Starting Over
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Eyeing other women
My co-worker and I just had a little debate about this, and I want to see what you guys think.
Is it normal/appropriate/ok for a guy to "eye" other women when he is committed to someone? My friend says that normal guys can't help it - it's just natural, and it doesn't mean anything. I feel that if they are committed to you, they shouldn't be "eyeing" or checking out anyone else in front of you.
What do you think?
Re: Eyeing other women
I think there is a difference between "eyeing" and "lusting after." We're only human, and I think it's natural to notice the physical attributes of others. Even though in 9 years together I never DESIRED anyone but my husband, I wasn't suddenly blind to the attractiveness of other men. I also wasn't blind to the attractiveness of other women, but that doesn't mean I had any romantic or sexual feelings towards them - you just notice who is pleasing to the eye, know what I mean?
After being with a liar for 9 years, and another one for the 2 years prior to that, I'd rather have a man who was honest about what he found attractive rather than someone who was going to hide that from me and then potentially act on those feelings and fantasies later.
ETA: But if they are sitting there with their mouths hanging open, or if their eyes nearly pop out every time a woman with a nice body goes by, that's a different story!
I had this same talk with a co-worker on Wednesday because I notice BF checks out (very quickly) every.single.girl. who walks by.
I don't think he does it intentionally because it is SUCH a quick down and up look, and I honestly probably do the same thing (to girls who walk by).
It bugs me anyway, though. I called my XH out on it a few times and he always denied doing it. I don't know, I think it's human nature.
I don't think it's human nature, not if it's so obvious that you've noticed. I think you just happened to find a couple of those classless duds that I was talking about.
In all my years of dating, only once have I been out with a guy who did this.
There is a difference between looking at attractive people and eye_f*@king them.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
This.
I think it's okay to check someone out (I mean people don't stop being hot just because you are in a relationship) as long as you're honest about it and don't make it obvious or gross or classless. I think it's nice when people (guys and girls) can appreciate beauty without being ridiculous about it.
I have actually pointed out hot girls to guys I am with haha. I think it's fun to talk about it and see what they are attracted to or not attracted to.
My DH and I will actually now BOTH notice the same people for the same reasons and laugh about it. But it's usually "soemthing" noticable that catches a LOT of eyes.
We knew a guy once who would do the whole jaw on the floor, turn around and walk backwards while he continues to stare at the a$$ of a woman he found attractive. He skeeved me out. AND he was the same guy who wouldn't cuss in from of me because i'm "a lady".
I wish I had just flat out told him that his eye f**cking every hot woman who walked by is FAR more rude and offensive than cussing in front of me.
Luckily he wasn't around in our lives for too long.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ha! I have found that the men who make the biggest show out of being chivalrous and gentlemanly are anything but.
It all depends on how blatant and often it occurs. If a supermodel chick walks by I may very well look myself, but that doesnt happen often.
If it is ALL HE TIME and long, inappropriate length starring... Well I would put up with it. Quick looks/ glances do not phase me. I like people watching.
Eta: after thinking about this s min more... BF barely ever even glances! X used to always look... I am now leaning towards it being douchy.
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I disagree with the bolded. My boyfriend has perfectly good eyesight yet manages not to check out every single woman he sees while we're out together. In fact, every man I've dated has managed to keep his eyes from wandering that extensively. Noticing an attractive woman isn't a big deal, but checking out every girl he sees while you're out together? This would irritate me a lot.
Disagree. Especially in today's society where everything is image driven. We have been programmed to take notice of people who stick out. So sometimes I will do a double take if I see a woman who is very attractive. It doesnt mean I eyeball her to death.
And some, by no means am I saying all, but some women dress a certain way because they WANT those extra looks coming their way.
Dont remember writing anything in my reply that I was on dates when I did a "double take", and you know what happens when you ASSUME right?? But I also understand why you are saying that since this post was geared towards men who do that while out with other women.