Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Do you think this is odd?
I have a coworker who got divorced this past May. He and his XW had no children together (fertility issues were part of why they divorced), she kicked him out in Feb and their divorce was final in May (he fvcked up and didn't fight her on anything).
They were together for about 10 years total so his nieces (his brother's children) have only ever known him with his ex. Now that they are divorced she still comes to his family functions. On Halloween she came trick-or-treating with them, she also came for his niece's birthday party a few weeks ago.
To me this is odd. They are no longer her nieces she is no longer part of his family. It makes my CW very uncomfortable b/c he just wants to move on with his life and his bro and SIL don't seem to understand that. Alllegedly this is all for the kids b/c they have only ever know the XW. However his ex is from TX and is planning on moving back there after she sells her house so eventually she is going to be gone from their lives forever. I think they are doing the kids a disservice by having her continue to attend functions.
What does SO think?
Re: Do you think this is odd?
Well he should sit down and have a conversation with his brother/SIL .
I can see both sides of this. I understand your CW just wanting to move on, but I can understand if the XW still wants to be a part of the nieces lives. But I do agree that since she is going to be moving away, she should start distancing herself now.
I actually met XH's nephew when he was 6 weeks old. I love that little boy, he's a really cool kid. He just turned 7 in October and that was the first birthday I've ever missed of his and it broke my heart. When you are with a child for their entire life, its really hard to let go. I however have a completely different situation - I never got along with XSIL so I will never be invited to anything which I find very selfish since XH and I are on friendly terms - last time we talked we were sharing our recent dating stories (although I realize THAT may be a little odd lol).
Yes I agree and have said as much to him.
Eh, I see it from both sides. I'm still friends with my ex, and my parents are still close with him. He goes to baseball games with my dad. They all talk on the phone. They're getting together to exchange Christmas gifts in a few weeks. He's been a part of their lives since 2000, and they love him. To them, he is family. Personally, I don't mind this. Ex and I had lunch yesterday. He's a great guy, and just because we didn't work out as a couple doesn't mean anyone has to pretend he ceases to exist. But, because things were so amicable, it's easy to be relaxed about all of this.
I understand that your friend is uncomfortable, and I agree that he needs to talk with his brother and SIL about it. I understand that his ex probably cares very much about the nieces, and that they love her, too. It's a tough call. If she's moving shortly, anyway, this might be a moot point. Until then, perhaps brother and SIL can arrange for her to see the girls at times when your friend isn't around?
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
That is exactly how I feel about it. I do have children and I am already preparing myself for when I get divorced how I won't be able to spend time with my niece (she is 2) and how I will really not know my other niece who is due in January 2012. I will still have some interaction with MH's family but I assume that will be at functions for MY children (ie birthday parties, school things, etc) but I don't expect that I will be invited to any of that stuff for my nieces, that would be my husband's place to go to not mine.
And if we did not have kids then I would definitely feel like if I divorced him I divorced his family and that it would be me giving up my title of Aunt J and all that goes along with it.
I also agree that it was her who kicked him out so she was the one who made this decision. He made some poor choices and I dont really blame her for kicking him out but at the same time IMO that means that you are also kicking his family out of your life too.
yeah their divorce wasn't amicable, it went smoothly and he didn't fight her on anything but they aren't friends or anything now.
As of right now she has no moving date in mind, the house is for sale so once it sells she will be gone but that could be another 6 months or longer KWIM?
I agree that having her see the girls at a different time than when he is around is a good solution. Honestly he just needs to man up and confront his bro about it. But from what I understand his brother just let's his wife do whatever she wants and it is SIL who invites the ex over. Since his family is so important to him he doesn't want to make a big deal about it but it really upsets him every time and it makes him feel like he can't spend quality time with his family.
See, that sucks. He shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable. I really hope they can figure something out.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I don't think divorce means that you drop out of children's lives, no. I think you divorce the adults in the family, for the most part, but I don't think it's entirely right to take a beloved aunt out of a kid's life just because she divorced their uncle.
Now, that doesn't mean she should be invited to family get-togethers or anything. That's just crazy and awkward. But she should be allowed to, say, take them out to Chuck E Cheese every so often or whatever.