Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll for those of you in relationships:
1. How long have you been together?
2. How did you meet?
3. Favorite thing about SO?
4. Something about SO that gives you pause?
5. How "serious" are things?
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last?
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Re: Poll for those of you in relationships:
2. How did you meet? My old work
3. Favorite thing about SO? He constantly makes me laugh. We are on the same page with our expectations of each other and this relationships. We have passion.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He has NO relationship with his family.
5. How "serious" are things? Very.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? My last relationship had no passion. We were complete roommates.
1. How long have you been together? Almost 8 months
2. How did you meet? Match.com
3. Favorite thing about SO? He can be very thoughtful and is a great communicator. He is also very close with his family and has good priorities.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? I am his first serious GF since his divorce
5. How "serious" are things? Pretty serious
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? I feel more equal with current BF. I kind of "dated down" with XBF which caused issues. ETA: Current BF calls me out on my sh*t which I like (XBF didn't). BF also likes that I call him out on his sh*t (XBF couldn't STAND to be criticized)
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
1. How long have you been together? Officially? About 2 months, though we were quietly seeing one another for a little while before.
2. How did you meet? We've been good friends for 3 years. He tends bar at the place I frequent for happy hour.
3. Favorite thing about SO? He's got a really intense creative drive. If he's not in the midst of some sort of project, he gets antsy. He's an amazing artist, he plays drums in a pretty popular local band and he's directed and acted in some short films. I admire his talent and his passion.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? Dating a bartender can be dicey. The hours are rough, and it's tricky having opposite schedules (though he does have weekends off, which is great). He gets hit on a lot, which doesn't thrill me, but I trust him.
5. How "serious" are things? Not sure, exactly, but it's going well! We're crazy about one another without getting ahead of ourselves.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? Since we've known one another for so long, I didn't fall into that trap of sugarcoating and being my best possible self for too long -- he knows exactly who I am, and he's not scared off. We communicate very well. I've probably never been this open with a significant other before. And though we have been friends for years, we are most certainly not trapped in the friend zone. The attraction is very strong. It's a more affectionate relationship than my last, too. We're by no means a gross PDA couple, but there's a lot of situationally-appropriate physical contact -- and I like that a lot.So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
1. How long have you been together? 3 months
2. How did you meet? Met at a bar... LOL! Completely unexpected for us both!
3. Favorite thing about SO? He is a wonderful communicator and father
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? His exW... she's a handful to say the least, although he doesn't trash her or throw pity parties for himself.
5. How "serious" are things? Meh, we've definitely talked about a future together, and we're really interested in building a strong foundation. We're not spring chickens so why beat around the bush and waste anyone's time if it doesn't seem to have legs to stand on?
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? Our communication is really terrific. We can literally talk to one another about anything and we've delved into some pretty serious topics already. We're both very self-aware and comfortable in our skins. There's a lot of mutual respect and partnership. Plus the physical affection is wonderful!1. How long have you been together? 4 months
2. How did you meet? OkCupid
3. Favorite thing about SO? his talents, his passion for what he does, his thoughtfulness, that he likes to analyze things with me, that he thinks I'm funny, the fact that he puts up with me AND calls me out when I'm being dumb or obnoxious
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? sometimes I have to ask him things like, "did you remember your wallet?" I was my XH's mom/babysitter, and I'm not looking to play that role again.
5. How "serious" are things? not too. We are only seeing each other (and have been), but we don't call each other BF/GF, nor have we said "I love you."
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? at this stage? I'm not obsessed with him.
1) 7 months
2) Blind date
3) He is sweet/caring. He always thinks of me and DD first and goes out of his way to help me whenever he can.
4) He is almost too trusting. He helps his friends out a lot and I side eye him for it sometimes... I feel there are a couple that take advantage of him. Like he is always paying for their dinner and helps them around the house alot, but they never return the favor. Maybe I am just a grinch.
5) We are serious and committed, though an official engagement is not happeneing in the immediate future.
6) We talk about any conflict and we do it in a civil tone. He puts me and DD first. He has his own friends and so do I. I am happy with myself, which makes me a better partner.
