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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
parenthood makes marriage miserable (or not)
no commentary from me, but here you go:
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Re: parenthood makes marriage miserable (or not)
Interesting article. I just skimmed it but got the basic idea. Sometimes I think that it's EASIER to be a single parent than it would be to have the added pressure of being a great mom AND a loving wife. I can't imagine having had the energy for both, especially when P was an infant. Then again, I would've had the help of another person so that could've taken some of the pressure off of it.
I really don't have much to compare it to but I don't think being a single mom is as hard as it is cracked up to be. I have a routine and I stick to it. However, I wouldn't want to add another child to the mix because then I'd be outnumbered. I think being a SP with more than one would be infinitely harder.
I didn't read the article yet (at work), but I think it really depends on the two people involved in the marriage. I know that parenthood would have been a lot easier with my last serious BF than it ever would have been with my ex-DH (and probably my current BF, for that matter). I think it really depends on how well you get along as a whole, and how you solve conflicts in general, and how many things you have in common as far as ways you intend on parenting.
I think it depends on who is involved. I agree with achase to a point that being a good parent and a good wife is hard -- but only when you are with the wrong person. What I mean by that is, with my ex-husband (ds' dad) I spent so much time trying to be a good mom and a good wife. It felt like "work" to keep ex-h happy. When he left I thought, "Oh no! How will I do all this on my own?" Well, looking back, I was doing most of it on my own already and trying to please ex-h on top of that. It was very hard to do.
In my current relationship, the first time ds and I slept at SO's house he commented that he never realized how much work being a mom was and he doesn't know how I do all I do and stay sane. But the difference with him is that the things I do to "be a good girlfriend" and take care of him, are 100% recriprocated. Sure, parenting my ds is my responsibility, but SO makes sure to do special things for me to make sure I relax and take some down time and know he appreciates the things I do for him. That makes "being a good girlfriend" so much easier ... because I feel very appreciated.
I think so many people are miserable, so they get married.
After they're done with the excitement of the wedding, they're miserable so they have children.
Then they get divorced and they're miserable, so they start desperately looking for another partner.
And they don't stop to think about what they really, truly need to do to lead THEIR OWN fulfilling life.
Eh. Infants are hard on anyone. The loss of sleep, money, privacy, time; the loss of your figure (temp), the raging hormones, all can lead to a lot of strain on a marriage, even a good one. Two kids? ten times as hard, four times as expensive.
it's pretty wearing.
Maybe you should be rethinking your current bf.