Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Vent---and also an "update"
This first part is purely to vent.
I have been doing the laundry for the last 2 days . So last night I was doing laundry on the table and left it there because it was super late and everyone else was sleeping . So I am not going to put laundry away and wake everyone up. Well my H wakes me up at 6am and ask me where his underwear is. When he clearly knows theirs clean clothing on the table because I have been continually doing laundry . Well I was like "Theirs some on the table". He said " I know its been there for two days . Get me some underwear." WTH? I mean seriously !
A little update on the situation. I have been calling around for lawyers and have found a few to go to free consultations to find one I like. I have secured funds for a retainer . So far every lawyer I talked to said I am a shoe-in to have my court cost covered by my H . So that's a good thing.
Heres my first posted .... http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/60906762.aspx
Re: Vent---and also an "update"
Plllllease don't tell me you got it for him.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Um this.
The only way DH would ever dare ask me to go get his underwear is if he was incapacitated. I really hope that you told him to get it his damn self.
As for what to bring to the lawyer, most people tell you to bring a copy/record of all your financial statements. Ask him about fees, procedures, timelines, your state's law regarding division of property and assets, what you should be doing or should not be doing to help your case or make it go more quickly. That's all I can think of. Someone else will have better advice for you on this.
This.
I think I got it for my H once... because he took a shower and forgot to bring it in with him and my sister was over.
I have no legal advice, just support. I've also heard women on here say you should try to get 10 years of financial records.
Has he hit you? I don't remember. Take any evidence of abuse with you to your lawyer's office.
Thanks. For some reason i don't feel very courage's. Maybe its because I haven't left yet.
Bring all of your financial documents - his bank account numbers, numbers for any joint accounts, statements reflecting the current balance, etc. Also, bring records of credit cards, lines of credit, loans, etc. Also, talk to the attorney about possibly freezing any joint accounts before or simultaneously with the filing of the divorce papers - you don't want to give him an opportunity to clean out the joint accounts the moment he figures out that you're divorcing him.
I would hope this goes without saying, but bring the photo evidence of the physical abuse, and try your best to make a list with dates/times (as best you can remember) of the various incidents of abuse (even the ones you don't have photo proof of).
Finally, if you haven't already, you should (as discreetly as possible) pack a bag and store it with someone you can stay with - once you file for divorce, you are going to be at even more serious risk of physical abuse. I've worked with domestic violence survivors, and the absolute most dangerous time for them (and you) is immediately after divorce or separation proceedings are initiated. The abuser tends to flip out because he's losing control over his victim, and if you attempt to stay in your home, he could cause you serious, serious harm. Be prepared to leave before he gets served with the divorce papers (or if you're staying in the home and getting him kicked out, get a restraining order and notify your local police department of it - and get the RO before you serve him with divorce papers). There is an extremely high probability that he will come after you - if you are staying in your current home (or in a place where he can find you) I would make sure that there is someone with you at all times, at least for the first few weeks. Also, when you get a restraining order, notify the court if he owns any guns - most states will make him turn the guns over to the local police station so that he can't use them to hurt you or himself. I know this sounds dramatic, and I'm not trying to scare you, but these are steps you really should take to protect yourself if he's been physically abusive to you in the past.
OP, you are doing the right thing. Best of luck to you.