1. How long have you been together? 5 months
2. How did you meet? We met 4 years ago when he was dating a friend of a friend. We "re-met" this summer at a bar.
3. Favorite thing about SO? He is so considerate and affectionate. I'm not used to someone putting me 1st (or even 3rd) and this is totally new.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? Hes older than me but not too much older
5. How "serious" are things? We're exclusive but I really want to take thing slow considering its my first real relationship after XH
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? We see each other as equals. XH saw me as much less important than himself.
1. How long have you been together? Almost three years.
2. How did you meet? We met at work a year and a half before we met again at our apartment gym - we lived at the same apartment complex.
3. Favorite thing about SO? He always makes me laugh and I have always felt comfortable being myself around him. He has this big cheesy smile and his face lights up everytime he sees me.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He struggles with some of his own issues that we are openly communicating about.
5. How "serious" are things? We are engaged and getting married next year.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? A lot different, my last relationship (ex-fi) was not a partnership. Ex-FI was not a grown man capable of taking care of himself and making decisions for himself. He was a 30 year old mama's boy. Current FI listens to me and I know my feelings/thoughts and opinions are heard.
1. How long have you been together? Almost a year (officially started dating in January 2010)
2. How did you meet? At work
3. Favorite thing about SO? His smile (yes, he does smile...much to the surprise of many), how respectful he is, how he appreciates that I am my own person, his ability to cook!
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? How he is somewhat closed off emotionally. This is something that is changing though. I think when people are hurt in relationships, it is natural to put up a wall. We've passed a lot of milestones and the walls have been coming down quite nicely.
5. How "serious" are things? Fairly serious. We're not in a rush, but while having a dinner with friends the other night (I was DD, the other couple and SO were tipsy)...we were discussing the other couple's upcoming wedding. SO shared how he wants us to get married on the beach, but that he's nervous about approaching my Dad to get permission. He also mentioned when kids came up during subsequent discssions that he wants "4 kids". I made a "OMG!" face and he said, "No no, don't worry...Ava and Lily are in that count." Relief! I can't give birth to 6 kids!
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? It is completely different. There is mutual respect, admiration, love. I know he is genuinely attracted to me and he tells me quite frequently how amazing I am. It is just so comfortable and easy. I'm not expected to go out of my way to spend time with him doing what he wants all the time. There is just as much time devoted to me as there is to him. And his family, my God...his family is downright amazing. Again, so comfortable, effortless, filled with love.
2. How did you meet? We met in our local running group
3. Favorite thing about SO? His love to exercise. Oh and his ability to make me laugh ALL.THE.TIME. Like HUGE belly laughs.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? I don't know what this means.
5. How "serious" are things? Well, we see each other everyday. He has met my Mom, Step-Dad and one of my brothers. We have taken several vacations together, and we have plans to do several races in the future.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last?
We have the same interests and we love to work out together. This is the first time I have been in a relationship with someone that works out with me everyday.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
1. How long have you been together? 8 months
2. How did you meet? We were in the same 4-H horse club growing up, and went to the same school too. We were "reconnected" when he went into the credit union where my mom works to get a loan for his new camper. She found out his was divorced, so she told him about my divorce. He was shocked to find out about it, but we started talking on FB, then met up for drinks one night to catch up as old friends. Obviously there was something else there and we've been happy ever since.
3. Favorite thing about SO? Just one? I would have to say the way he makes me feel -- beautiful, smart, successful, great mom, and most importantly, he makes me feel appreciated and loved.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? His work ethic. He has a great one, don't me me wrong, but sometimes I wonder if he's too devoted to working. If he's not working a shift at the firehouse, he's farming at his grandpa's, delivering hay, working on jobs (construction) with his dad's business, and now that it's winter add snowplowing to that mix. I think it's great he's so driven and motivated, and so far he's always made time for me and DS (i.e. doing these things on his days off and made time for us in the evening) but I can't help but wonder if that will change when we're a family living together.
5. How "serious" are things? Very. Talk of engagement in the near future.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? In may ways, polar opposites. FF and I have very open communication. I hated trying to talk to XH because he always had a way of twisting my words around and turning things back on me. FF respects my opinions, thoughts and feelings. XH was all about himself. FF wants me to succeed in life and doesn't make me feel bad for having a good job (XH resented the fact I was the breadwinner...a lot). FF and I have been going through a "1000 Questions for Couples" book and have learned so much about each other and are on the same page about a lot of things. If we're not on the same page, we talk about it and understand each other's point of view. Had I gone through this book with XH, I doubt there would've been a wedding. Actually, I highly doubt XH would've even agreed to go through the book with me. FF and I both have been through a divorce and have learned what we want out of life, what we expect from the person we're with, and what we won't tolerate. I don't think XH learned a thing from our divorce.
