S/O eyeing other women

southsam · December 2011

So, if your BF does this, and you see it a little more often than you would hope, do you say something? What do you say? What do you expect his response to be?

Because with xh, I can see why his response would be denial rather than saying, "oh, yeah, sorry, she's hot" or something. That's why I don't bring it up with BF. I feel like it's just asking for a fight.

ReturnOfKuus · December 2011

I'd probably just pick a different guy. I see asking a guy not to check out other women as similar to asking him to not blow his nose in the tablecloth - sure, maybe he could change it if I asked, but should I really have to? Can't I do better?

renegade gaucho · December 2011

What Kuus said, and I also wouldn't stay with someone who made me feel reluctant to bring up things that were really bothering me. I'd take it as an indication that he didn't have the necessary skills for a healthy relationship and move on.

JustTheWayYouAre · December 2011

The hesitation to bring something up b/c it might cause a fight is what I have going on in my marriage right now and it sucks. If I was just dating someone I would want to be able to express how something feels and have him respect my feelings or he is not the right person for me. The fact that I cant do this with my husband is why I have one foot out the door.

MintChocoChip · December 2011

If you can't talk to him about something that bothers you, get better communicate skills or a better man.

chrissie3416 · December 2011

MintChocoChip:
If you can't talk to him about something that bothers you, get better communicate skills or a better man.

Yes this!!!

Interrobang · December 2011

What Kuus said. If you feel like bringing it up is asking for a fight, that's also kind of concerning.

southsam · December 2011

Ok. I guess I just feel like I have been "on" him about a lot lately and it just seems to add fuel. He does so much right, but I keep getting on him for things he does wrong. I'm just trying to pick my battles.

UDscoobychick · December 2011

I agree with the others that being afraid that bringing it up would cause a fight is not a good sign. Southsam, I say this with love. Your relationship with your BF seems really volatile. I feel like you guys are either wildly in love or in a huge fight. I know that you and your XH were basically roommates, so this passion with your BF probably feels like a good change, but it's not. It's equally unhealthy and emotionally draining to be swinging from the highs to the lows so frequently and so dramatically. I really think you can do better. Right Hug

ReturnOfKuus · December 2011

southsam:
Ok. I guess I just feel like I have been "on" him about a lot lately and it just seems to add fuel. He does so much right, but I keep getting on him for things he does wrong. I'm just trying to pick my battles.

You don't have to pick battles with a boyfriend - if there are so many battles to choose from, then he's just not right for you.

achase123 · December 2011

ReturnOfKuus:

southsam:
Ok. I guess I just feel like I have been "on" him about a lot lately and it just seems to add fuel. He does so much right, but I keep getting on him for things he does wrong. I'm just trying to pick my battles.

You don't have to pick battles with a boyfriend - if there are so many battles to choose from, then he's just not right for you.

Sorry southsam, but this is one of a few things I'm giving him the side eye about. I wonder if it's time for you to really reevaluate what you want/need/deserve from a relationship?

starburst604 · December 2011

If I notice a guy blatantly check me out when he's with his SO, I think to myself "lucky girl, yuck". Do all guys look? Of course, no matter how attractive their SO is. But, it doesn't need to be done blatantly when he's around you, it's just inconsiderate and borderline creepy. If I noticed my bf doing it constantly I would definitely say something, and if he actually argues with you for saying it, I'd say it's not a great relationship.

southsam · December 2011

UDscoobychick:
I agree with the others that being afraid that bringing it up would cause a fight is not a good sign. Southsam, I say this with love. Your relationship with your BF seems really volatile. I feel like you guys are either wildly in love or in a huge fight. I know that you and your XH were basically roommates, so this passion with your BF probably feels like a good change, but it's not. It's equally unhealthy and emotionally draining to be swinging from the highs to the lows so frequently and so dramatically. I really think you can do better.

True, true, and true.

I'm having a hard time letting go of the relationship because of the passion we do have when we are good.

kjewell · December 2011

My view is that I KNOW he is going to look at other women. I myself look at other men. However, he should have enough respect for me and our relationship not to do it in front of me. If I have to remind him then he is an ass and not worth my time.

doglove · December 2011

ReturnOfKuus:
I'd probably just pick a different guy. I see asking a guy not to check out other women as similar to asking him to not blow his nose in the tablecloth - sure, maybe he could change it if I asked, but should I really have to? Can't I do better?

Ditto. It sounds like this guy is a dud from your other posts.

S/O eyeing other women

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