Starting Over
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Couple Counseling Appt - Big Day!

First off, I need to say I love this board and you girls all rock majorly. You really have provided me with hope. In my real life, I have no friends who are divorced or separated or who remotely understand what I'm going through so I am just so happy to have this board as a starting point.

Anyway, today is a big day. My DH and I have a couples counseling appointment and I think I just need to start being honest. Last time, I got really confused and just went along with the counselor's recs and somehow I found myself agreeing to work on it and date him all over again.

This is almost impossible to admit, but I don't want to work on it anymore. I already worked on it for our whole marriage. I'm so thrilled he is getting himself together and really working on himself. I love him more than anything and am so proud of everything he has accomplished since starting counseling. BUT I love myself too.

Even after all the processing I have done, I don't know everything that went wrong or why. I don't really know who is to blame or not. I don't know much yet. But there is one small thing I know for sure....

The marriage brought out the very worst in me. I said and did things I never thought I would say or do. I am sure I had a huge hand in this and I plan to explore that. But I know, with certainty, this marriage made me someone I was not proud of. or even liked. So I guess in the end, it wasn't about choosing him or not him. It was always about choosing me.

Wish me luck that I can somehow convey this effectively in counseling today!

Re: Couple Counseling Appt - Big Day!

  • Good luck!  Let us know how it goes.  Stay strong and don't let the counselor continue with his/her suggestions about making it work.  Could you call ahead of time and let them know that you're done and need to convey that during the session?
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  • Good luck and stay strong and true to yourself.  Maybe write it down so you have an idea of what you will convey.
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  • Good luck.  My counselor also suggested that we take the time to separate, work on ourselves and revisit our "marriage" later on.  After this weeks nonsense with his drinking, I've made a conscience choice to not revisit the marriage later on and follow through with divorce.  I need to make myself a priority and not him like I've been doing for 9 years.  Tomorrow is the day to start my new life. 
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  • Good luck.  I would print out this post and hand it to the counselor saying I express myself better in writing tha verbally.
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