1. How long have you been together? 6 Months
2. How did you meet? Match.com
3. Favorite thing about SO? He cracks me up. It's literally like dating a comedian!
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He's indecisive at times, but then again so am I
5. How "serious" are things? Serious. We've talked about marriage and having kids.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? It feels a lot more grown up. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact he has a daughter and has more responsiblities than anyone I've dated. I can honestly say I can picture us growing old together, which I was never really able to with XH.
2. How did you meet? He was taking Zumba at the dance studio where I dance/work
3. Favorite thing about SO? He makes me laugh, he's very affectionate, and he is always doing little things to let me know that he cares. He spent Sunday afternoon scrubbing and polishing and buffing my car while I was at a ladies-only holiday party!
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He has been divorced twice, and he has very little in the way of savings. That being said, I think he has learned from past relationships, and he is currently working on building up his savings (XW2 spent money like there was no tomorrow and cleaned out what little was in the bank account when she left).
5. How "serious" are things? For all intents and purposes, we live together. We spend weeknights at my place and weekends at his. I've met his mom, sister, XW1 (his kids' mom), and his DS and DD. Neither of us considers this a short-term relationship.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? We talk about it when something is bothering one of us. We talk about it calmly, and we both express our viewpoints and listen to each other's so that things don't build up. XFI was terrible about telling me when something was bothering him. He'd let it build up and eat him up until it wasn't fixable anymore.
1. How long have you been together? 10 months
2. How did you meet? Complicated story: We actually went to high school together but didn't see each other again until about 2006 when he started working as a trooper in the area. I run in fire/rescue so we started seeing each other on calls, eventually I got him to join the rescue squad where I volunteer. After he joined we became really good friends and after I separated we fell in to it.
3. Favorite thing about SO? he always makes me feel loved
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? he hates making plans, I'm a planner, it causes us a little strife lol
5. How "serious" are things? pretty serious
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? A lot of ways. He treats me way better, he has goals and a career path with chances to do other things (my ex did one thing, if he lost his job he wouldn't really have a lot of options), I've been told that I'm a happier person in general when I'm around him from people that saw me with my ex even before things got bad. We click really well.
1. How long have you been together? 3 months
2. How did you meet? At a huge annual singles event in our city
3. Favorite thing about SO? That he is christian and has values. And that he love kids and has been so good with my son and stepping in to help me with changing diapers, meal time, etc.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He has some financial issues
5. How "serious" are things? Serious
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last?
He has more values than my ex. I know he wouldn't abandon me or cheat on me like my ex did. He is more interested in spending time with me and my son. All my ex wanted to do was spend time with his friends or with all of his family instead of family time with just us. Looking back I see that my ex had no interest in me beyond the initial attraction. I see that BF actually cares about ME and wants to know me inside and out.
1. How long have you been together? Since August
2. How did you meet? POF
3. Favorite thing about SO? That he encourages me in everything that I do. He is always saying "I know you'll complete this and I have faith in you".
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He is very much in the moment. I can say things like "we should plan a cruise next summer" with no problem but when I say things like "Maybe after you start staying over more and we both feel comfortable about it you could eventually move in with me" but is a total no go. He doesn't like planning things out as far as a future. I think it has to do with him being hurt in every relationship that he hates getting attached.
5. How "serious" are things? we're exclusive and in love but moving at a snails pace.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? he actually cares about me and thinks about me whereas other guys have only looked out for themselves. He remembers what I like and don't like. I feel very comfortable with him and no on egg shells. I'm also no paranoid that he is cheating because it is so far from his character that I would be completely shocked if he ever attempted.
1. How long have you been together? 6 months
2. How did you meet? We've been friends for a long time
3. Favorite thing about SO? He is so easy going and content to do just whatever.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He gets introverted when he's depressed and he doesn't communicate his feelings freely.
