn't be able to get it together or decide to move out by Saturday. Then he could say, "well, I gave you the choice and you CHOSE to stay". Talk about manipulation.
Good for you for sticking to your guns, he just has trouble written all over him. And the alcohol is just one of the many issues.
He's the king of munipulation!! None of his actions surprises me anymore!! I'm super thankful that my friend is so willing to just let me live in a place and not even pay a quarter of her mortgage payment. How wonderful is that!!
Time to move on with my life and find happiness!! My therapist told me at our last session that he took my soul away and now it's time to get it back!!
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Yes, it was in first post. OP, good for you! Glad that you are happy with your decision and that you get to take your fur baby!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Exactly what I was thinking. So sorry you're going through this. But, you are making the ONLY decision..there isn't any other option. Good luck.
Much to H's dislike, Ivory is coming with me. I can't leave her behind!! Look at her sweet face!!! hahaha!!
H is a real douche and it has taking me 9 + years to finally work up enough courage to finally let go and move on with my life. I can't solve his issues or be his biggest supporter when he can't do the same in return. That's not a marriage in my opinion. The vicious cycle of his abuse will continue but it will not affect me anymore!
It took me over 20 years to leave my similar situation. I am so happy you are getting out. You will not believe how much calmer your life with be now. Sometimes quickly moving out is a good thing. No time for to much analyzing.
Keep up your great attitude. I understand about getting your soul back. I found mine again. It is a great feeling.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I know!! My cat is my child and leaving her behind with him would be devestating!! She'll have a hard time adjusting to her new digs but in time she'll be fine!
Thank you all for your wonderful words of encourgement!! I think a lot of my will to move on is because I've read your stories, advice and I know that I can move on to a better life!!
Everything happens for a reason I truly believe that. Imagine how much worse this situation would be if you had added a baby to the mix.
I am glad you have the option to live at your friend's house and I hope it all workds out for you. Onwards and upwards right?