Trouble in Paradise
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WTH? My H has lost it

So my H gets home from work and was like " So how is A and A's wife  doing?" I am like "fine I guess. He commented on my FB status a few days ago." He was like " Yeah I know I saw it." Me " Um okay . "  H is not even friends with them anymore they had a falling out months ago and no one talks to anyone anymore except there still on our FB.

   Then later my H's friend ( B someone else not A ) texted me and asked me a question . Something  that actually came from his mom ( I am good friends with the whole family )  He asked me if I knew where some random item was because we were over there for TG.   Well H got all uber weird about it.  I was like WTH?  Sometime in the conversation my H kind to accuse me of "stealing his friends" and that I might tell them lies about our life/marriage? Huh wth? Controlling much.

Re: WTH? My H has lost it

  • When are you getting out of there?
  • Hmmm... I wonder why nobody wants to hang out with him anymore.
  • imageMotzie:
    When are you getting out of there?

    Yes, this.  

  • imageMotzie:
    When are you getting out of there?

     That one.

     This is neither normal nor cute behavior. 

  • We have a therapy session Friday . So depending on how that goes its either soon or  I want to be gone by the new year.
  • Oh something that happened earlier today .l have needed to get my tooth pulled for years now. Well I went to the dentist in AUGUST and they gave me pricing and all ( so did DH) . Well DH refused to spend any money to get dental work done. 

    Well since I am not sure whats going to happen . I called up my sister and mom ( there amazing ) and asked if I could borrow some cash to get my tooth pulled now. Its super cheap with our insurance ( like $50 cheap) and sister said that was fine she would loan me the cash.

     Well I scheduled the appointment and told H I had an appointment . He asked why and I told him because my tooth was hurting and I wanted it pulled now because he was talking about wanting to drop dental . He then started texting me asking about cost and I told him the cost but that I asked my sister to borrow the cash and he flipped . He was like tell her you dont need it . Ill cover it . Blah, Blah, Blah. 

     

    I mean WTH ? I waited  4 months with him saying no and now I do something about it and he is trying to control the whole situation. 

  • Wait, so he had to escort you to the dentist and then he made the call on whether or not you could get a medical procedure?  So this means he controls all the money.  And doesn't care about your health.  But also doesn't want you getting help anywhere else.

    Quality.

    I suggest asking to stay with either you mom or your sister while you get your feet under yourself.  And do it yesterday.

  • What do you see happening in this counseling appointment? Is there anything you see happening that doesn't end with you leaving?
  • I plan on getting nothing out of this appointment . Well except for maybe closure.  Well we went to the dentist together and both got x-rays and all .  The money thing is insane and has*gotten worse. Which is strange because H got a new job a year ago and make way more than he use to. I mean he keeps telling people he doesn't have any money and that its "going to be a tight Christmas" . Im like ummm the people your telling this to make way less than you wth?
  • imageimdonel8r:
    I plan on getting nothing out of this appointment . Well except for maybe closure.  Well we went to the dentist together and both got x-rays and all .  The money thing is insane and has*gotten worse. Which is strange because H got a new job a year ago and make way more than he use to. I mean he keeps telling people he doesn't have any money and that its "going to be a tight Christmas" . Im like ummm the people your telling this to make way less than you wth?

    That's because it isn't about money. It is about control. Absolutely, totally about nothing but control.

  • imageXSailoretteX:

    That's because it isn't about money. It is about control. Absolutely, totally about nothing but control.

    This. He wouldn't "allow" you to get a $50 medical procedure?? Get out, get out now.

    ETA: Since no one has mentioned this yet: the fact that you don't have access to $50 dollars implies to me that you do not have access to the finances. Get all the information you can, and talk to a lawyer as soon as you can. If he's this controlling with money now, it will only be worse when you split. Also, just a thought without knowing too much about the situation- you say that he is making a lot more money, but commenting on being broke... are you sure there isn't something like an addiction, etc., that he may be hiding? If you have no access to your finances, you might not even know.

  • imageriiskybusiness:
    imageXSailoretteX:

    That's because it isn't about money. It is about control. Absolutely, totally about nothing but control.

    This. He wouldn't "allow" you to get a $50 medical procedure?? Get out, get out now.

    ETA: Since no one has mentioned this yet: the fact that you don't have access to $50 dollars implies to me that you do not have access to the finances. Get all the information you can, and talk to a lawyer as soon as you can. If he's this controlling with money now, it will only be worse when you split. Also, just a thought without knowing too much about the situation- you say that he is making a lot more money, but commenting on being broke... are you sure there isn't something like an addiction, etc., that he may be hiding? If you have no access to your finances, you might not even know.

     

    I said something a little about this on my other post . I do know our fiances . I open all our mail and lay out our budget BUT the account is not in both our names . I can't get a bank account even if I wanted too.  The only addiction I think he has is to food and buying auto parts he doesn't need. I opened the bank statements one month and he spent OVER $200 on lunch at work  and he only worked 18 days out of 30 days that month.  Its definitely all about control and I am over it.  The sad part is having to leave my SS here .

  • Please for the love of God report back to us what the counselor says when you tell him/her the tooth story.
  • Why can't you get a bank account?
  • When I was in HS I had an account and my wrote a few bad checks and then I didn't pay them back for a  year after that and all. So I can only get a saving account for now but I can get  checking soon.

     

     


  •  

    Right before  H and I first got married he was always like " I want you to take over the fiances after were married." Well I would schedule out the payment and H wouldn't follow the payment schedule and then would *** when he didn't pay things on time and I would tell him it was his probably he should of followed the budget . So he got poed and says he "can't trust me to pay the bills on time."

  • Clearly your H is a raging dickbag.

    Do you at least have a savings account of your own now? If not, get one, somewhere your H doesn't have an account. Maybe try a credit union that doesn't require much for an initial deposit. You need to get yourself set up to leave this POS.

  • imageMotzie:
    Why can't you get a bank account?

    This is where I'm at.

    Also $200 on lunch? By "lunch" do you mean "lap dances"? Because I love me some food and I've never spent $200 on lunch.

  • imageXSailoretteX:

    imageMotzie:
    Why can't you get a bank account?

    This is where I'm at.

    Also $200 on lunch? By "lunch" do you mean "lap dances"? Because I love me some food and I've never spent $200 on lunch.

     

    Yeah it was lunch . I was like really . Thats why he gained another size and can't fit in any of his clothing. 

  • imageMotzie:

    Clearly your H is a raging dickbag.

    Do you at least have a savings account of your own now? If not, get one, somewhere your H doesn't have an account. Maybe try a credit union that doesn't require much for an initial deposit. You need to get yourself set up to leave this POS.

     

    Right now I don't have one I need to open another one though.

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