5. How "serious" are things? Pretty serious. We're living together, and we're committed to each other. We would like a future.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? XH was selfish and hurtful, where BF is not. He's warm and caring and listens to what I have to say. We make decisions together instead of just hoping we go along with each other. I love him whereas I did not love XH.
1. How long have you been together? 2 months
2. How did you meet? His grandpa was on my cardiac floor as a patient and SO was visiting. We started talking because the Tigers had a play off game and I was trying to see the score.
3. Favorite thing about SO? He is super sweet and does little gestures without me ever asking or suggesting.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? He doesn't have a college degree which was a big thing for me prior to getting into a relationship
5. How "serious" are things? Pretty serious. I love yous have been exchanged.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? We communicate way better.
I've mostly been lurking for the past couple of months, but I'm going to play
1. How long have you been together? over a year, I think technically 13.5 months
2. How did you meet? match.com
3. Favorite thing about SO? he is confident, driven, funny, and very supportive - basically everything XH was not.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? BF is dedicated to his job and sometimes has to go on work trips that will start out being one weekend, but will end up stretching out over a week (not by his choice). The thought of down the road dealing with a family and that happening does not thrill me, but I know we can make it work. This doesn't necessarily give me pause, but is more something that will just need to be figured out.
5. How "serious" are things? Very serious. I moved into his place about a month ago and we have had discussions about one day getting married (though we both want to wait a while still).
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? In pretty much every single way - see my answer to question 3. But specifically, one way I can tell it's different is that for Valentine's Day, I was (and am) excited to get a super cheesy lovey-dovey card for him, because that's how I feel. With XH, I never felt that way, and always had a hard time picking out a card. Another way is my friends all say I'm so much happier in this relationship than I was with XH, and that it's like I'm myself again. All good things.
1. How long have you been together? almost 1.5 years
2. How did you meet? match.com
3. Favorite thing about SO? oh boy, i love a lot of stuff about him but his laugh is my favorite.
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? he has been unemployed for most of our relationship, which has caused some stress. But, I knew he was unemployed before I even contacted him and he was going to school full time. He now has a job and a college degree. the unemployment thing has been our only struggle so far, and we survived by communicating.
5. How "serious" are things? Serious. We live together and talk about a future together.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? pretty much everything. my ex was a shady, selfish, cocky, greedy ***. my bf is the exact opposite of those things.
1. How long have you been together? a year and a half
2. How did you meet? match.com
3. Favorite thing about SO? he is so supportive
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? smoking cigarettes (at least he smokes outside)
5. How "serious" are things? we are looking at rings as well as talking to a realtor to buy a place together.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? he's not an alcoholic, drug addict wife beater.1. How long have you been together?
A little over a year
2. How did you meet?
Thru a college classmate of mine online
3. Favorite thing about SO?
And if I would like him to do something for me he does it right away or writes it down if it's nothing that needs to be done in the next few hours.
Many! He is caring, thoughtful, loving, funny, smart and an all around great guy - not to mention his accent!
4. Something about SO that gives you pause?
Well being a 19 hour flight away kinda sucks... but nothing that is a red flag.
5. How "serious" are things?
Very. He is moving here early 2012.
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last?
I can trust him! He doesn't lie to me, he loves me for me - not what i can do for him. He knows I'm very sensative and if he says something that I take incorrectly or he doesn't realize will bother me, it truely upsets him. The first time it happened he actually teared up because he didnt' mean to hurt my feelings. He compromises .. the list can go on and on .. he is polar opposite of XH. (Even physically!)
2. How did you meet? online
3. Favorite thing about SO? Physical appearance - very tall and very good looking
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? smokes pot
5. How "serious" are things? we both fell in love very fast... I believe in love at first sight
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? Than my last BF? He's the polar opposite in every way. Than my XH, he accepts me as I am
1. How long have you been together? Since August
2. How did you meet? match
3. Favorite thing about SO? hes so sweet...and a good communicator
4. Something about SO that gives you pause? his ambivalence about when to get engaged/married ( not necessarily to me but just in general)...
5. How "serious" are things?Im head over heels in love and we talk about a future together...i love yous have not been exchanged yet and we are together every day typically
6. In what ways is this relationship different than your last? HEs the polar opposite of my ex