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Slap sense into me please!

Edited title for better effect and general PW-ishness Wink

XH called today hysterically crying.  He has a bad back (cue pain med issues) and just got back from the Dr. who told him he has degenerated discs, holes, slipped discs, etc. and he can no longer lift weights.  He is worried he will get fat, he is alone, blah blah blah.

Guess that whole good conversation we had on Friday opened the door for this.  Ugh.  I gave him the number of an acupuncture place and getting a referral for a spine specialist from a family friend even though I know this isn't my problem but I don't want him to be crippled by some hack doctor without getting a second opinion.

I'm thinking about a therapy appt next week instead of in 2 weeks.  Must learn to say no and good luck on your own and not try to fix a broken man who I am no longer married to.  Ughhh

ETA: Please tell me to stop and not to care.  This isn't my problem.  I need to hear that.

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Re: Slap sense into me please!

  • imageMintChocoChip:

    XH called today hysterically crying.  He has a bad back (cue pain med issues) and just got back from the Dr. who told him he has degenerated discs, holes, slipped discs, etc. and he can no longer lift weights.  He is worried he will get fat, he is alone, blah blah blah.

    Guess that whole good conversation we had on Friday opened the door for this.  Ugh.  I gave him the number of an acupuncture place and getting a referral for a spine specialist from a family friend even though I know this isn't my problem but I don't want him to be crippled by some hack doctor without getting a second opinion.

    I'm thinking about a therapy appt next week instead of in 2 weeks.  Must learn to say no and good luck on your own and not try to fix a broken man who I am no longer married to.  Ughhh

    ETA: Please tell me to stop and not to care.  This isn't my problem.  I need to hear that.

    This is the guy who got all of those happy ending massages, right?  Just think about that.

  • imagerenegade gaucho:

    This is the guy who got all of those happy ending massages, right?  Just think about that.

    Ha, yes!  Perhaps this is karma rearing her ugly head.  He just sent a "Thanks for being my shoulder to cry on. I would like to see you soon." email.  Not happening. 

    Maybe it's time to be the b!tch of an XW.

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  • You don't owe this man anything. 
    image BNOTB Awards
  • Refusing to cater to someone who has treated you poorly doesn't make you a _bitch.
  • Block his number.
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  • imageNinjaPaants:
    You don't owe this man anything. 

    Yes. Please please please just drop it at this point. He's manipulating you, because he can.

    The Nestie formally known as....
  • Oh gosh I so understand though why you feel the need to help and be there for him. I cannot say no either and I care so much about really any person that even if they have done me wrong, I still am there for them.

    Here is what a smart friend told me once though. We all have a limited supply of time and energy. Do you really want to spend your time and energy on someone who does not add positivity and happiness to your life? Do you want to spend your time and energy on something that will not be productive in the end?

    Just remember that it's okay to do what is best for you, just like I'm sure he's doing what is best for him. It's okay to say no because that means you can say yes to people who are more worthy.

    Good luck! 

  • imagejade23:

    Oh gosh I so understand though why you feel the need to help and be there for him. I cannot say no either and I care so much about really any person that even if they have done me wrong, I still am there for them.

    Here is what a smart friend told me once though. We all have a limited supply of time and energy. Do you really want to spend your time and energy on someone who does not add positivity and happiness to your life? Do you want to spend your time and energy on something that will not be productive in the end?

    Just remember that it's okay to do what is best for you, just like I'm sure he's doing what is best for him. It's okay to say no because that means you can say yes to people who are more worthy.

    Good luck! 

    Well said!  ITA.

    image
  • Does he ever contact you when he doesn't need something?
  • See, this would never happen to me because I'm bitter. And you know what? That's a good thing. I don't get people who are friends with ex-husbands. That's bullish!t. Stop being a doormat. If YOU had been messing around with another guy during your marriage, I doubt your XH would be a friendly shoulder to cry on. I would totally sit him down one day and let him know that his behavior during the marriage was disgusting, he is a poor excuse of a man, and you hope you never have to hear his horrid voice ever again. And then get on with your life. You will feel SO good,
  • imagerenegade gaucho:
    Does he ever contact you when he doesn't need something?

    Nope.  Good point.

    Ok, not helping him. If I hear from him again I am telling him, sorry, we're no longer married, I'm done.  He's still paying for the furniture that was financed in my name so I'm treading lightly (even though it's in our divorce decree and I can take him to court if he doesn't pay it). 

    Thanks for the slap.  I needed it.  I'm done, so done. 

    Just sent an email back : "While I feel badly that you're going through this, I am no longer your shoulder to cry on.  You will be able to figure this out on your own.  Good luck."

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  • Good for you!

    imageMintChocoChip:

    Just sent an email back : "While I feel badly that you're going through this, I am no longer your shoulder to cry on.  You will be able to figure this out on your own.  Good luck."

    You are correct- he'll be fine.  Weasels always find someone to take advantage of.

  • Mint-I have a great book for you!  It's called "Who's Pulling Your Strings?  How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life".  I'm reading it right now, on my new Kindle Fire!  Very insightful and great tips for detaching from the manipulator and/or keeping the control.
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  • imageachase123:
    Mint-I have a great book for you!  It's called "Who's Pulling Your Strings?  How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life".  I'm reading it right now, on my new Kindle Fire!  Very insightful and great tips for detaching from the manipulator and/or keeping the control.

    Awesome, thanks for this!  I"m going to download it on my Nook now!

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  • I think you did fine by giving him the referrals.  You were helping without giving any of yourself.  But stop right there and let him deal with the rest himself.

    I know its hard but think of those feelings that you have as of a warning sign and not a sign of you should do something.

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