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F/U to bizarro situation with niece
(original post)
First- thanks for all the great advice. The general consensus was to let it go and just not trust her again. I wanted to do that- mostly because I hate*hate*hate confrontation, especially in this case where I am risking ruining a family relationship. But, I found that I was harboring a lot of resentment. The couple of occasions where I've chatted with recently, I had a chip on my shoulder towards her. I realized I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt and let her defend herself if it was false blame, or have her face consequences if it was deserved. Also- I just couldn't believe this happened with her knowledge, so I wanted to make her aware if she has some less than trustworthy friends.
SO, I called her up, told her that I had a question for her, and that I was really just hoping she had an answer for me because I was really creeped out by the whole thing and just wanted an answer. She seemed genuinely surprised and worried. Told me she had no knowledge of the lockbox, and had only one friend stay, but she would call her friend and get back to me. She called me back in tears, saying that she did leave friend alone in the house one day with the understanding that friend would be leaving shortly. Instead friend had boyfriend over, and apparently boyfriend is total skeez- into drugs, etc, and my niece hates his guts, refuses to be in same room with him, was completely upset to know that he was in the house. Friend claims no knowledge of him breaking into lockbox (
, but says she'll confront boyfriend and let her know. Niece says it's just the kind of thing he would do, and she's convinced he did it.
I do feel better knowing the truth, because all kinds of scenarios were running through my head, and it's good to know what happened, but I'm still kind of freaked out. This creepy guy was alone in our house, free to snoop through everything, did snoop through our most personal items in our bedroom.... I just don't know how to feel now. If he's really into drugs, I wonder if we have to worry about him. Just... ick.
But- my faith in my niece has been restored. I completely believe that she is just as upset about this as I am, and I'm glad that she's not someone totally different from who I thought she was.
A p.s- as I am getting ready to post this, just got a message from her re-iterating how sorry she is and suggesting that we file a police report and saying that she wants to buy us a new lockbox (that's the sweet niece I know, phew!) ....I never told her what was in the lockbox! I don't think a police report is in order. right???
Re: F/U to bizarro situation with niece
That's good that you were able to see that you had this chip on your shoulder and take steps to resolve that.
It does sound like your niece truly didn't know until you told her about what happened. Ultimately, it is still her fault because she left someone else alone in your house, but hopefully it will be a lesson for her and she won't do it again.
I don't think a police report is necessary.
Good update!
Why wouldn't you file a report? A crime has been committed. I think a cop asking the "friend" and the boyfirend a few questions on the matter is totally appropriate. And while it seems like a small matter for you, it could give the cops a piece of information on other crimes this guy committed. If the cops don't think its not worth their effort, then that's their call.
And I'd just like to point out how crappy it was that a trusted house cleaner and her daughter got suspected through your neice leaving the house with that girl who gave access to the skevy boyfriends. The niece should know that, too.
O.k. - great. You know your neice didn't do it. That's wonderful.
But why on EARTH did she leave a friend of her is your house alone to start with? And if this friend has such a skeevy boyfriend, I find it hard to believe that the friend is a super stand up person herself. This was a major lapse of judgement on your neices part.
Filing a report - no, you don't have to. But why wouldn't you? This guy committed a crime. Why do you want to let him get away with it?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
if it were me, i think i'd feel too sheepish to discuss with the cops what was in the lockbox, although i do think the better thing to do here would be to file the police report.
File the report. You may still be missing items you have not missed yet; and you may see charges pop up on credit cards later. This is a home invasion that happened to you. And lesson learned; don't leave the niece alone in your house, and get your locks changed. I'm glad you think your niece is blameless in this, but odds are she's not.
I'm glad you spoke with your niece.
It doesn't change the fact that she used extremely poor judgement, but at least everything is out in the air. Hopefully the both of you have learned a lesson.