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I'm sad and I need to get this out...
My sister had a baby girl 4 years ago today who was diagnosed with trisomy 18, she only lived 2 hours, and was only 2lbs at 38 weeks. My heart is breaking for her knowing that Rian would have been 4 today, and I've been feeling so guilty for the past couple of weeks talking about the details to Wyatt's birthday party when I know that had things gone differently, she would also be planning Rian's.
The worst part is that I've never known what to say about it. The day Rian was born I was 9 hours away and I was the only one who never got to meet her before she passed. I called my sister and told her how sorry I was for her loss, and tried to say something comforting but I could think of nothing. Obviously no amount of words would help, but I feel guilty that even now I have no idea what to say.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this... I'm just so broken hearted for my sister today.
Re: I'm sad and I need to get this out...
A loss is always hard. I'm so sorry.
How is your sister doing?
I have a friend who lost a beautiful daughter to trisomy about a year ago. She said that the most comforting thing people can do is talk about her daughter and use her daughter's name. A few months after her daughter passed she said that people started pretending like she had never existed. I'm sure it's because they didn't know what to say, but sometimes it's nice to have someone who is not afraid to mention the baby by name.
It is an incredibly sad situation and I'm so sorry to hear that your sister had to go through it. Hugs!
William born 7/12/2000
Andrew born 10/30/2011 (9lb 4oz at 37 weeks)
#1-BFP 08-22-09 ~ M/C 08-31-09 at 5 weeks 6 days
#2-BFP 08-6-11 ~ Due 04/18 ~ born via c-section April 22, 2012
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I agree with Becky. When my brother passed away people avoided me and if someone would say his name the room would get silent and everyone would be waiting to see how I was going to react. It drove me crazy. I love talking about my brother and my family and I try and guess what he would be doing if he was still here. When we make mashed potatoes we think of him because he LOVED them. My mom and I always have a good laugh!
I bet you anything that you sister doesn't want you feeling guilty. If you don't want to talk about Rian, then just call and talk with her about other things and tell her you love her.
I agree.
My mom had 2 still births late term and she always says it was so isolating since everyone in our small town knew she had been pregnant, but never mentioned it to her. She still talks about how our local midwife, who she barely knew, came by her house and asked her about her children she had lost and how she finally felt that their lives had been validated.
It's a hard thing to talk about the loss of anyone, especially children to their parents, but talking about it and letting the person who directly experienced the loss discuss their child, can be very cathartic.
I am so sorry for your loss. No amount of time really completely helps. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. Birthdays are always the hardest, I think.
I don't know if you remember, but I lost my sister as an infant. Please feel free to contact me anytime if you want to chat. I completely get it....
Thank you all so much
We do talk about Rian whenever we're together, she talks about her as if she is still here, but there are times when I can tell that it hurts to talk about her... I always wonder if what I say does more harm than good, but I know that the last thing she wants is for Rian to be forgotten.
You girls are always so great for making me feel better! xoxoxo
This is so cool and special. I make cupcakes on Peyton's birthday every year and most of them end up at the ambulance station and they don't know why (I tend to send all my extra baked goods their way, so they don't know the difference) but it's my one "tradition" since we can't make it down to the cemetery to celebrate with his parents every year.
I think we all need a group hug now!
Love all you girls so much. It blows me away how supportive and wonderful you are.