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Police is on speed dial....
So H is on day number 5 of his drinking bender. He couldn't get himself up for work this morning. I'm staying there momentarily while packing up. My family lives a good hour away and I thought it was easier!! Tonight, I will pack up under the watchful eye of my friend and the police will be called if he gets out of control, and then leave to go back to my sisters.
Last night was pretty bad. Another 1/2 gallon of wine gone within a 4 hour span. He bascially told me that his drinking will be worse once I move out. So after he passed out around 10. - I finally felt comfortable enough to go to bed myself. His alarm went off at 5:45 and no activity from the bedroom, he must be out the door by 6:30 to be at work by 7 and his employers are sticklers for tardiness at work...so I am sure he'll be repremanded. I got up at 6:20, made coffee, fed the cat and took the hottest shower I could possibly stand, leaving him with no hot water. Hell, a good cold shower would do him good. At 6:45 when I got out of the shower, the alarm still blaring, I walked into his bedroom and woke him up. Operation H loosing his job is under way.
I called my parents this morning and my mom told him that I need to call his mom. So I did and in typical MIL fashion, she didn't answer her phone. I called my SIL, she answered and I told her everything from the floater beers, to him being on bender day #5. She asked, what should she do? Umm...get on the phone with your mother and have her get down here asap (they live in Buffalo, NY, we are in Pittsburgh, PA). Her response...(which just floors me)...she has class tonight and her big exam next week and will be studying all weekend. WTF is more important, your son in a disparate situation or her exam? This is not a new situation for them, I've been in contact over the years about his alcohol abuse and again, I should have not been surprised by them but I thought that me leaving and his drinking would finally get them down here to help!! Apparently, I'm wrong...waiting for the shock of of their arrival on Saturday.
So this, again, just makes me realize that leaving him, as hard as it is, is the best thing for me. I need to stop picking up the puzzle pieces of his abuse, putting bandaids on everything only for him to rip them off weeks/months later by his constant drinking. How much more a person can take is beyond me!! Over 9 years of this and I'm finally putting myself in the #1 spot and getting the fvck out.
I have a feeling that as I pack up the last of my stuff on Friday, he'll do whatever he can do to drink himself silly all night to make it impossible on Saturday when the movers come. So yeah, police is on speed dial....
/end vent.
Ivory
Re: Police is on speed dial....
First of all, he's an adult. His family is probably fed up with his drinking and having to step in. Maybe they're done with him too?
Can you stay somewhere else until you move out? Staying in the house with him really doesn't seem like a good idea.
Lastly, no matter how much he drinks, I don't see how that can stop you from moving out on Saturday. He's no longer your responsibility.
How long has he ben an alcoholic?
Maybe his family is tired of interupting their life for this man as well.
I think it might be a good choice for you and his family to cut ties. Addict can take everyone down with them.
Stay safe.
Is it possible to stay at a hotel or something until then? Pack when he's at work and not be there at nights?
He's an adult, bottom line. If he loses his job, it's his fault. If he drinks more and says it's because you moved out, bullcrap he makes the choice to put the drink in his body. His family can't save him, only he can.
First of all, he's an adult. His family is probably fed up with his drinking and having to step in. Maybe they're done with him too? You are right!! He is an adult and should be responsible enough to take care of himself. His mom has always told me that if he gets out of hand with his drinking to don't hesitate to call...so I'm just doing what I was advised to do. I know that they are fed up but I guess from my own family, that they wouldn't stop trying to get me help if I was in the situation and I should stop assuming that every family is like mine. I guess what I'm trying to accomplish by having his mom step in is that maybe he'll wise up and get the help he needs.
Can you stay somewhere else until you move out? Staying in the house with him really doesn't seem like a good idea. I am meeting a friend after work and he's going to be there helping me pack up some more stuff and then I'm heading out to my sisters for the night. Same with on Friday night.
Lastly, no matter how much he drinks, I don't see how that can stop you from moving out on Saturday. He's no longer your responsibility. He can't stop me but he can certainly make the day unbearable with his antics. I guess my hope was that his mom can come down and keep him occupied while I move out and cause less of a scene..but that probably isn't going to happen.
The beauty of him being your STBXH is that you don't have to pick up the pieces for him anymore. Period.
He misses or is late for work? Not your problem?
He's on a five day bender with no end in sight? Not your problem, you don't have to call your STBXILs.
Have you considered going to al-anon meetings? They teach you how to detach with love, which is what you need to do. Detach from STBXH. Also I recommend the book "Co-Dependent No More" it's very good.
How long has he ben an alcoholic? His drinking and drug abuse started when he was about 15. He'll be turning 33 next week.
I would focus on myself and my cat if I were you. I would pack everything up now and either stay in a hotel or with a friend.
FWIW, I have three large dogs and stayed in a non-pet friendly hotel for an entire weekend because all the other hotels were booked, so take your cat and leave.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
My XH went on a bender the week before I left so I know what you're talking about. I did everything I could to set him up with help before I left. I called his mom, sister and best friend. I told his doctor not to prescribe him any pills because he was an addict and I gave him the name of a psych hospital, treatment center and therapist.
I know you know that he is no longer your problem but after enabling for so long, or feeling like we were enabling, it's hard to leave without trying to help. You've done all you could do. Now it's time to stop. You called his mom and sister. His drinking will get worse, but that's not your problem. If he threatens suicide, ignore him.
The pps are right, try to stay somewhere else until Saturday. Have a friend with you to move out. Have the police on speed dial. You're doing everything right. Focus on you. It will get better once you're gone. I'd set up some counseling if you can--the guilt of leaving a self destructive addict sent me into panic attacks, personally. Al-Alon might be a good start. ((hugs))
This book is amazing. I'm not even half way done with it yet and I can tell you already it has had a huge impact on me, and I'm guessing it would be helpful for just about EVERYONE on this board.