Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Introduction (a little long.)
Hello ladies. I hope this constitutes as TIP because the other boards I'm on, while the ladies are super supportive, I feel bad bltching sometimes because there are other challenges going on.
MH and I have been married for almost a year (1 year in Feb) and DH has had medical issues for a while - we were only dating for 4 mths. Basically, he has rheumatoid arthritis in his lungs. It's supremely rare and the doctors aren't quite sure what to do but keep him on steroids and pain medication. They were trying to get an IV drug that finally got approved last week. They're saying that it probably won't 'fix' his lungs, but that it will help with the achy-ness of his hands/wrists/knees/ankles. They haven't done tests yet, but the RA may have gone into his joints, too, which this medication would help.
The medication we have no idea how it will affect him. Supposedly there isn't too many bad side effects, aside from feeling like you have the flu. He's been in and out of the hospital a few times (thankfully not in the last year) and has had a lung biopsy done along with a few other tests. He's not getting worse, but there isn't any measurable 'better.' He gets out of breath ridiculously easy, and is coughing all the time.
We have baby #1 on the way, which we decided that since we weren't sure what course the doctors were going to suggest with DH (possibly chemo) we wanted to start our family asap. Unfortunately, I got laid off because my agency closed due to budget cuts.
I'm afraid ... of everything, I guess. How he's going to react to the new medication (which he will probably do in January and it's an 8 hour IV drip, and then 6 mths later another IV drip). What if I can't find a job? There's just ... worry upon worry right now. I feel selfish sometimes thinking about how it affects me and how I feel about it when I'm not the one that is going to be having all of this happen to my body. I know he feels sick all the time - like a truck ran him over.
Sorry it got so long. Like I said, I don't know if this constitutes as TIP.
Re: Introduction (a little long.)
Um, why did you get married after only four months??
Beyond taking the "wait and see" approach regarding your H's health issues and the "bust your butt to find a job" approach, there really isn't much you can do.
Take a deep breath and realize there is only so much you can do. So, you take it one step, one day at a time.
Its not terribly helpful, I know, but this is life - it doesn't always go the "right" way, you know?
We didn't ... we waited longer than that. He's been sick since we were together for 4 mths. Sorry if that was unclear.
I can understand why you would be scared. There are a lot of unknowns in your life at this point and you are going to have to be the rock for your family.
You'll find a job. Just keep looking. Do everything you can to get hired before you start showing. If you don't find the perfect position right away, get a job that you won't feel bad quitting when you do.
Thanks Muddled. I appreciate the understanding of me being scared. Like I said, sometimes I feel selfish feeling scared or whatever because I know that if I'm feeling it, then he's feeling it a billion times more. I keep applying and in my head know that its the holidays and so people probably won't start really up and hiring again til the new year.
Just keep handing out the resumes. if you do not find a job before you start to show be up front with companies that ask you if you are pregnant. You don't want to lie to them before they even hired you, that is not good professional skills.
GL with the job hunting!
You are allowed to be scared and allowed to be worried. Yes, you are going to be your husband's main support, but you are going to need a support system, too. Do you have that? Do they know what is going on?
Nope. He still works 40 hours per week and doesn't qualify. If he were to stop working, he would I believe.
You should really try and talk to a lawyer . My dad actually gets SSi and one of the main reasons is because of RA .
I think you have every reason to be scared. Things are uncertain and this is a lot on your plate, period. I also think its good you're recognizing how you feel and acknowledging it. I think therapy or some kind fo support group for people with sick partners could be incredibly helpful for you. It sounds like you feel bad burdening a lot of your support system or allowing yourself to feel scared when they are going through things as well. You need someone you can talk to on a regular basis where you can have selfish thoughts and work through all the very complicated emotions that come with the huge life changes you're experiencing all at once. Personally, I developed major depression when my Mom was sick from trying to hold it all together and be strong. I cannot imagine adding a job loss and a baby on top of that. There has to be some way you can get low cost counseling.
In the meantime I'll also be sending lots of T&P for your husband's health and finding a new job.